Sarah Palin will resign from office some time this month. I image this is a real cause for celebration. **fireworks** See the full story here.

If you have ever had the urge to piss or cum on Gene Simmons, here's your chance. He hopes it will be in response to the taunts about the size of your member, which he is obviously dying to see. It isn't as though straight men cum and piss on each other's faces. What a clever ploy, kind of like the clown make-up, platform boots and poseable dolls. Gene, are you trying to tell us something?

Andy Roddick shocked the British nation in a thrilling 4 set win over the heavily favored number 3 seed, Scottish champion, Andy Murray. Roddick will now face Roger Federer on Championship Sunday at Wimbledon. (Photo by AGuyNamedWayne)

Pornography has been outlawed in Ukraine except for "medicinal purposes". What is a "medicinal purpose" for porn? Oh I know. 1) Watching Charlotte Vale being used as a party favour alleviates your depression in a way akin to Prozac. 2) You are closeted and you can not figure out what to do with the vagina you are expected to enjoy. 3) You were addicted to erotica and now need daily mmf clips as methadone. 4) Your partner has cheated and you think you can save the family by learning to relax your gag reflex. Any more? Tell me!!! t/y Adult Newswire (Twitter).

Only in Hollywood do you get to see a guy at a bus stop wearing a neck brace, a leg brace, a waist brace with crutches (no not James St. James) eating a large raw cucumber. The picture is not that good (new 3GS) but that white speck between his legs is the half eaten cucumber.

And, finally, I'm thinking maybe I should wear this bacon turban with my toilet paper dress, when I go out this weekend. Because bacon goes with everything. And it, too, would be economical and reusable. OMG, I'm going to be the prettiest girl at Tranny Shack!

We were walking down Hollywood Boulevard today and saw the poster for the Los Angeles run of The Color Purple starring Fantasia. She just kicked off the tour in Washington D.C. this week. Here's what the critics are saying: 

"Fantasia is a hit! Her performance is a must-see…it's almost too beautiful for words!"
--The Daily News
 
"A BIG HIT! A really stirring, inspiring show"
--The Chicago Tribune
 
"SOARING AND JOYFUL"
--Time Magazine

Check out this web page of glorious wedding gowns made from toilet paper. Inspiring, economical and 100% reusable! I would totally wear both of these gown. Possibly this weekend. 

My beach look usually consists of a caftan over a burka with a big picture hat and those comically oversized novelty sunglasses from the '80s. Otherwise I end up looking like Donatella, here.

If you plan on going to the beach this holiday weekend, here are some homemade sunburn remedies from dangeroussunburn.com. Don't say you never learned anything from this blog.

Aspirin Paste: Mix together a paste of two aspirin (crushed to powder form), aloe vera gel, and vitamin A & D cream. Mix these ingredients vigourously making sure aspirin is completely liquefied as small chunks or gritty paste will cause additional discomfort when applying to sunburned skin. Use the back part of a spoon to crush and smooth paste. Apply to sunburn and cover with light clothing or damp rags. This will help alleviate blistering and reduce discomfort. Great results from those that have tried.

Grannys Cider Vinegar Cure: Apply cider vinegar on your sunburn helps establish a tan and it helps stop blistering. Use before and after sun exposure should be applied before and after a bathing. It also provides relief from the pain of a really bad sunburn.

SUN (Burn) Tea: Take four tea bags and make a pitcher of boiled tea or sun tea (Sunburn Tea. Place tea in the fridge to cool or add ice. Once it is chilled wet a rag and apply to sunburned skin for instant sunburn relief. The acid in the tea will turn the burn to tan. It was used in burn clinics for years with success! You can also put into spray bottle and spray directly on skin.

This is utterly absurd, this video of beautiful women "testing their bras" by riding on a rollercoaster. But it is also delightfully funny and makes us laugh. Every time. And, hey, this might be exactly how bras are tested, for all we know. Makes sense.

• A 45-year-old "furrie" woman with the odd name of Richael Michels has been arrested for having sex at furmeets with her daughter's 16-year-old ex-boyfriend. 

• Ralph Lauren model Nacho Figueras was spotted shooting a scene with the Gossip Girl cast at the Greenwich Polo Club in Connecticut.

• Semi-fresh off the Tonys, Neil Patrick Harris will host the Emmys in September. 

• Gary Coleman's wife, Shannon Price, was arrested and booked last night on two counts of domestic violence for bullying her little guy and breaking stuff at their house.

• Angelina Jolie is $2 million and one Brad Pitt richer than Jennifer Aniston. 

• Mischa Barton was kicked out of the ladies' loo at Whisky Mist in London for trying to sneak a friend into a stall with her. Can you snort steroids? 

• It'll cost you $25 if you want to go to Michael Jackson's memorial service at the Staples Center next week. 

• Ryan O'Neal wouldn't allow son Griffin or daughter Tatum at Farrah Fawcett's funeral, but Redmond, his son with Fawcett, was granted leave from prison to attend. 

• Was romance the reason Zac Efron and Megan Fox had dinner together in the Valley the other night?  Fox thinks of herself and Efron as being like Janet and Michael Jackson: "We are the same person." And also brother and sister? 

Oops. What I meant to say: Beth Ditto looks LIKE Divine. But that's part of her beauty. I love a girl who can work a domino print. (via d-listed)

Brilliant, but odd because he had the same reaction when he discovered the giant squid wasn't in the Watchmen.  (via Buzzfeed)

A troupe of very talented CGI toddlers display spectacular stunts (for their age) in this diaper-rush commercial for Evian that leaves us wondering what any of it has to do with water. Babies love bottles?

Like most Japanese commercials, it seems a bit surreal at first. But when you realize that the text at the end translates roughly into: "If you use a cell phone, you'll be a light guy," it all falls into place. Sort of. Maybe not so much. But hey, it's Brad and a sumo wrestler. What more can you want?

We assume the story doesn't have a rumble; instead, they all get Tumblr accounts. (College Humor; t/y Ed)

I think we're all a little in love with Luke Worell, am I right? Sure the glasses are a bit 'hipster tool' for my tastes – but he really completes her, doesn't he? He gives Kelly that extra bit of chic that elevates her into the Pantheon of the Fashion Gods. Together, they are our John-John and Carolyn Bessette, our Garbo and Barrymore, our Brad and Angie. And I just love him for loving her. Please let them be together forever. That's all.  (image via Bauer-Griffin, via Gawker) 

The marriage of the tweely named society darlings Tinsley and Topper Mortimer is over. According to Page 6, Tinsley has moved on to a dashing German aristocrat named Casimir Wittgenstein-Sayn. Says an unnamed source: "Tinsley is over Topper and interested in becoming a real princess. Topper isn't the catch she thought he was, and she makes more money than him these days." I totally think this is a big mistake on her part. The only reason I ever paid attention to her in the first place was that her name was TINSLEY and she was married to a guy named TOPPER. Tinsley and Topper. Tinsley and Topper. Omg, that made me laugh every time. And she wants to give up that sort of brand recognition to become Princess Tinsley Wittgenstein-Sayn? I don't think so. And anyway, Princess Grace she ain't. Just sayn.