It’s all terribly scientific, darling. Left side of the brain and all. Been up all night collating data, crunching numbers and jiggling the James factor. So here they are: the hard facts about Friday night’s party at the Lo-Fi gallery:
• While the Party Approval Rating (PAR) was a staggering 96%, early exit polls indicate some minor dissatisfaction with the lack of gift bags, and the early departure of dreamy man-about-town Donovan Leitch.
• The Glamour Index (GI) was consistently high, peaking at 71%.
• The Hipster-to-Celebrity ratio (H2C) was an acceptable 20-to-1 (although numbers may vary depending on whether you consider Stephen Dorff a celebrity or just another hipster. Or neither).
• THE TREND TALLY stands at:
– Ponchos: 2
– Mukluks: 0
– Brooches: 12
– Something in a lady-like tweed: 9
– Red strings: 0
• An overall assessment of the crowd puts it at a solid 4 on the Kinsey Scale: predominantly heterosexual. That means the “darling/sweeties” were at a bare minimum, it was one kiss on the cheek instead of three, and posing was strictly prohibited.
• Moment the party peaked? Right after the Flaunt photographer took my picture. Thank you and goodnight. NEXT.
So in conclusion, using my Sliding Scale of OC Characters as the basis for party appraisals, I find: If this party was a character on the OC it would definitely be a Marissa.
– James St. James