I guess it’s only been a week, but dear lord it feels never-ending, doesn’t it? Yesterday, you’ll recall, we learned that Zac Efron was in this year’s Brown Bunny, after he was laughed out of Cannes for getting pee’d on by Nicole Kidman in The Paperboy. Today, there’s a minor kerfuffle with Kristen Stewart for jerking off two guys at once in On The Road. Those guys being Garrett Hedlund and Tom Sturridge, to which I say “nice work if you can get it.” However, Dan Gainor of the Culture and Media Institute doesn’t see it that way and complains to Radar Online: “How will parents who took their daughters to see the Twilight movies explain this? It is irresponsible of Stewart and manipulative of Hollywood bosses.” Well, perhaps parents SHOULDN’T TAKE their teenage daughters to see On The Road, how ’bout that? How ’bout letting them sneak in on their own so they can discover the joy of a good handy without mom squirming next to them?

Anyway. There’s good news for Kristen’s beau and fellow Twilight alumni Robert Pattinson, who gets mostly good marks for his dark, ennui-filled turn in David Cronenberg’s Cosmopolis. The movie itself, however, might be too challenging for casual viewers, dealing with post-modern literary concepts and tackling dense criticism of capitalism, greed and class. Yay.

And in news closer to our hearts, Wild Bunch Distribution has taken the French rights to WOW veteran Rodney Ascher’s Room 237, the hot doc about theories surrounding The Shining, with a UK deal already in play. We’re planning your welcome back party AS I WRITE THIS! Congratulations!