Bettie Boo-hoo


This hits hard. The news coming out of Riverdale today is not pretty. After 70 years and 600 issues, that red-headed rascal, Archie Andrews, is finally settling down with the girl of his dreams. And who do you think emerges victorious from the eternal Archie/Betty/Veronica love triangle? Wait for it…. wait for it… if you guessed rich-bitch Veronica Lodge, you would be correct. I mean: Fuck a duck, man. Bloody Hell. Just as in real life, the “haves” continue to stomp all over the “have-nots,” amiriite? In her blog (?!) today, Veronica says: “I am so excited, I am getting married to Archie! There is so much to do, so many plans to make. I wonder if Betty wants to be my Maid of Honor? I bet she is so happy fo me!” Meanwhile, over at Betty’s blog (?!) she merely says: “I am so sad I don’t even know what to say.” Now, I never thought of myself as a “Betty,” but when I read that, I just wanted to break down and cry. That poor dear. Oh, I know just how she feels.

Over at Jezabel, they are equally distraught. “That gentleman prefer brunettes is no surprise” they say. “Surveys indicate more billionaires have brown-haired wives, and most men would rather marry a brunette,” and that: “a look back through the annals of pop culture shows that the sassy, dark-haired girl is more likely to come out on top than the boring, blonde girl-next-door.” 

And, finally, a quick bit of trivia: did you know that Jughead’s real name is Forsythe Jones, and that Archie was originally modeled after Mickey Rooney’s Andy Hardy character? Well, now you do.