Oh my gosh, my house in under siege by the annual influx of mosquitoes- IT MUST BE SUMMER! Or is it just a heat wave? And why ARE there always so many mosquitoes in my part of Hackney?

Did you know that only female mosquitoes have that little sucker tube and they don't suck at you for food. The vegetarian 'mosquitas' use the protein in your blood to harvest their babies. So those little bites are even worse than you thought- you've just facilitated the expansion of the swarm........

If you think the mosquitoes should start working for you, have a little look at this ridiculous site offering free mosquito ringtones

Brilliantly they're supposed to be adult and teacher proof tones because the frequency of the 'mosquito call' is too high for old people to hear. Definitely worth testing this out on a grandparent or just using to annoy people.

I have to say I'm pleased to note that I can definitely hear the tones that the site says are inaudible to those over 24. Last week I told my hairdresser I was 25 and he said,'that's ok- you're old but you're still hot.' Is that a compliment?

Ami x