Pup Culture: Asking for It

This photo of Molly Sims exercising with her dog (Bauer-Griffin via Hollywood Tuna) reminds us of that classic moment from World of Wonder's 2005 Showdog Moms & Dads series on Bravo: "He bite me in my vagina," (Watch clip)

Vote Now

For World of Wonder clips to be featured on Bravo's upcoming 20 Best Bravo Moments special, we need your help. Please go to Bravotv.com and vote for the one from Showbiz Moms & Dads, with four-year-old Debbie Tye getting spray-tanned to be pageant-ready, and everyone's favorite from Showdog Moms & Dads, the one with the woman explaining that her dog "bite me in my vagina." Won't you help? Thank you.

(W)underdog

We were pleased to see that Kyra Sundance and her clever dog Chalcy are performing at the El Capitan Theatre at showings of Disney's live-action canine superhero movie Underdog. World of Wonder fans will remember the duo from our 2005 Bravo series Showdog Moms & Dads. Sounds like a treat. (t/y David S)

Pup Culture/Shelf Life: As Told To?

Kyra Sundance, one of the stars of WOW's Showdog Moms & Dads series, has a book out now that instructs on how to teach your dog the tricks that make her co-author Chalcy a show-winner. 101 Dog Tricks should keep you busy and your dog's addiction to treats enabled until a second volume comes out.

That Thing You Doo

Andy POO blog today, "Everybody Poops," is funny. It's so weird because last night, as I watched Oprah talk poo with Sean Hayes, I made a little note to self: "Ask Ed to do Oprah poo video mash-up." But after reading Andy's blog, I was reminded of the Bravo poo incident. It was our first cut of episode one of Showdog Moms & Dads. There was an extended dog-poo sequence and Fenton, producer Todd Radnitz, and I kept upping the poo factor. "More poo, More poo." Sadly, Andy's network made us trim the poo! Poo hoo!

– Randy Barbato

[Ed note: We got Eduardo to find that scene that was dumped from Showdog Moms & Dads, the extended one with George and Connie's whippets doing their thing in the yard. Enjoy. It's poop culture.]

Puttin' on the Dog

We've really got to stop watching The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. But sometimes it's worth suffering through the monologue for someone or some thing that might unexpectedly pop up and be interesting later. Like, Rebecca Romijn was a guest on Friday hyping her Pepper Dennis sitcom and during the chitchat, she revealed that she and boyfriend Jerry O'Connell had been huge fans of WOW's Showdog Moms & Dads series on Bravo last year, following it obsessively. And it turns out that they have this weird hobby of getting their portrait taken while dressed as other people (she didn't say, but we figure it's a sex thing), and they once made themselves over as George and Connie, their favorite couple on Showdog. Sounds crazy but it's true – she had the photo to prove it. Unfortunately, we don't.

C'est Ce Bone

RE the post on the AWOL whippet that's keeping an army of pet psychics busy rubbing their crystal balls, did you know that the missing dog – Champion Bohem C'est La Vie – is the sister of Showdog Moms & Dads star Champion Bohem's Ooh La La (above), better known as Oohla the Brother Humper?

And the similarities don't end there. Oohla's owners, the irrepressable George and Connie Boulton, ALSO hired a pet psychic. They were heading to Philadelphia for the National Dog Show, and wanted to find out if Oohla was finally going to get the last few points she needed to make her a champion. Unfortunately, all the pet psychic could come up with is that Oohla liked having "balls in her mouth." Hopefully C'est La Vie's owners will come up with something a little more constructive.

– Chris May

[Chris was a field producer on Showdog Moms & Dads]

Shameless Plug

We deserve a nice meaty treat. Or, better yet, a bite on our vagina. Reality Blurred has posted its five top reality shows of 2005, and WOW's Showdog Moms & Dads came in at number 3, just above number-4 Being Bobby Brown.

