A certain property on the RE/MAX real estate site is getting a lot of attention for what it DOESN’T say in the description. Like: What the fuck is going on? The quaint-but-slightly-run-down home is a steal at just $130,000 and features four bedrooms, three bathrooms, and 2,650 square feet of southern charm. Oh yeah… and a top secret, super-creepy upstairs tenant who may or may not be a ghost or a murderer or possibly A GHOST MURDERER. Who the hell knows.
“Please read carefully before scheduling showings,” the description reads.
Which, I would imagine, is a big red flag in the house hunting biz right there.
“May not qualify for financing. Great “diamond in the rough” investment property. Little is known about condition except that property has active roof leaks. Property is being sold “as-is” with no repairs, no clean-up, and no warranties expressed or implied.
OK, OK. Not that appealing, but nothing actively WRONG yet.
Next comes this:
Upstairs apartment cannot be shown under any circumstances. Buyer assumes responsibility for the month-to-month tenancy in the upstairs apartment. Occupant has never paid, and no security deposit is being held, but there is a lease in place. (Yes, it does not make sense, please don’t bother asking.)
Let me get this straight.
There’s a tenant already living in the house? Who doesn’t pay rent? And has never paid rent? But who has a lease? And you aren’t allowed to know who it is? Or see where he lives? And you can’t even ask any questions?
Possible theories of who could be up there (from most likely to least likely): A ghost (as mentioned before), an axe murderer (because of course), a corpse dressed as Mother, someone in the witness protection program, Bigfoot, your Dad after he said he was going out for cigarettes in 1994, the first season of RuPauls Drag Race….
A few pics below of the part of the house you can live in. Not sure why there’s a hole in the ceiling (something trying to DIG OUT of the upstairs?), or what that red paint is about (it IS just paint right? RIGHT?!) I also forgot to mention the giant paperclip (?) next to the old-timey sacrificial alter out back in the yard… I don’t know, but the who thing just feels a little off to me. But, hey, if you guys want to go in halfsies wth me, I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about.