Knife Writer

In his spare time, Donal has been taken on as a spy.

You thought we were gone. Oh no, we're just plotting.

And what's more, we need a hand.

Donal is, as we all know, well up for it. Daring I mean. He's going to do a dare.

A horrifically embarrassing, dry-mouthed, shocking dare.

But exactly what dare we do not yet know... as this is your job.

That's right - you have to tell us a dare.

One dare, a random dare, will win.

The only catch is he will be starting in London, and the challenge cannot take more than a day to complete, or cost him more than £100.

Get daring. Post them as comments here, or email them to knife@worldofwonder.co.uk

When you've turned to feeding your cats as you would chickens - it really has to stop. Below - the full Reuters report...

I always thought the sea from a very tall cliff was the most satisfying place to relieve myself into. But urinal.net has proved me wrong, over and over again. This is just asking for 20 part series in which Donal must tinkle into all of them only armed with 20 pence and a re-fillable bottle of Dr Pepper.

Over the last few months I've thoroughly enjoyed reading the blog of The Youngest TV Controller in History... a thinly veiled parody of Danny Cohen.

Today, he signed off, for the first time using his real name.

It's Dominc Vallely, commissioning editor of Dragon's Den. Who knew?

In memoriam: a section of my favourite post, in reaction to the mis-editing scandal.

"Exec drops by 2 weeks into the roughcut, and is aghast at the lack of dramatic 'jeopardy' in the storyline. Drained and knackered P/D explains: "look, that is just how it happened, okay?!" Exec, fearful that the cut won't play well with me, orders dramatic changes to real-time narrative "to inject some fucking bite and energy to it". P/D, by now just wanting an easy fucking life after a shoot-from-hell, relents after noble effort to protect the genuine timeline of events. Starts sweating about the fact his very trusting contributors still have his mobile phone number.

A week later, I pop down to the edit, cool as fuck, expecting to be impressed. The assembly is adequate. Fifi is going to hate it.

MY ARSE IS ON THE LINE!

I need some major fucking changes, fast. "Can you make the mother look more angry at her son's behaviour?" I demand. The world-weary, exhausted P/D looks puzzled: "She really didn't get much more animated than that." The Exec - taking my line - barks back: "Well why the fuck not! Look at her son's disrespectful behaviour. I would fucking kick the cunt out if he did that in my house!"

I pipe up - "yes, yes, YES!! Have her boot him out of the home. Brilliant! Did you get any shots of the son storming out of the front door that we could cut in?" P/D looks even more pained, and commands his editor to trawl the rushes.

4 days later, I pop down again for the second viewing. Eureka! Half way through film, just when it needs a little pick-me-up, the son *does* indeed storm out, leaving his mum in fucking tears. I love it! Real moment of jeopardy. Critics will respect this scene, and viewers will be hooked. Television magic. I'm semi-hard. Congratulate P/D on remarkable 'turnaround' in narrative.

Programme airs 6 months later, I get a nice pat on the fucking back from Fifi, the Exec finally breathes a huge sigh of relief when the show gets 2.1 million (AND up against Big Brother!!) but I hear that the P/D has quit telly and decided to train as a marriage counsellor. Poor him!"

ps. it took 2 hours until someone posted his address and mobile number as a comment...

I fancy a dance this morning.

Proof that ping balls have more than 2 uses. Stick with it.

I'd heard about this, but it's only now that someone has uploaded the evidence that we can all really appreciate how great it is. It's the visual record of the reason Top Gear DILF James May was sacked by the incredibly enraged editors of Autocar Magazine. James had grown irritated by having to make up that year's "Road Test Yearbook" - so he did what any man would do in the situation, and concocted a 2-month long scheme to secretly show the world exactly what he thought.

"On the day that it came out I'd actually forgotten that I'd done it because there's a bit of a gap between it being "put to bed" and coming out on the shelves. When I arrived at work that morning everybody was looking at their shoes and I was summoned to the managing director of the company's office. The thing had come out and nobody at work had spotted what I'd done because I'd made the words work around the pages so you never saw a whole word. But all the readers had seen it and they'd written in thinking they'd won a prize or a car or something."

CLICK THE IMAGE FOR BIGGER

(see the original pages here)

No, really. Gives a whole new meaning to riding your bike. Or bicycle pump. Or having sex with a bike and going to court regarding that.

(ps. how?)

People are saying that this really happened on the BBC last week. I remain unconvinced.