The halls are buzzing with the big premiere of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 9 (in TWO weeks!) and ‘the oldest contestant‘ Charlie Hides sat down with Out Magazine to discuss all things drag! From the moments she arrived in the work room to reading the other queens to filth, she’s a riot!
Check it out:
Cheers to survival. Charlie Hides is the oldest contestant ever to appear on RuPaul’s Drag Race, and he’s in top form. I first became aware of the British performer—who’s on season nine, premiering March 24 on VH1—through his YouTube channel, where he impersonates Cher, Christina and other icons with a dryly amusing precision. Friday night at the Triad, his TransAtlantic Dame show confirmed that he’s gifted and riotously funny.
Looking, by his own admission, “like a zebra fucked a smurf,” Charlie dove right into the old-age jokes, claiming “I’m so old, that my ears are still ringing from the Big Bang.” When a scrim descended and almost hit him on the head, he quipped, “I already have onset dementia. I don’t need another concussion!”
And then came an onslaught of quotable quips and numbers about his experience on Drag Race:
There was a song that went, “You ain’t shit till you’re picked by Ru,” featuring lyrics like, “I’m flying first class; I’ve got glitter and sequins coming out of my ass.”
Charlie said, “I was warned, ‘Don’t attack Michelle Visage. She’s RuPaul’s best friend.’ But in my audition video, I said, ‘Michelle has her tongue so far up Ru’s ass, she could tickle his tonsils with it.’ Well, RuPaul saw it and still hired me!”
“They probably hired me to get some use out of the bathroom bars they put in for Kasha Davis and Tempest DuJour.”
“When I walked onto the set and saw Kimora’s and Trinity’s asses, I wasn’t sure if I was on Drag Raceor Botched.”
“The delightful Farah Moan told me, ‘You look pretty good for your age.’ I don’t look pretty good. I look fucking fabulous—and not just for my age, for any age!”
Hides also scored portraying different female figures, like Marge Simpson (“What do you call Susan Boyle with a rape whistle? An optimist”) and Joan Rivers (“When Anne Frank played hide-and-seek, she hid in the oven.”) Oh, by the way, Hides is unrepentantly un-p.c. and doesn’t care who he offends. His best bit had him coming out as Cher and conversing on the phone to other icons (on video), including the real Kylie Minogue, plus himself as Madonna. “We have a lot more in common than you think,” said Hides as Madge. Replied Hides as Cher, “Did your daughter become a man? Do you have an Oscar? We have nothing in common.”
Fellow season 9 star Alexis Michelle—who Charlie was staying with—scored with a beautiful “Somewhere That’s Green” (ending with “Somewhere that’s Ellen Greene”). Then Hides gave a lovely speech about friends he lost to AIDS (and the accompanying homophobia), urging the gay kids out there to realize they’re beautiful and loved. This led to an audience singalong on “True Colors,” and then Alexis Michelle re-emerged to duet with Charlie on the Golden Girls theme. A wonderful evening of release without remorse—just what we needed.