How to Have Sex Like a Star
Forget everything you were taught about the birds and the bees, fast food sex is over. If you wanna know how to get out of the bad-sex slump, here are some tips that will catapult you from going through the motions to having amazing sex like a pro.
Sometimes more is not merrier. Three-way sex has a great ring to it, but often doesn’t live up to expectations. Someone is ALWAYS left out, and there is nothing worse than getting into an argument because you weren’t getting enough attention. If you absolutely have to have sex with more than one partner, try to make it another couple so at least everyone is getting gratification. Groups may look great on film, but most of the time the camera focuses on just a few players and the rest of the crowd is just mills around. Unfortunately, this is a case where life imitates art. If you don’t have anything better to do than get up during sex and go smoke a cigarette, then you aren’t having good sex. Keep the numbers down and you everybody involved will have a hot time to remember.
Timing is everything. I’ve never really been impressed when people tell me stories about how they fucked all night because usually it means the sex was not very intense. Great sex should feel fantastic the entire time and every move should have excitement to it. A great trick if you want sex to last longer is to stop in the middle and lay just inches away from each other. Look into the other person’s eyes until you can’t stand the separation. When you feel each other’s bodies again you’ll have great satisfaction and the intensity will reach scorching proportions. Keep the energy up and don’t go for record time, go for a sexy quality romp.
Drugs are bad, umkay. If there was one reason to stop doing drugs, bad sex would be it. You may think you’re having crazy mad sex, but I guarantee if you filmed it, you would see that it looks like a very long round of manic golf with Bobby and Whitney. No one wants to doodle with a dead noodle and most drugs kill a hardon. Sweating profusely, grinding your teeth, and having to stop the action to get up and do another hit of whatever you are taking completely destroy the sexual encounter. If you have to use drugs, PLEASE do so after you have sex.
Change your position. The Kama Sutra lists a billon positions, give or take, yet most people end up in only two. BORING. Missionary is OK if you’re just going for a fast fuck, and doggie style loses connection with your partner cause you can’t see what they’re doing. If you have to go this route, stand in front a mirror so both partners can watch. Change it up. Find something that feels good and when you’re getting comfortable change it around. If you happen to be a full-on bottom nothing is as impressive as flipping a top over and doing him for a while, and I guarantee you will both be rewarded after the role reversal.
Can we talk? OK, I’m not Dr Phil, thank God, but when he’s able to pull his nose out of Oprah’s ass, he says the key to any relationship is communication, and when it comes to having great sex, I couldn’t agree more. A lot of people say they wish their partner could have sex differently and my response is, Well, you have to tell them, dude! Using noises is an effective way to show when something feels good. If you like what they are doing let them know by groaning or tensing your muscles. Eventually it’s like Pavlov’s dogs and your partner will figure out this is something you like. Another hot way to communicate is on the computer – totally lame, but true. A lot of dudes, and girls for that matter, like cybersex or at least like to talk about sex online. Try it with your partner. It can be totally hot to work someone up on line and when they get home just go at it. It’s also a good way to say stuff that you may wanna try, but are too afraid to ask.
Music makes the people cum together. Music is a great way to change up the intensity of sex. A lot of people play long remixes and endless techno tracks when they are fucking and unfortunately that can be a huge distraction rather than an erotic contributor. Try to find music that has a natural build to it. Classical music like “Bolero” (no, not the shitty Bo Derek movie) or something by Puccini can help both partners create a heightened sense of enjoyment at the same time, building with the music. Or If you like it a little grittier, something like Nine Inch Nails’ “I wanna Fuck You Like an Animal” or Lil’ Kim’s “How Many Licks” still have a great crescendos to them and create a hard rhythm for sex. This way all of the participants can tune their bodies together instead of just having the music randomly playing in the background.
The key to kissing. Jesus Christ, I can’t believe how many people still don’t know how to kiss! There is nothing worse than hanging out with a hottie and you lean in to get the first kiss and you realize that they have absolutely no idea what the hell they’re doing. A kiss requires a gentle force, soft lip action, a probing tongue, and good breath. Make sure if you are meeting up with someone that you always always have gum or mints handy. They should be like condoms, always ready to use. I love making out, so I actually chew gum during sex because it keeps my mouth wet and tasty so that my partner will wanna lock lips with me the whole time. Just be careful not to drop it on them lol. Make sure you don’t use your tongue like a crazy dart or a slobbering dog when you kiss – that should be saved for other parts of the body. Instead, find a rhythm and a comfort in sharing your mouth with someone else. The kiss is arguably the most intimate act, that’s why Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman said that hookers don’t do it, so make it good.
Most importantly, have fun. Talk dirty, wear outfits, laugh, groan, smile, and make sure that sex is enjoyable. Oh, and ALWAYS WEAR A CONDOM! Other than that, don’t create rules and be open to new things. That’s how to have sex like a star!
– Dylan Vox