Bravo’s Showdog Moms and Dads. In the middle of the season, a random woman’s dog attacked a random guy in a park. From the driver’s seat of her van, that woman explained in broken English that even she was scared by her vicious dog. She said, “He bite me in my vagina. When I’m walking and he sees other dog, he right away, he jump on my vagina, because he get so crazy!” With peripheral cast members like her, plus an extremely strong, fanatically obsessed group of dog owners, is it any wonder that people watched attentively? The show was easily the best of the Moms and Dads series, and one of the best series of the year.

(Related) (See also)

The Bitch Is Back

On the sixth day of Festivus, TVSquad lists the six biggest primetime bitches of 2005. And in keeping with his owners' flamboyance, the Squad has chosen the little male, Liberace, from WOW's Bravo series Showdog Moms & Dads as the sixth biggest bitch, nipping closely at the heels of Angela from The Office.

Blooper Scooper

Hey, a WOW clip came in 7th on E!'s 101 Craziest TV Moments, which is actually a clip show of not necessarily crazy but memorable moments in entertainment, from celebrity doings to public faux pas. In WOW's case, it was what we here lovingly call the "bite me in my vagina" clip of that woman whose vagina was apparently chomped on by her own dog in the Bravo series Showdogs Moms & Dads. E!'s number 6 was Bobby and Whitney on Being Bobby Brown, so we couldn't be prouder.

(Previously)

Vagina Licks Cruise

The "Bite Me in My Vagina" segment from WOW's Showdog Moms & Dads Bravo series is the 8th most-viewed clip on ifilm.com's Top 100. With 150,545 views, it beat the paltry 133,317 for "Tom Cruise Gets Squirted," which comes in at #9. The Bite Me clip is known outside WOW as "Vicious Dog Attack."

Every Dog Has Its Day

New York magazine rates the guilt/pleasure ratio contained in the current crop of reality series on TV – and Showdog Moms & Dads comes up best-in-show. Should you watch? "Absolutely," says the mag. "It's can't-look-away TV at its best. A childless woman coaxes her German shepherd to produce "grandchildren." An Australian shepherd licks cream cheese off a pinup girl's rump. It's the perfect reality marriage of hilarious and horrifying." The guilt/pleasure needle points to pleasure.

Tonight at 10, the last episode of Showdog airs on Bravo. While you're waiting, here's a bit of Ian Whitcomb singing that old canine standard, "My Dog Has Fleas." Enjoy.

Our Story So Far

That Showdog Moms & Dad chronicler Chris Eades is still at it, bless him, recounting and editorializing episodes in exacting detail, right down to commercial breaks. For example, who can forget this moment from last week's show? You were there, and this is exactly what you saw and what you thought. Uncanny.

Ryan interviews privately that he thinks that Brandon uses him as an excuse for why he's not succeeding. I don't think that's true. I think Brandon mostly beats up on himself. The better to draw the sympathy and attention onto himself. Then Brandon has his complete freak out and starts crying about how he was looking forward to this, but now can't do it. Ryan tries to comfort him. I hate to laugh at another's misfortune, but it's still kind of funny when Brandon tries to talk and can only get out a word or two before he has to sob and gasp for air. It's like a three-year-old trying to talk when they're crying really hard. They can't get the words out. And like a parent, Ryan gently pats Brandon's head and tries to get him to drink from a bottle of water. I don't know how Ryan puts up with him. See, Ryan's the level-headed one, but he's not assertive enough to put Brandon in his place when he starts being a drama queen. Ah, who cares. I'm sick of giving Brandon's tantrums the attention he's so desperate for. Let's move on. The boys head off to bed as we head to commercials on the shot of the white lawn jockey outside.

Two-Cent Post

We watched the penultimate episode of Showdog last night, and today we got this email from Moira:

Just thought I would drop you a note to let you know that Adam Cornell got his first AKC Best in Show Jr this past Sunday at the Rio Hondo KC. It was a great moment for him and for me on Mothers Day! Way to go Adam!
– Moira

All Ears Bulletin

Don't forget: Get home tonight in time
for episode 7 of Showdog Moms & Dads,
Bravo, 10PM

