The News According To Me

For the life of me I still cannot figure out why we are a nation obsessed with the goings-on of Paris Hilton. She has no ass, no skills, and no talent, is not funny or smart or witty or anything that usually make a celebrity interesting, but if you live in Los Angeles you know that even the local news will dedicate a whole segment to her latest trials and tribulations. Put the bitch in jail right next to Zsa Zsa Gabor and give my newscasters a break.

There are interesting things happening in the news which get very little coverage, and I think they’re worth mentioning and getting comments about. So if you’re tired of hearing about Sanjaya and his latest gay hairdo (and yes, ladies, he is very very very gay; he makes Ryan Seacrest look like Charlton Heston), take a second and read some of the weird and newsworthy things that happened this week.

OK, so everyone knows about GLAAD, the vigilante group that attacks any mention of something that could possibly be offensive in any way to gay people. They have chastised everyone from sports commentators to politicians, actors, and singers, Eminem to Tim Hardaway. If you say anything or do ANYTHING that could be construed in any way as anti-gay, they attack. Most times I guess they do good trying to make the world a better place, but sometimes they just seem to blow things out of proportion. Anyway, the GLAAD awards have always been like the Oscars for gay people, where anyone who has contributed to the recognition of gays in the media can get credit. This year, however, it’s been pointed out that only mainstream (straight) media is allowed to make submissions for consideration. So Logo, Here!, The Advocate, OUT magazine, or any other gay source can be considered for the gay awards. It would be like the NAACP awards not allowing submissions from Ebony or BET because they were not considered “mainstream.” I think the hypocrisy is kinda amusing, but I wanted to see what you all think.

In other news, Tonya Harding recently called the police to say she saw people planting guns at her trailer home. Well, there are two funny things about this: First, it was found out she was seeing things like fuzzy animals and that she was scaring small children; her agent blamed it on her change of asthma medication. Second, she lives in a trailer park in Canada. I’m sure that makes Nancy Kerrigan laugh as much as I am now.

The American tennis player Serena Williams was verbally harassed during a match at the Sony Ericsson Open. During the entire match a spectator called out racist remarks to the African-American player until finally he was removed when she complained. The thing that concerns me the most, other than the fact that people in the 21st century are still racist, is that none of the other fans beat the crap out of the man or at least alerted authorities. They waited for her to complain first. Maybe it’s just that tennis fans are more sophisticated and not prepared for such inexcusable circumstances, but I know if the N word had been thrown around at a Clippers game I would be talking about an actual death.

If you haven’t heard of Wesley Autrey then your news outlet has been focusing on the wrong thing. This New Yorker threw himself on top of a boy who had a seizure in the subway and fell onto the tracks. Autrey, without thinking, jumped in and lay on top of him while the subway whizzed over his head. He was hailed as a hero and got instant publicity. It was a great story and made me feel good that people were behaving unselfishly in the world. And then the other shoe dropped. Now Autrey is suing his lawyer because he thinks he should have gotten more money from all of his notoriety. The warm fuzzy feeling just kinda melts away.

So yeah, maybe the things I find interesting or newsworthy don’t measure up to what sort of tampon Paris uses to snort coke with, but I think every once in a while we have to be pulled out of her ass and shown that there are, in fact, other people doing things around the world. BLOG HARD!

It’s always a business doing pleasure with you.

– Dylan Vox