According to a theory floated on BuzzFeed yesterday, Beyoncé is actually Solange’s mother (dun dun DUN). Someone who claims to work for the Department of Health in Texas supposedly unearthed Beyoncé’s birth certificate and alleges her birth date is 1972 instead of 1981 making Queen Bey 42 instead of 31. WHICH I TOTALLY BELIEVE. Then: Somebody once told somebody else that Beyoncé’s cousin once told THEM that Bey gave birth to Solange when she was 12 or 13, and the family covered it up and Tina raised the basement baby as her own. Which means that Beyoncé is actually a mother of two, and a grandmother to Solange’s 8-year-old son, Daniel. The theory goes on to say that the shadowy secret society The Black Boule (“who are responsible for taking the Nubian Nation off the path off righteousness”) is somehow involved and that TINA Knowles might actually be Beyoncé’s SISTER and not her mother. It’s all backed up by unsourced quotes from friends of friends of course, and say what you will about this, but I’ve seen enough Days of Our Lives to know that shit happens and IT’S TOTALLY POSSIBLE. And if somebody could find me that gif of Faye Dunaway screaming “MY SISTER! MY DAUGHTER! MY SISTER! MY DAUGHTER!” from Chinatown, I’d be ETERNALLY grateful.