Roll Down the Windows

If you're thinking of starting a blogsite, it's a good idea to pick a theme that's so specific you're pretty sure no one else has thought of it, then stick with it. Like Dogs in Car. Which really is just dogs in cars, except for one that's actually a horse and one of the dogs happens to be in a train. But otherwise. . . . It's French, of course, but delightfully and surprisingly light on poodles. (Thanks, Afsheen)

Dogmatics

So what's this we've heard all our lives about one year of human life equaling seven of a dog's? Marilyn vos Savant, the genius who writes the "Ask Marilyn" column for the Sunday mag, Parade, sets us straight, although we can't figure it out even with a calculator, because she's the genius and we're, um, not. If humans' and dogs' rates of aging were similar, she says, then a one-year-old dog would be like a seven-year-old child and a 10-year-old dog would be akin to a 70-year-old senior. But actually, "experts" concur that a one-year-old dog is more like a 15-year-old human and a 10-year-old dog is more like a 56-year-old. When a dog reaches 13, she says with just a hint of hilarity, it would be eligible for Social Security.

Ma and Paw

Duke and Lourdes enjoy the moment. For a moment. If you're not busy tonight juggling your TV viewing, they'd love it if you'd tune in to the sixth installment of Showdog Moms & Dads on Bravo at 10PM. It's the episode where a menacing hurricane hits the house in Florida where Lourdes and her dogs live. Dogs really don't like storms.

Better Than Eating Poop

This is a bully stick. If you're a dog owner, you know what it is. If you're not, you don't. So we'll tell you. It's a bull's penis. A dried bull's penis. They measure about 24 inches usually, though they can be divvied up and sold in 6-inch lengths. You won't want to divvy at home; the penises are so hard they're almost impossible to bend, never mind break. Jealous? Dogs love 'em because they're stinky and chewy and last forever. Did we mention stinky? Jeez. Connie and George of Showdog Moms & Dads fame (episode 5 airs tonight at 10 on Bravo) apparently don't mind the odor.

Fetching Brides

Here's something to chew on: Dogs and brides. Second and third only to serial killers, dogs and brides are the most popular topics in America. So dogs AS brides has got to be a killer combo. Like above. And this. Do you have cuter pics? Show us – and we'd love to see some handsome, well-groomed mutt dressed as a groom.

Showdog Moms & Drags?

Everyone who loved Showbiz Moms & Dads is just CRAZY about Showdog Moms & Dads, even though the two series are completely different. So don't forget to catch the fourth of Showdog's eight episodes tonight at 10PM on Bravo.

Dog Do

Before you watch ep 4 of Showdog Moms & Dads tonight on Bravo, make sure you catch up with what you might have missed. In his recaps, Showdog's most dogged fan, Chris Eades, leaves absolutely nothing out while adding his own feisty musings.

Kyra then starts second-guessing herself in voice over, saying she should've known there would be glass on the beach or put shoes on the dog or whatnot. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. The clock now reads 3:40. Finally they're put in an exam room, where there seems to be a cat wandering around loose. There's also a rather harsh moment when they're trying to put Chalcy down on the table and the dog slips and kind of hits her head. Ow! Randy pets the cat while Kyra comforts Chalcy. Why is there a cat wandering around? It's now 4:03, and still they wait. Then Kyra interviews how she appreciated being allowed to stay while they fixed her dog up. We see them sedate Chalcy and put a tube down her throat and everything. Kyra starts crying as she talks about how it looks like she's dead laying on the table like that, and she just keeps watching her chest rise and fall to make sure she's still breathing. Wow. Maybe they shouldn't let her stay in there during the procedure.

Stuck Duck

Last Sunday, our dachshund chewed off and swallowed the heel and toe of a black-and-pink rubber squeaky toy, designed by Isaac Mizrahi in the form of a lady's shoe and sold exclusively at Target, for dogs. Benny found it in a neighbor's yard. It's not uncommon for Benny to take his gnawing pleasure too far. In fact, observing an X-ray of Benny's abdomen taken during a checkup last year, the vet detected a small, curious mass. "It's some part of a rubber toy," we told him. "It will pass."

