Big Ole Balls
I love people with big balls, and no I don’t mean just anatomical. There are times when I’m watching TV or working or just driving down the road that I’ll catch somebody doing something that makes my jaw drop ’cause I just can’t believe they’re able to do what they’re doing and still keep a straight face. So I’m taking my hat off to those of you out there who truly have some big ole balls.
If you’ve ever been to Los Angeles and traveled down LaBrea toward the 10, you will notice there is a talent agency, and it makes me laugh every time I see it. The title of the place is Oh My Nappy Talent Agency, which is conveniently located right next door to Oh My Nappy Hair Salon. Now, I know former radio shock jock, the very old old, antiquated, old, not funny, did I say old, Don Imus was canned from his boring-ass morning talk show for calling the Rutgers women’s basketball team a bunch of nappy ho’s, but my obsession with the agency really has nothing to do with that. I just think it’s funny that someone had the balls enough to sink their money into a shop that they called the Oh my Nappy Talent Agency. Say it to yourself a few times, and while you do that, think about other things you’ve seen that require some balls.
The other night when I was watching the Amazing Race All-Stars, which by the way is having its best season ever, I was laughing my ass off as I watched my favorite team, Charla the little person and her crazy cousin Myrna, force their way through another leg of the race. I just watch these two in awe as they cry and scream and act like complete mo-rons and then have the balls to say how they just want to play the game with integrity and dignity. Myrna even made the fidget (as my roommate calls her) dress up in a suit of armor and walk a horse. Priceless ladies, not only are you both nuts but you have a set of big ones.
On my frantic way to an audition the other day, I was traveling down a very busy street and at an intersection in front of Virgin Records, I saw one of the grossest and funniest things I’ve ever seen. A woman exited the store, walked around to the side of the building – which was in full view of everyone – set down her bags, squatted, hiked up her skirt, and took the biggest dump on the sidewalk I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t believe my eyes, and apparently neither could the girl in the car next to me who began to gag while she was freaking out talking on her phone.
I realize everyone probably anyone who even thinks about reading this blog hates George Bush. I get it – he hates gay people, hates the environment, hates the arts, and is a war-monger. But no matter how much you hate him, you have to admit that when he speaks it’s jaw-droppingly funny. The man is the ruler of the free world and is basically retarded, and I mean no disrespect to the mentally challenged. He says crap that would embarrass a four-year-old, and I mean shit that would make me never want to leave the house again, and yet he still goes out the next day and does it again. It’s kinda like watching Haley sing on American Idol: You just want to shoot her and put her out of her misery.
I mentioned a few weeks back that some friends and I were involved with a fundraiser for Project Angel Food (if you haven’t donated please do). The other night we had the first event and raised a few thousand dollars for the great cause. While at the celebrity bingo event, five purses were stolen from people who were there to donate money and lend their support for the charity. So someone or someones had the nerve to pay to get into an AIDS fundraising event only to steal purses. WOW, that takes balls.
After being stuck with the name Gwyneth all her life, Ms Paltrow thought it would be OK to torture her own child by naming her Apple. She doesn’t have balls, she just sucks. The truth is, no one really knows how certain people are capable of doing some of the things they do, but I’m convinced that the eighth wonder of the world is the crazy behavior of human beings. People with balls aren’t always good, but they are always entertaining. So here is your chance to hit me up with some of the ballsiest things that you have seen people do. Blog Hard!
It’s always a business doing pleasure with you.
– Dylan Vox