I’m Bringing Sexy Back?

Ever since I first started in the entertainment business, I have been told repeatedly that I am not the most beautiful person, but that there is something about me that is sexy. I thank them for the back-handed compliment and cope with the fact that I am not conventionally hot, but I’ve begun to realize that sex appeal doesn’t always come from great looks. (OK, so I’m telling myself this to make me feel better; just bear with me.) I’ve put together a list of some of the people I find sexy and why. Some of them are conventionally hot, but usually that’s not the thing I’m attracted to. For example:

I love John Cena. I have no idea what it is about him. I don’t like wrestling and I’m not a fan of meatheads usually, but I have actually rented his terrible movies just to watch him smile. He happens to have a great body and a cute face, but his sexiness for me goes way beyond that. But I swear it’s not just looks that make people sexy. Benicio del Toro could be one of the ugliest dudes on Earth. He has bags under his eyes, a pot belly, smoker’s skin, and an unkempt look about him, but the dude is just crazy sexy. When he talks it’s attractive, and when he walks he has a confidence about him that just draws you in.

If you’ve seen the show Alias then you’re familiar with the lovely and completely sexless Jennifer Garner. She has a great body, nice teeth, good hair, and about as much sex appeal as Bea Arthur. She just doesn’t have anything about her that encourages sexual fantasies. Angelina Jolie, on the other hand, does have that special thing that makes every man, woman, and child want to mount her. OK, maybe not child. She has a great body, sure, but if you really look at her she’s not naturally beautiful. Her lips are so big they look infected, her forehead is like a fivehead, she has oddly large alien eyes, and she’s kinda an asshole in interviews. But dude, she’s just hot and oozes sex appeal.

So you get the gist of where this story is going. I’m gonna tell you who I think is sexy and then you bitches need to tell me who melts your butter. Zach Braff from that goofy TV show Scrubs is just amazingly sexy. He’s funny and quick-witted and his dumb-ass antics make me hor… happy.

Kelly Clarkson has the voice of God. She could sing the Gettysburg Address to me and I’d still be in love. She’s a little big around the hips, but when she sings she’s just so damn sexy.

Ryan Reynolds is kinda obvious, but his great body is not what makes him sexy. It’s the way he makes people laugh. He’s not a great leading man because he’s so silly, but it’s when he’s playing a fool that he’s the sexiest.

Kate Beckinsale could easily be confused with all the other boring-ass 20something girls that are pretty, with great tits, and completely interchangeable. But she has taken parts in films and wears outfits that set her apart and make you wanna tear off those skintight leather unitards and…well, you know.

Morgan Freeman has actually played God in films. He has such a strength and nobleness about him that make him sexy. Susan Sarandon is about 160 now but her motherly beauty compels even the hottest men to take a second look. She is the ultimate Mrs Robinson and her talent makes me hot.

Anderson Cooper makes me do a 360 every time I see him. Even when he’s covering natural disasters while wearing Prada, he just has such a smoothness that coaxes you to tune into the news all the time. And Sharon Stone is still sexy even after having that brain tumor removed and starring in Catwoman. Halle Berry is wearing the cat suit with the perfect body, but Sharon is the one with all the sex appeal.

Chris Daughtry from American Idol may not have won the show, but he won my heart. His voice is amazing and that bald head just rocks. I know Prince William is supposed to be the hottie, but it’s Harry who’s the true heir to sexidom. He started out with big ears and jacked teeth, but damn that boy has grown.

Brad Pitt’s not playing fair because he has everything. His success has come from the fact that he’s not only the hottest man alive – even after 40 – but so damn sexy. That gay midget fool Tom Cruise could learn something from him on how truly to be a star.

So maybe I’m not that pretty, but if I can be sexy I’ll be happy as a pig in shit. Let Matthew McConaughey rock out with his cock out, and let Britney Spears jam out with her clam out, I prefer my list. I hope you guys have some less obvious sexy people to add to it. Blog Hard!

It’s always a business doing pleasure with you.

– Dylan Vox