Now we're not so sure we'll live long enough to witness the passing. Today, we read an account of a boxer dog in Sweden who ate a rubber duck five years ago and it stayed inside the dog's belly until it was removed by a vet last week. It had become a hard black lump. (Yahoo via Reuters)

Addressed to Heel

Hi. Just wanted to let you know that Chalcy and I will be performing the halftime show at the Corpus Christi Hammerheads arena football game on 5/1/05. We do an acrobatic stunt dog show. We've performed at several NBA halftime shows in the past, but this will be our first football show. Thanks.

– Kyra Sundance

TONIGHT! AT 10PM! SHOWDOGS MOMS & DADS! ON BRAVO!

The POLICE confront Brandon and Ryan when Liberace is HELD FOR RANSOM!

Roxy EATS CHEESE out of a Playboy model's BUTT CRACK!

Kyra has a MELTDOWN when Chalcy undergoes SURGERY!

Lourdes DRIVES to the Kansas dog show with her WACKY DOG HANDLER!

Connie and George SQUEEZE Pepe's ANAL SACS!

(Bravo, BOW WOW,)

What Up, Dog?

There's a fine Showdog Moms & Dads site at tv.yahoo.com, with pictures and preview clips of the upcoming shows. Today you can see Kyra tend to Chalcy's cut paw before it happens later tonight, and worry along with George and Connie over Pepe's non-winning streak.

Keeping Up with the Boneses

We love this guy, Chris Eades. We remember him from back in the Showbiz Moms & Dads days, when he recapped each and every moment of that knockout World of Wonder series on Bravo. Now he's back, watching – apparently without blinking – Showdog Moms & Dads. Nothing is left out in his reports; it's like he's narrating for the blind, but with attitude.

Without a commercial break, we are now introduced to Lourdes, and although the caption says "Peter," she identifies her husband as "Pedro." Okay. They're from Miami, Florida. They're sitting on a couch surrounded by three large dogs. And right up front, let me warn you that I don't know anything about dog breeds, so thank God for the Bravo website. Lourdes introduces the animals as her kids, and as one barks, she says he's telling us he's adopted. Because he's a different breed. As she tells us about how she got her first dog, Max, we see her dress the German Shepard up in a Superman cape and shirt. I love dogs in clothes. This oughta be good. Then she shows us Duke, another German Shepard who is a pumpkin.

And he goes on. Two episodes so far. He also recaps American Dreams, and you can still find his total recall of Showbiz Moms & Dads on his website, chriseades.com.

(Check out Bravo)

A Program Note

"What? I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody. I coulda been a showdog. But who needs all that exercise. I like to sleep and eat. What? People like their pets? Well, my people spend all their time watching TV, so you figure it out. Which reminds me, I gotta wake them up in time to watch Showdog Moms & Dads. The second episode is on tonight at 10PM on Bravo. Now move, I gotta take a leak and I'm not averse to using your leg."

Putting on the Dog

Everyone here at WOW involved with Showdog Moms & Dads (producers, editors, etc) played this game to find out what kind of dog they are. And on the eve of the second episode (last Sunday's 11PM repeat of the premiere episode was Bravo's highest-rated show of the day, with a demographic of under-40s), we bring you the results.

Executive producer Randy Barbato, Irish red and white setter

Executive producer Fenton Bailey, Braque du Bourbonnais pointer

Supervising producer Todd Radnitz, bull terrier

Executive producer Shari Levine, English cocker spaniel

Executive producer Andrew Cohen, bearded collie

Supervising story editor Mathilde Rittner, basenji aka Congo bush dog

Associate producer Robin Nelson, saluki

Field/story producer Chris May, Irish red and white setter

Field/story producer Angela Rae Berg, Entlebach mountain dog

Field/story producer Nicole Solomon, Hungarian puli

Field producer & editor Skylar Smith, Xoloitzquintle ala <exocam

Editor Jamie Boulton, American foxhound

PA Matt DeNoto, Norwegian elkhound

PA Mark Islam, Spanish mastiff

Girls' Best Friend

We like to think she was moved by the premiere ep of Showdog Moms & Dads last Wednesday. Page Six says that Ashley Olsen, half of the duo known as the Olsen Twins, got herself a terrier-pit bull mix to keep her company now that the girls are spending less time together. Mary-Kate already had a chocolate Labrador (which is probably the only chocolate she can stomach). Or maybe Ash was just copying M-K. They are psychically conjoined after all.

