Don’t Fuck With the Help

I recently rented the movie Waiting, starring the often hot and always silly Ryan Reynolds. If you have ever waited tables or eaten at a restaurant you should check it out. The underlying message is DON”T FUCK WITH THE PEOPLE WHO TOUCH YOUR FOOD. Now, I have worked in restaurants to pay for college, and let me tell you that when the 13th amendment outlawed involuntary servitude, I’m not so sure they didn’t have waiters in mind. It’s a horrible job with very little thanks and very little pay.

A few years back, the government raised minimum wage but, in most cases, waiters still only make around $2.13 an hour. In the resolution to raise the wages, it was suggested that the standard tip rate should be raised to 20% over the former 15%. Well, I’m not sure everyone got this memo, ’cause I still have friends who barely tip 15%, and that’s friggen embarrassing. You’re paying these people to bring you food and drink and clean silverware and to make sure everything is OK with your food. Your tip is what they’re working for.

A lot of people think they can give the server attitude if they seem lazy or their food is not prepared properly or it doesn’t come quick enough, but I’m here to tell you that you really, really, really need to be nice to the waiter no matter what. First of all, the server doesn’t make the food, that’s the kitchen’s job and kitchen workers are not to be fucked with. They’re a different breed and have no reservations about peeing in your biscuit batter (I’ve seen it happen). My first job was at a fast food restaurant when I was 14 and I was always trapped in the drive-thru window praying people wouldn’t come 20 minutes before closing, because I knew exactly what they were gonna get, and it wasn’t appetizing. Don’t believe me? Try it – I promise you will not be happy. Secondly, the servers have control over your food. I used to be scared of revealing the secrets of the restaurant, but I promise you the server is having the last laugh.

Waiting is pretty vivid and an accurate depiction of what happens behind the scenes of some restaurants, even fancy ones. It didn’t win any Oscars, but it’s more realistic and much more entertaining than watching two dumb hicks fuck each other on the side of a mountain for two and a half hours while their sheep get eaten by wolves. (Oh, and as my friend Marcellas Reynolds pointed out, why didn’t they just move to San Francisco? I mean, it was the ’70’s and ’80s, not the 1700s. I still talk about how bad that movie is ’cause it still pisses people off when I do. It’s as though I ‘m making a personal attack because the film was stupid, and it’s inevitable that, if the comment section were open, someone would defend it like it’s their job.)

ANYWAY, next time your food is cold or your server sucks, just take a breath and smile and politely ask the waiter to fix the problem and remember that until you leave the restaurant you may think that the customer is always right, but I assure you being right isn’t gonna make your meal any better – being nice will! BLOG HARD!

It’s always a business doing pleasure with you!

– Dylan Vox