In the short tradition of the Grapple, the grape-flavored apple, comes the differently flavored banana from the mad-scientist laboratories of Chiquita International. The company “envisions” a larger, sweeter, creamier product, says usatoday. What was once a delicious, cheap fruit packaged only in its ingenious, easily peeled skin is soon to become a product as artificial as Tara Reed’s new breasts – but possibly a lot more expensive. Ay yi yi.

Chiquita has taken its bananas to the research lab as part of an effort to make the fruit more appealing to consumers — and to persuade them to pay more, president and CEO Fernando Aguirre told The Associated Press in an interview. For competitive reasons, the company would not specify flavors it is researching and declined to reveal how different sorts of bananas would be created other than to say the fruit would not be genetically modified.