Celebrities having babies now are getting the package deal, according to Popbitch. Pregnant stars like Britney and Demi will no doubt have already checked their health insurance carrier to make sure they’re covered for the full platform of surgeries. What happens first is her implants are removed so her tits don’t fill to bursting with the onset of fat and breast milk. Then, at the eighth month, the baby is cut out by C-section before any more distortion of her body occurs during that unnecessary ninth month, the implants are re-implanted, fat is sucked out of her ass and thighs, her stomach is nipped and tucked to remove any sign of pregnancy, maybe an eyelid lift – what the hell – and she’s sent off to a deluxe suite for 10 days to heal and fabricate lies to tell Katie Couric about the fabulous workout program she used to get back to her original body so quickly. In London, the plastic surgery package is common, and the nursing staff at one private hospital has named the package after one of its first users; they call it Mend It Like Beckham.
Oh, and Popbitch also tells us this week that Golden Casino, the company that bought stripper Tawny Peaks’ implants and the Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich, just bought a Dorito shaped like the pope’s hat.