Bettie Boo-hoo

wedding bell blues Veronica Lodge Comics Betty Cooper Archie Andrews

This hits hard. The news coming out of Riverdale today is not pretty. After 70 years and 600 issues, that red-headed rascal, Archie Andrews, is finally settling down with the girl of his dreams. And who do you think emerges victorious from the eternal Archie/Betty/Veronica love triangle? Wait for it…. wait for it… if you guessed rich-bitch Veronica Lodge, you would be correct. I mean: Fuck a duck, man. Bloody Hell. Just as in real life, the “haves” continue to stomp all over the “have-nots,” amiriite? In her blog (?!) today, Veronica says: “I am so excited, I am getting married to Archie! There is so much to do, so many plans to make. I wonder if Betty wants to be my Maid of Honor? I bet she is so happy fo me!” Meanwhile, over at Betty’s blog (?!) she merely says: “I am so sad I don’t even know what to say.” Now, I never thought of myself as a “Betty,” but when I read that, I just wanted to break down and cry. That poor dear. Oh, I know just how she feels.

Over at Jezabel, they are equally distraught. “That gentleman prefer brunettes is no surprise” they say. “Surveys indicate more billionaires have brown-haired wives, and most men would rather marry a brunette,” and that: “a look back through the annals of pop culture shows that the sassy, dark-haired girl is more likely to come out on top than the boring, blonde girl-next-door.” 

And, finally, a quick bit of trivia: did you know that Jughead’s real name is Forsythe Jones, and that Archie was originally modeled after Mickey Rooney’s Andy Hardy character? Well, now you do. 




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