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You are here: Home / Misc / Addressed to Kill (The Girl Can’t Alp It)

Addressed to Kill (The Girl Can’t Alp It)

By Stephen Saban on January 13, 2005 4:28 am

heidiDear James. I am but a simple person, living a half assed life in the mountains of Germany.  My vices are few and are easily controlled with tobacco, alcohol, Cadbury chocolate and Burger King (the latter being the hardest to acquire as the nearest outlet is an hours drive away!).  I work in a humdrum job for a multinational organization and US Tax Dollars pay my wage.  For brief respite I travel to Austria for late night entertainment.

I first encountered the legend that is James St James via a loaned copy of the Party Monster movie, ‘You just have to watch this movie’ I was informed by my friend (he is the fag to my hag) ‘It’s soooo good’. I accepted his challenge and was hooked.  I was instantly gripped by Seth’s’ portrayal of you and just had to find out more.  I set out on a www quest, only to find more churches than I would care to shake a stick at!  The nearest I ever got was the Michael Alig Club Kids website, all fine and dandy if you want to learn about Michael, but alas, my thirst for knowledge was left unsatisfied.  I searched Amazon and found Disco Bloodbath, but sadly the US Government doesn’t pay me enough to justify $110 for a copy.  What was I to do?  I eventually found the re-issue as Party Monster and ordered it.  I have to say I couldn’t put it down.  It became my reading during a hospital stay!  I also found the Shockumentary, oh the joy, words from the real James.  I find you to be a very intriguing sort of gal. 

Obviously my latest discovery was you on this blog.  It has provided a fascinating insight (all be it a snippet) into your life and how you appear today.  You have a rare humor that captivates me and raises a smile during what otherwise would be a dreary day.  It’s fun to discover a little of what makes you tick.

Anyway, I have already taken up much of your time, so in return I hope a few lines added to your anthem will suffice as payment!

Brandon I want to put my hand in your pants. Relinquish my life as a maiden Aunt.

I’ve compared thee to a fancy French tart, but will hold you dear, forever in my heart.

If to me one night you would  give, I promise a new lifestyle you would beg to live.

So, come sweet lover take my hand, I’ll lead you to the promised land.

C’mon now Peanut, don’t be shy, let me rest my head upon your thigh.

To the moon I’ll take you, even Venus, just let me play with your Goddammed penis!!!!!

Hugz n Lederhosen from the cold snowy mountains,

Liz Isherwood

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