Dirty White Trash!
I think everyone should feel special and be recognized at some point in their lives. So in this entry today I’d like to give a big shout-out to poor white trash. I really feel lthat society reveres upscale, up-class, uptown, fancy pants people, but I want to recognize the human garbage God threw out. So let’s raise the roof for garbage!
A lot of times people don’t know how to recognize white trash, so I’ve got some some tips and examples for you so that if you meet someone who is, or if you yourself happen to be, you can learn to appreciate the less finer things in life.
It’s very very easy to find white trash in the restaurant or hospitality industry. If you have people sitting in the smoking section with their children, you’ve got some white trash. Or if someone is drinking Dr Pepper or Mr Pibb, he’s probably a trailer-park treat. Mountain Dew drinkers over the age of 15 also qualify. So don’t expect a tip of more than ten percent! Theme parks are another great place to find hoards of backwoods folk who LOVE the taste of funnel cakes and BBQ ribs slathered with fat. And count dollar stores, dollar movies, Old Navy, and Panama City Beach among other favorite WT destinations.
Trashy people have double negatives down to an art form. You can watch any episode of Cops and find a great example of this. “He didn’t have no shirt on” seems to be a popular phrase. And Corvettes and Trans Ams, are you kidding? These are the cars of choice for white trash when they’re not driving around in their houses. And can we discuss teeth, please. Come on, this is a dead giveaway. Little corn teeth or broken teeth or especially missing teeth – they tell you that you are face-to-face with someone of the trashy persuasion. But we all need heroes, so here are some celebrities that we can look up to – after the jump.
• White trash model: Nikki Taylor. Married her high school sweetheart, who beat her up at the age of 17, proving that being trashy can still be beautiful.
• White trash singer: Britney Spears. One of the queens of trash, with all of her money she is still just a simple hometown girl who can go to Rite Aid six months pregnant without wearing shoes.
• White trash actor: Woody Harrelson. First, the name Woody should signify the affinity for garbageville. But that, coupled with the fact that he wore a white hemp tuxedo to the Oscars, completes the argument.
• White trash celebrity: Anna Nicole Smith. Stripper turned model turned gold-digger turned reality diva – way to work it, Anna!
• White trash sports star: Nascar drivers and wrestlers usually fall into this category, but Tonya Harding really personifies white trash with her cheap KMart outfits and strawlike hair.
• White trash movies: Anything starring Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey, or with poo-poo humor.
• White trash television: Is Jerry Springer really still on the air?
• White trash pastime: Video games. If you or your husband is over the age of 30 and still playing video games you really need to get out more.
• White trash names: If you are thinking of Crystal or Tammy if it’s a girl, or Bobby Joe or So-and-So Junior if it’s a boy, welcome to the club!
• White trash Airline: Southwest. THEY LOVE IT!
Now I’ve given you the tools to recognize white trash when you see it, so be proud, stand up and be recognized – and make sure you say hi! BLOG HARD!
It’s always a business doing pleasure with you!
– Dylan Vox