Central Bark

Heather Havrilesky in her "I Like to Watch" TV column over at Salon says Showdog Moms & Dads is like Best in Show, but because it's real it's a little less funny and a little more depressing. But in a good way.

Yes, "Showdog Moms & Dads" hits a little too close to home for comfort. While we could chuckle heartily as the depraved parents on "Showbiz Moms & Dads" screwed up their children, I think we can all agree that screwing up a little dog's self-esteem is no laughing matter. And, while we wouldn't dream of making our kid traipse across a stage at age 3 singing "God Bless America," we might just purchase a rhinestone-studded collar for our pooch. In fact, we might've purchased one several months ago.

And darling Mui at her Socialite's Life blog plops her liking of Showdog etc, right between the Official Britney Spears Pregnancy Watch and that clip of the Euro guy who thinks he's Rocky Balboa.

If you haven't been watching Showdog Moms And Dads, you've been missing one of the most hilarious hours of television. Some freaky people. The WOW Report has podcasts of all the moms and dads, which give you a little more insight on these dog lovers. You can catch the show on Bravo.

SM&D on TVOP

The Showdog Moms & Dads forum is up and running on televisionwithoutpity.com (or TWOP), and people seem just as invested in and entertainingly opinionated about the show as they were last year with Showbiz Moms & Dads.

Today, someone named Shnuglet was "horrified when Kyra took the period diaper off Chalcy and then apparently performed her show with the menstruating dog leaking onto her. Chalcy, however, was adorable." And stlouischili added that "just for the sake of trivia, my aunt's dog once had to wear the period diapers. Their brand name was Bitch's Britches."

Dog Blog

This is a little crazy and a lot fun. The Tinys is a website supposedly hosted by dogs and filled with shopping and gossip. There's a TV tabloid spoof, CelebriTiny Tonight with (dog) dish on Britney, Lindsay, and Mary-Kate you should watch. And a pup's report on the premiere party for Showdog Moms & Dads. (We weren't aware there was a premiere party.)

Unleash

Get in early on this chat about Showdog Moms & Dads on Data Lounge. It's hilarious.

Was it just me, or was anyone else grossed out by that older couple? The guy kept tongue kissing his dogs and the wife keeps crusty chicken hearts in her mouth as treats during shows! And his voice sounds like the old pervy guy from Sixteen Candles, Long Duck Dong's host father.

Speak! Showdog Moms & Dads Exclusive

OK, so you watched Showdog Moms & Dads last night. Today, we have the moms and dads on the phone for an exclusive podcast for the WOW Report. Hear what the new TV stars have to say about seeing themselves on the series premiere.

1. Ryan and Brandon

2. George and Connie

3. Moira and Adam

4. Lourdes

5. Kyra

Behind the Blur

Many people – including myself – have been wondering just what was up with all the blurring and bleeping on last night's premiere of Showdog Moms & Dads. Since when is the word "Hump" – as in "when Oolala humps her brother" – a dirty word that has to be bleeped? (And the bleeps make it seem so much worse than it it really is.)

Well, it was a surprise to all of us here at WOW. And to Bravo as well. Seems an editor at the broadcast facility used by Bravo had some sticky fingers and took it upon himself to edit the show. Heads are rolling. Fur is flying. Someone's in the doghouse. You get the point.

The good news is that as of this morning the show has been restored to its original splendor. . . and it's airing more than a dozen times this week. So really, this is the perfect excuse to catch the show again in its full, uncut version. Humping dogs and all!

– Todd Radnitz

[Ed note: Idle rumor around the WOW offices is that NY Times TV critic Virginia Heffernan may have found her way into that broadcast facility.]

Pooper Scooper

In the face of the NY Times' rather harsh review of tonight's Showdog Moms & Dads premiere, Gawker comes to the show's defense, sort of.

