The Royal Family has always had a strong bond to the animal kingdom. Some, like Catherine the Great, are rumoured to have had suffocatingly close relations. Others just prefer to marry the nearest humanoid version. It’s certainly true that this most original of all pervy families doesn’t have the freedom it once had to act out its most bestial fantasies. Still, nothing wrong with observing nature at its, ahem, most natural, is there? Which is why the Queen is running guided walks on her Balmoral estate for people to listen to deer having sex. At £6 a throw, too. Apparently, “the roar of the royal reds” during rutting season is “family fun.” Not my family, mate, not mine. Told ya, bunch of pervs.

– Cat McShane