Moye Ishimoto writes:
Everyone, I have a very important announcement to make. I have a new crush.
First, I must extend my apologies to my last crush, the lovable and adoringly normal Jim Halpert from NBC’s The Office. I’m sorry to say that I knew it would never work out between us, so I have to end it now. See, we’re just from two different worlds. I’m on my way to take over the whole world (now, mostly checking email) while Jim’s in some dead-end job as a sales rep for Dunder-Mifflin. Plus, that stupid Pam Beesley always gets in the way, but who could NOT love Jim? He’s just so cuuuuute. Did you see that episode when he bought a teapot for Pam for the Yankee Swap? And got his whole office into a round of Office Olympics? I LOVE IT. :) :) :)
Anyway, I’d like to introduce my new fling: Andy Samberg. Yes, yes, I know. He’s been around as a new cast member on SNL and as Ardy of the Dudes from The Lonely Island. Shut up, you high-and-mighty 373T3 [email protected] internet nerds who will immediately respond to this post with the typical, “This is such old news, Andy Samberg has been around forever, etc etc.” Shut up. No one cares what you think.
So I’ve been obsessively watching the Lazy Sunday (Chronic of Narnia) video for the past two weeks and realizing how adorable he is. And he can rap! About Google maps! Crazy delicious!
His standup routine on Comedy Central’s Premium Blend? TOTALLY HILARIOUS. You have to watch it. I admit that I most probably laughed at all the lame jokes just because he was so cute (you know, like, when there’s a really cute guy who’s not being that funny but you love watching him anyway, so you automatically laugh to make him feel better? Yeah, it’s something like that.).
It must be the polo shirt. I fall for any tall guy who wears a hipster polo shirt and can show off serious rhyming skills. And the curly hair. But mostly the polo shirt.
And who knew that white guys could be so funny? Because I also spent my Christmas holiday watching episodes of Andy in The ‘Bu, his parody of The OC. Seriously, any guy (preferably wearing a polo shirt) who can successfully incorporate ninjas and nunchucks into a teen drama parody is a genius. I LOVE IT.
So Andy, if you happen to read this, please come back to California and visit me. I swear, this whole thing between me and Jim Halpert is D-U-N. I’m also a really good girlfriend, especially if you have an Asian fetish.
PS: If you can’t come, you can send your comedian friend, Chester Tam, instead. Gotta support the Asian boys!
– Moye Ishimoto