Knife Writer

Nasty Stuff

2008-01-18T11:54:20Z

In his spare time, Donal has been taken on as a spy.

Dare Me Do

2007-12-21T16:28:55Z

You thought we were gone. Oh no, we're just plotting. And what's more, we need a hand. Donal is, as we all know, well up for it. Daring I mean. He's going to do a dare. A horrifically embarrassing, dry-mouthed, shocking dare. But exactly what dare we do not yet know... as this is your job. That's right - you have to tell us a dare. One dare, a random dare, will win. The only catch is he will be starting in London, and the challenge cannot take more than a day to complete, or cost him more than £100. Get daring. Post them as comments here, or email them to knife@worldofwonder.co.uk

Paws for Thought

2007-11-20T10:49:31Z

When you've turned to feeding your cats as you would chickens - it really has to stop. Below - the full Reuters report...

Urine Be Joking

2007-11-19T10:38:39Z

I always thought the sea from a very tall cliff was the most satisfying place to relieve myself into. But urinal.net has proved me wrong, over and over again. This is just asking for 20 part series in which Donal must tinkle into all of them only armed with 20 pence and a re-fillable bottle of Dr Pepper.

Secret Blogman Revealed

2007-11-06T10:41:47Z

Over the last few months I've thoroughly enjoyed reading the blog of The Youngest TV Controller in History... a thinly veiled parody of Danny Cohen. Today, he signed off, for the first time using his real name. It's Dominc Vallely, commissioning editor of Dragon's Den. Who knew? In memoriam: a section of my favourite post, in reaction to the mis-editing scandal.

"Exec drops by 2 weeks into the roughcut, and is aghast at the lack of dramatic 'jeopardy' in the storyline. Drained and knackered P/D explains: "look, that is just how it happened, okay?!" Exec, fearful that the cut won't play well with me, orders dramatic changes to real-time narrative "to inject some fucking bite and energy to it". P/D, by now just wanting an easy fucking life after a shoot-from-hell, relents after noble effort to protect the genuine timeline of events. Starts sweating about the fact his very trusting contributors still have his mobile phone number. A week later, I pop down to the edit, cool as fuck, expecting to be impressed. The assembly is adequate. Fifi is going to hate it. MY ARSE IS ON THE LINE! I need some major fucking changes, fast. "Can you make the mother look more angry at her son's behaviour?" I demand. The world-weary, exhausted P/D looks puzzled: "She really didn't get much more animated than that." The Exec - taking my line - barks back: "Well why the fuck not! Look at her son's disrespectful behaviour. I would fucking kick the cunt out if he did that in my house!" I pipe up - "yes, yes, YES!! Have her boot him out of the home. Brilliant! Did you get any shots of the son storming out of the front door that we could cut in?" P/D looks even more pained, and commands his editor to trawl the rushes. 4 days later, I pop down again for the second viewing. Eureka! Half way through film, just when it needs a little pick-me-up, the son *does* indeed storm out, leaving his mum in fucking tears. I love it! Real moment of jeopardy. Critics will respect this scene, and viewers will be hooked. Television magic. I'm semi-hard. Congratulate P/D on remarkable 'turnaround' in narrative. Programme airs 6 months later, I get a nice pat on the fucking back from Fifi, the Exec finally breathes a huge sigh of relief when the show gets 2.1 million (AND up against Big Brother!!) but I hear that the P/D has quit telly and decided to train as a marriage counsellor. Poor him!"

ps. it took 2 hours until someone posted his address and mobile number as a comment...

Buck the Trend

2007-11-06T10:15:51Z

I fancy a dance this morning.

Doing the Bouncy

2007-11-01T11:29:42Z

Proof that ping balls have more than 2 uses. Stick with it.

May You Be Damned

2007-10-31T10:50:10Z

I'd heard about this, but it's only now that someone has uploaded the evidence that we can all really appreciate how great it is. It's the visual record of the reason Top Gear DILF James May was sacked by the incredibly enraged editors of Autocar Magazine. James had grown irritated by having to make up that year's "Road Test Yearbook" - so he did what any man would do in the situation, and concocted a 2-month long scheme to secretly show the world exactly what he thought.

"On the day that it came out I'd actually forgotten that I'd done it because there's a bit of a gap between it being "put to bed" and coming out on the shelves. When I arrived at work that morning everybody was looking at their shoes and I was summoned to the managing director of the company's office. The thing had come out and nobody at work had spotted what I'd done because I'd made the words work around the pages so you never saw a whole word. But all the readers had seen it and they'd written in thinking they'd won a prize or a car or something."

CLICK THE IMAGE FOR BIGGER (see the original pages here)

Man Who Had Sex With Bike In Court

2007-10-30T17:52:01Z

No, really. Gives a whole new meaning to riding your bike. Or bicycle pump. Or having sex with a bike and going to court regarding that. (ps. how?)

Weather He Is High?

2007-10-30T11:54:10Z

People are saying that this really happened on the BBC last week. I remain unconvinced.

Huggy Muggy

2007-10-26T09:30:37Z

A few year ago I was happy slapped, which wasn't at all a pleasurable experience. Thankfully the muggers of London have taken the plight of me and my wide-eyed, wide-pocketed contemporaries to heart, and have created a more enjoyable form of releasing cash from strangers. The name of their game is Huggy Muggy, as demonstrated in the image from this week's Time Out. As as you emerge from a pub, a slightly weird looking man asks for a hug. Such a warm gesture in this cold city! you think. Others pile in as you embrace. It's a big heap of love. So much so that you don't notice all your possessions being nicked. Good on them I say.

Ready, Steady, RULES

2007-10-25T09:28:04Z

Faintly reminiscent of our own stunt, there's a new game in London town, known as the Soho Project. The idea goes that you have to film yourself completing one of their 'tasks' (organise a tug of war, pimp a bench) for 'points.' So far, so whimsical. But the interest lies in that you must declare when you're out filming, and if anyone else playing the game films you then you both get more points. BUT if one of the games 'saboteurs' manages to get in your final video then your points are halved, and they get your points. And there's some sort of Facebook widget that ties it all together, which is where you form your teams. Reminds me of this (by WOW, naturally):

Their Cup Runneth Over

2007-10-22T11:56:19Z

I thought I'd seen it all. But unfortunately not. There's a new shock site on the scene, and although I always thought that goatse was a bit lame, this one really does knock you on the floor, and consumes your mind for about a week. 2 Girls 1 Cup is its name, and I'd say speculating rather than watching is probably for the best. So much so that I'm not even providing a link here, but instead just the first in a series of videos of people watching it. Uuuuurrrrg.

Kitchen Gun

2007-10-15T17:54:34Z

Finally, a sketch worth playing twice. Bang Bang Bang!

I'll Be Baffle

2007-10-15T14:01:39Z

A totally baffling Japanese advertisement with Arnie at its centre, laughing like it's election day. Amazing.