Doolittle Does It and the Super Bowl Can Make You Gay

It’s been a completely random week for me and as such this will probably be the most random entry ever, but since you all like to make comments, I was hoping that I could put some somewhat interesting thoughts out there that I could get some feedback on. [Ed note: Ah, but the comments section is temporarily closed.]

First off, American Idol has started. Since I usually skip the first round of fake performers that they hire to come in and make asses of themselves, I had some catching up to do. When I finally tuned in, I was met with 24 men and women who have what I would consider marginal star appeal, at best. The winner, as predetermined, will no doubt be Justin Timberlake-wannabe cutey Chris Richardson, even though Melinda Dolittle is my new Chris Daughtry as best person of the year who won’t win. My friends were convinced Sanjaya and Haley (?) were not gonna make the top 12, but I assured them that there was no way the show was gonna allow five black girls and only one white girl (Gina Glocksen) to make the finals. And as far as Sanjaya is concerned, do we remember John Stevens and Jasmine Trias? Oh yeah, of course we don’t.

The show has produced some great talent, like Kelly, Jennifer Hudson, Carrie, Chris Daughtry, and Elliot, who would never have been able to thrive without the platform, and Melinda will no doubt make that list. Usually, one each year deserves to be a star, especially in a world where people still care about Britney Spears’ choice of rehab centers. On a side note, Britney and Whitney should really go on the road together and call it the “Itney” tour. It could be like The Amazing Race where they go from city to city to see who can snort more cocaine, or who could shave her head the quickest, or whose crotch shot was the most repulsive. It would completely sell out!

I would talk about Survivor now, but the show is so boring I can barely remember what it’s about. NEXT!

Recently, the FCC received about 150 complaints regarding the Super Bowl, and most of them revolved around the idea that the broadcast was promoting homosexuality. The Smoking Gun has put together a few of the absurd complaints from viewers who are concerned about everything from the half-time show to the commercials. One of the offended viewers was bothered that the half-time show would have an unfortunate lasting effect on his son, who “hoped to be a quarterback and now he will turn out gay…Thanks CBS for turning my son GAY.” Apparently the fact that Prince was performing was considered more “gay” than the sweaty athletes ramming and tackling each other. Many of the complainers were upset because they believed the rock star was manipulating his guitar as if it were a penis and the opening silhouette of him was phallic. Maybe they were just upset that the image was misleading or more a product of wishful thinking, but either way it’s not cool to false advertise.

Speaking of advertising, another unsatisfied viewer complained about that Snickers” commercial with the two mechanics accidentally kissing. GLADD and the other gay-rights activists got upset and had the spot pulled, but it looks like some people thought the ad was actually pro gay and also had a problem with it. “God knows, I didn’t turn on the Super Bowl expecting to be tricked into watching gay sex!” a woman complained. “My husband rushed in to see the men kissing. This violates our religious beliefs and exposes our children to obscene and disgusting material they are taught are wrong. I want something done about this!”

With all of the injustices in the world it is amazing that there are people who actually think that the Super Bowl could affect their lives either way. I for one have yet to meet anyone who has turned gay from watching television, but I’m sure if watching Andy Roddick play tennis won’t do it nothing will. Perhaps next year the game will be played without contact between the players, so that two men will not be forced to touch each other. And maybe they should throw squares instead of balls, which would spare everyone from another homosexual controversy.

And finally, my new show will begin airing at the end of May. The show has some big hair and some big boys, is a little campy, a little scary, and hopefully will be great fun to watch. There is a MySpace site if you wanna check it out. Or visit Here TV. Also, I’m starring in a new play called King Kalimari, which opens in April. We’re in rehearsals now and the show is really funny, so if you happen to be in LA come check it out. Tell me what you think and BLOG HARD!

It’s always a business doing pleasure with you.

– Dylan Vox