How Can This Show Be a Dog?
Filed under Culture : Television

While reading Virginia Heffernan’s negative assessment of Bravo’s Showdog Moms & Dads in today’s New York Times, we found ourselves wondering how any show that elicits the following from a family paper can be so bad:

“…revolting scenes of artificial insemination, testicle analysis, and (what might be the worst) the administration of the vaunted B.A.R.F. diet: Bones and Raw Food.”

“…they are the ones who have to contend with Liberace’s undescended testicles, and apply a massage technique designed to coax them down.”

“She has a son, Adam, whom she grooms as if he were a fifth pet.”

“We see slides of dog semen and close-ups of a vaginal exam.”

“… jokes about the stretch marks Brandon has from giving birth to his dog and the many, many conversations about feces…”

If you want our opinion, we think we smell a hit. Heck, it can’t be any worse than Project Greenlight.

Unconditional Love, No Matter the Species [NYT]
Showdog Moms & Dads [Bravo]

(These Dogs Don't) Snap!

Oohlala and Pepe, stars of Showdog Moms & Dads, which airs tonight at 10PM on Bravo. Oohlala, you'll remember, just had a litter of pups (see below), of whom Pepe is not the father. Turns out Oohlala had a tawdry affair in Reno. But then, who hasn't? Be the most informed viewer tonight – meet the Showdog families, look at photos, and watch clips on tv.yahoo.com.

Rubbers for Rover

Dog Condoms supposedly will be available in pet stores and "convenience markets" (where Daddy buys his own) by the start of 2006. Now if we could only figure out where Fido will carry his wallet. (t/y Afsheen)

Snap!

Connie and George Boulton's champion whippet Oohlala had a full-to-bursting batch of puppies recently and they all got named after movies. This one could just as easily be named Goldfinger as any of the others, but we can't imagine any of them being cuter. See Mommy do her tricks on Showdog Moms & Dads tomorrow at 10PM on Bravo.

Poo Poo Patter

Today's LA Times has gone to the dogs – for a story. Dogs are always interesting. In Los Angeles, like in many a big city, dogs are not man's best friend but man's surrogate child. Or so the pampered-pet article would have it. Along with the usual, Beverly Hills-style pet pampering – manicures and pedicures, aromatherapy and psychotherapy, shampoo and set, designer duds, and doghouses with guest rooms and heated pools – seems there's a kennel in LA where a "bed buddy" will sleep with your dog in a four-poster bed for $70 a night. The bed buddy is of the human kind of course.

Television has picked up on the chance to get a heavy share of this dog-owner demographic. There is the National Geographic Channel's The Dog Whisperer, a stern how-to tutorial; Animal Planet's Who Gets the Dog? that has people vying for a pooch's love, a la The Bachelor; and of course our favorite, Showdog Moms & Dads.

A spinoff of the hit "Showbiz Moms & Dads" (which documented the horrors of stage mothers), ["Showdog Moms & Dads"], premiering Wednesday, follows couples who take their purebreds on the dog show circuit — some spending up to $30,000 a year making their dogs (literally) jump through hoops while trying to prove to the world (or, at least, mercurial dog show judges) that their beloved babies are, in fact, "best in show."

The beleaguered pooches are hauled on airplanes, dressed in ballerina outfits, and put on constant display. "I want him to be the center of attention," says one owner of his new terrier puppy, purchased because his champion lineage. He then proceeds to name the puppy Liberace, dress him in a cape and take him to have his teeth whitened. (Full story, sub req)

Different Strokes

Just in time for Wednesday's premiere of Showdog Moms & Dads, we link you to Pornstar Dogs & Cats. Actually, they're calling it Pornstar Pets, a delightful DVD showing your favorite X-rated celebrities romping with animals. We know what you're thinking, but no. Not that. It's about G-rated frolicking. Nothing nasty going on. It's Fluffy, for crying out loud. "Marvel as Ron Jeremy feeds his pet Turtle called Cherry," enthuses the ad copy. "Swoon as Taylor Wane fires-up some spicy-shrimp for Buddy, the tempestuous Terrier. Flail as Teri Weigel soaps her snakes, bathes her birds, and wrangles an outrageous army of well-groomed Shelties." Check out the trailer here.

