Reality Check

This was the week where all of my favorite shows played those horrible goddamn recap episodes. Do they think that our short-term memory is so jacked up that we can’t remember what has happened for the first six weeks? When Desperate Housewives started two years ago my friends insisted on making me watch the show, and for a few weeks I really got into it. Then they replayed episode three again, then four again, then a new episode, then the first episode again, then the sixth episode again, then three weeks passed before a new episode, and ahhhhhhhhhh. I became so frustrated that I just gave up and haven’t tuned in since. OK, just had to get that out, lol. Anyway, I thought this would be a good time to have a reality update.

The Amazing Race is always, well, um…amazing, but this could finally be the year where an all-female team can break into the top three. I totally dig Miss New York and Miss California who, other than being totally hated by the other teams, have really done a great job of carving their own way through the show. Lyn and Karlyn ROCK. They remind me of the girls I went to high school with in Atlanta, a lot of spirit and a lot of attitude. I do have one criticism of the show, but it’s a criticism which pretty much covers every reality show. Why do they insist on putting ugly and effeminate gay people on reality TV? It is so irritating. Other than Chip and Reichen, they’veput the most unattractive gay guys on the Race and it almost becomes offensive after a while. This season, Tom and Terry reminded me of two hobbits and I nicknamed them “Middle-earth.” They were just like the Guido’s from season one and just like those fools who went first last season John and Scott, and just like Ken and Gerard (yes, I know one of them said he was straight but come on) from season three. BRANCH OUT, CASTING PEOPLE. I have always heard women say that gay men are so much hotter than straight men and that they take better care of themselves and stuff. Watching the Race, that theory would be extremely hard to prove. I mean, this year the two drug users are more likeable than the gay guys. That sucks.

And on that gay note, I turn to Survivor. The season has pretty much been just as I predicted with race making zero to no difference in how the game has been played. This is a good thing, although I do hope that the white people stop all of the whining. So far I’m rooting for Becky or Yul to take home the grand prize and if my theory is right, they both have a chance of winning. Ozzy will be there until the end since he is now the only Latino left representing. Sundra and Rebecca are pretty much the same person so far, so one of them will be out very soon, and you just gotta love Nate. The other night, I met Brad out at a bar and he is definitely NOT the typical gay guy they stick on the shows. He is not a hairdresser like Coby, he’s not super queeny like Brandon, he’s not fat and bitchy like Richard; in fact, I think he is the first gay person in Survivor history that I would actually categorize as hot. Unfortunately, I think he may be getting a little bit of a superiority complex, which is to expected when dealing with all the unnecessary drama that takes place, but I don’t think he will be hanging around for much longer.

And speaking of drama, America’s Next Top Model again is offering its fair share of memorable television moments. This is perhaps the ugliest season of girls, with Melrose topping the ugly tree. Megan was the prettiest and the most modelesque, but as an openly gay woman, I just don’t think that Cover Girl was ready to accept her as a spokesperson, so she was conveniently given the boot. Anchal is extremely hot, but I am thinking that in seven seasons they have never had a blonde win the show, so I’m predicting Caridee will take the prize. The CW has “asked” Tyra to lose some weight, to which I say, It’s about time to practice what you preach. I know that ANTM has a higher African American following, so the black girls tend to do better on this show, but I really don’t think that either Eugenia or Jaeda has anything to offer the modeling world.

Once Jerry Springer got kicked off Dancing with the Stars, I pretty much lost interest. (Did I really just say that?) I did find it funny that my best friend who is gay had no clue who Emmitt Smith was or how he was staying on the show. I explained to him that most people in America who actually vote on these shows would definitely know the legendary former running back for the Dallas Cowboys before they would recognize the womanizing A C Slater, I mean Mario Lopez.

And that’s my recap. Hit me up with some comments about the shows, and if you have any predictions, I would LOVE to hear them.

Now for the answers to last week’s movie quiz: 1) Overboard, 2) Thelma and Louise, 3) Point of No Return, 4) Who’s that Girl, 5) 9 to 5, 6) Rush Hour, 7) Pulp Fiction, 8) Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, 9) My Cousin Vinny, 10) Friday, 11) Clue, 12) Ring Master, 13) Clueless, 14) Death Become Her, 15) Maximum Overdrive, 16) The Color Purple, 17) Halloween, 18) Nightmare on Elm Street, 19) Parenthood, 20) Heathers, 21) Harlem Nights, 22) 16 Candles, 23) Natural Born Killers, 24) As Good As it Gets, 25) All of Me, 26) Just One of the Guys, 27) Bullets over Broadway, 28) Beaches, 29) Goonies, 30) Lean on Me, 31) the Toxic Avenger, 32) Who Framed Roger Rabbit, 33) Steel Magnolias, 34) Pump up the Volume.

Nice try everyone! BLOG HARD!

It’s always a business doing pleasure with you.

– Dylan Vox