Just not on the beach, please. David Spade, 42, is said to be madly in love with Heather Locklear, 44, and can’t believe his good fortune. “I’m so in love it’s ridiculous,” he told a friend who told Life & Style magazine, which is read by Jeannette Walls, who reported it in her Scoop website. “Never in my life did I think I’d be with someone so gorgeous and successful.” And we’re sure Locklear feels the same about him. Well, not. Actually, we can’t imagine. But the story is that he’s going to ask her to marry him and she knows he’s going to ask. And everyone is just so up for another celebrity wedding now that Kidman and Urban have as good as tied the knot that it might as well be Spade and Locklear next. It’s not like they have to stay married, after all. Ask Locklear. Anyway, “She knows I’m going to ask,” Spade told that friend. “It’s all about timing.” We wonder who that friend is. Does Spade have friends that are close enough that he’d confide in them but two-faced enough that they’d spill secrets to the press?