Dogged Approval

In the April 1 issue with the pop culture and Star Wars quizzes, Entertainment Weekly recommends watching Showdog Moms & Dads on Wednesday. Alynda Wheat in the "What to Watch" section says:

You haven't lived till you've seen a German shepherd pleasured by an artificial lady-part. This followup to cult hit Showbiz Moms & Dads (Duncan Nutter, where are you?) does Best in Show one better, turning the cameras on real pooch pamperers. The lineup includes pushy mom Moira and her show-dog kid, Adam; couple Brandon and Ryan, whose dogs sport feather boas; and Lourdes, owner of money-shot Max. The, uh, climax is supposed to be a big dog show, but sometimes the journey's better than the destination. B+

It's in one of the big boxes and there's a picture of Lourdes and Max.

Doggie Style

In preparation for Showdog Moms & Dads starting next week on Bravo, find out what kind of dog suits your personality. Or rather, what kind of dog you'd make. You might be more Siberian husky than Pekinese and not even know it. There's a really fun retro gadgety questionnaire on the Gone to the Dogs site. Click on What Dog Are You? You might have to start going to a vet.

Teaser Pitch

Showdog Moms & Dads "delivers a veritable feast of 'Stupid Owner Tricks,' " says Variety, "one irresistible bowl-full at a time." How's that for a catchy blurb. Series begins on Bravo March 30.

As in "Best in Show," Christopher Guest's spoof of the dog-competition world, the five profiled contenders eventually will convene at the National Dog Show in Philadelphia. The group includes Lourdes, who was unable to conceive herself and cries when a veterinary procedure impregnates her German shepherd, Katie; George and Connie, seemingly impersonating the Eugene Levy/Catherine O'Hara pairing in the aforementioned film; and Kyra, who tours with performing Weimaraner Chalcy, a beast almost certainly smarter than any of the people onscreen. . . . Lourdes, meanwhile, explains that Katie is serving as a "teaser bitch" for harvesting sperm from Max (which elicits more tears) -- a term sure to find life beyond the program.

A Contest to Drool For

Wish that your dog could earn his expensive, scientifically formulated designer kibble? And be appreciated by a larger audience other than you and the vet? Maybe become the next Asta, Lassie, or Cujo? Sure you do. Well, Bravo is holding a casting call for dogs to appear in commercials for its eight-part dogumentary series Showdog Moms & Dads. Bravo on-air producers and a panel of celebrity dog judges (Men in Black's Mushu, above; Winn Dixie's Laiko, below left; and Frasier's Moose, below right) will select five lucky dogs that best display the star qualities needed to sell product and push programming. Auditions will be held in New York City on Thursday, March 24, 2005, from 11 AM to 2 PM at the NBC Experience Store in Rockefeller Plaza at 49th Street between Fifth and Sixth Avenues. Pets will be auditioned on a first-come, first-serve basis. In addition to the five fetching winners chosen for the commercial, the first 150 pawticipants will take home Polaroids of themselves with the celebrity judges and Bravo doggie T-shirts – nothing to sniff at.

FYI: Fur Your Information

• Sir Isaac Newton invented the swinging door for the convenience of his cats.
• A dog's memory lasts no longer than five minutes; a cat's for as long as 16 hours.
• A dog doesn't like to go out in the rain not because it doesn't want to get wet, but because rain amplifies sound which irritates the dog's ears.
• In Japan, you can rent a dog as a companion for $20 an hour.

Showdog's List

PUPPY PERSONALS

Anubis – I'm a loving, friendly two-year-old male pharaoh hound, 23 inches tall and 46 pounds. A clean freak, I don't smell or shed and I'm into bathing myself – with my tongue, OK? If you're furry and bright, you're my type. I love to laugh and I want to make you laugh too. A perfect date would be eating an unlimited supply of smoked gouda cheese balls and Cheez-It crackers with you. I love cheese! Please, no poodles or poop-eaters. See me frolic on Showdog Moms & Dads starting March 30 on Bravo.

Showdog's List

PUPPY PERSONALS