Town & Country has assembled the high school senior pics of the 2016 presidential candidates and they are SHOCKING. Who knew that they were all actually young once? And, gulp, some of them were even kind of CUTE. Now, politics aside, imagine yourself back in high school, and try to imagine which ones you would have swooned over and which ones would have wanted to nerd-bash.
Jeb Bush was born and raised in Texas until he went to boarding school at Philips Academy in Andover, Massachusetts. Despite poor initial grades, he made the honor roll his senior year and was the tennis team captain. His shaggability rating? Mid-level, at best.
Benjamin Solomon Carson Sr was born in Detroit and attended Southwestern High School, where he participated in the Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps and reached the rank of cadet colonel. He’s pictured here in his 1969 senior picture, looking too sweet and innocent to assess.
Chris Christie was three-time class president at Livingston High School in Livingston, New Jersey where he played catcher for the Varsity softball team. Would you have crushed on him? Maybe. Kind of. Probably a little.
Perky little Hillary in 1965 at Main South High School in Park Ridge, Illinois, where she was class vice president, member of the class council, class newspaper, National Honor Society, Speech and Debate, and Pep club (of course she was). I think she’s rather adorable here, and I’m sure she was fending off beaux left and right.
Rafael Edward “Ted” Cruz – born in Calgary, Canada, before moving to Texas where he attended two high schools, Faith West Academy in Katy, Texas, and Second Baptist High School in Houston. Would you have crushed on him? Not on your life. If anything, you would have wanted to put a foot in that smarmy little face. Strange that he looked like a little weasel even than.
Former Governor of Virginia Jim Gilmore, pictured here in 1967 at Randolph Tucker High School in Richmond, Virginia, looking like every nerd crush I’ve ever had. Yes, I definitely would have feigned ignorance of Algebra to get him to be my study-buddy.
Mike Huckabee was student council vice president and later president at Hope High School in Hope, Arkansas. He was an unfortunate-looking teen – very serial-killer-in-training – which means his crushability rating is almost nonexistent.
John Kasich (pictured here in 1970) attended public high school in McKees Rocks, Pennsylvania. He’s… cute-ish, I suppose.
Martin O’Malley grew up in Washington DC and attended Our Lady of Lourdes High School in Betesda. And yes, he’s definitely cute, but I think he’s actually hotter now. So, I’m not sure.
Randall Howard Paul, who went by Randy, was a student at Brazoswood High School in Texas, where he was on the swimming team and played defensive back on the football team. Would you have crushed on him? HELLZ YEAH YOU WOULD HAVE. He looks like your older brother’s best friend who never gives you the time of day and drives you absolutely MAD.
Marco Rubio. Little Marco Antonio Rubio, shown here in his 1989 senior class picture from South Miami Senior High. Was he someone you would have crushed on? Again: HELL YES. I would have followed him around school like a puppy dog. And knowing his proclivity for hanging out at foam parties in South Beach gay clubs, methinks I might have had a chance.
Bernie Sanders attended James Madison High School in Brooklyn, where he was captain of the track and cross-country team. He also got his first taste of politics where he ran for student council president (coming in dead last, HA!). And I’m not going to bring the wrath of his rabid fan base down on me by suggesting he wasn’t cute, soooooo. Hubba bubba. Whatta guy.
Rick Santorum. Dear God in heaven – PASS! PASS! Move along! MY EYES! MY EYES ARE BLEEEEEDING!
And finally, here’s the most upsetting one of all. Donald Trump at the New York Military Academy where he earned the rank “cadet captain” and graduated in 1964 (and was voted “ladies man” by his classmates). Yes, dammit, he’s really cute and yes, dammit, I would have been besotted with him.