Hole-y Apocalypse!

OMG! WE'RE ALL STILL ALIVE! I must admit I was a little worried for a while there. We were all supposed to be swallowed by a big black hole this morning. Or weren't you paying attention TO THE END OF THE WORLD? Now, I've been following this story for a while and, from what I can understand, the CERN laboratories in Switzerland or Sweden or maybe Norway made a hydro-accelerator thing that would make a little big bang (HA! OXYMORON ALERT!) and show us all how the universe was made. Unless it accidentally swallowed us whole. Or hurled us into an alternate dimension. Or blew us all up. Which would be really sad. I mean, think about it. REALLY think about all the things we'd miss: No more Cody Linley. No more waffles. No more waffles with Cody Linley. No more "Dollypop" show this Friday at the World of Wonder Storefront Gallery (8PM to midnight). No more Daily Freak Show. EVER. Well how awful! Thank GOD we're still here today! YAY!

– James St James

Not the Daily Freak Show – Just Freaky

Slo-Mo Lightning

Limit the skies.

Cloned-Puppies Woman Had Mormon Sex Slave

Seems the publicity caused by the miraculous first-ever birth of puppies cloned from a dead dog's ear, may be the undoing of Bernann McKinney (top left), the woman who was the happy recipient of the pups. She's been identified by more than one observer as Joyce McKinney (top right), the woman who was arrested in England 30 years ago for kidnapping a Mormon and holding him as a sex slave, then fled before being brought to trial. (Times Online)

In 1977, the former Miss Wyoming stalked her lover, a Mormon missionary, to a tabernacle in East Ewell, Surrey, allegedly kidnapped him and held him in a cottage in Devon. There, the 17-stone Kirk Anderson claimed, his petite, busty admirer tied him to a bed using mink-trimmed handcuffs, slipped into a see-through nightie and forced him into sex. At a remand hearing she declared her love for the Mormon with the immortal line: “I’d ski naked down Mount Everest with a carnation up my nose if he asked me.”

Two-Faced Cat: Are You Kitten Me?

An adorable two-faced cat was born in Ohio. We think we've found a good home for the kitty. No, seriously. (via poeTV)

Pup Culture

They say people often look like their pets, but the transition is usually a slow process. Former Hollywood beauty queen Bernann McKinney, however, who sold her house to pay the $50,000 it took to have her dead dog Booger cloned, resembled one of the five resulting puppies right out of the oven. In this photo anyway. Here's video.

The Great California Shake Out

Fenton Bailey writes:

Following this week's quakelet someone on the Today show said it was 99% certain that the big one will happen in California within the next 30 years. That could be tomorrow. Fortunately, our friends at the Great Southern California Shake Out have created a megaquake and scheduled it for 10AM on November 13 of this year. And they've written a juicy Big-One scenario. Here are some highlights from the torrid 24-page account:

It is sunny with a light breeze.. Throughout the region, cars flow to the pulse of traffic lights. Rush hour traffic has cleared, and the workday is well underway in offices,
warehouses, factories, and stores. Schools are full of students, as well as furniture and equipment that will topple in a earthquake.

The San Andreas Fault suddenly awakens and the rupture shoots northwest along the fault at 2 miles per second. In an instant, the ground on the two sides of the fault is offset nearly 44 feet. The rupture front continues its advance to San Gorgonio Pass and dismantles the ten miles of Interstate 10 freeway that straddles the San Andreas Fault.

What Am I?

What is this creature that washed ashore in Montauk? Suggestion after the jump. (Photo via Gawker; t/y James)

Black Hole to Devour Earth

The Large Hadron Collider being built at Cern Laboratories (which is what the "new internet" – "the grid" – is being activated for) could potentially create a black hole that will devour Earth, or "could transform the Earth almost instantly into a dead, dense lump." HOT! (NY Times; photo: Peter Ginter via National Geographic)

– James St James

Best-Laid Plants: Salvia vs Stevia

Readers of the WOW Report who've been paying attention and clicking on links should have no trouble with this test: Which of the leaves above are from the stevia plant and can be used to make a non-caloric sweetener, and which are from the salvia plant and can induce a "profoundly altered state" when chewed or smoked? (Answer after the jump)

Quote Unquote

"Although I do miss the intensity of tracking the tropics during hurricane season, Southern California weather actually keeps me quite busy! Here we have so many different microclimates that we actually give forecasts for many different locations. For example, yesterday it was cloudy and in the 60s along the coast, but we were also dealing with record heat in the triple digits and excessive heat warnings in the valleys and thundershowers in our mountains!" – local Los Angeles weathergirl Jackie Johnson,(KCAL 9/CBS 2) to Soup Cans on the long-held belief that Southern California doesn't have weather.

The Gordian Worm

Gordian worms live inside crickets. Once fully grown, they inject chemicals into the cricket’s brain, brainwashing it and forcing it to kill itself by jumping into water. Once in water, the worm wriggles out of the writhing body and swims off in search of a mate. If only human life were that simple. (37 signals; t/y Tom)

Ecology on the Rocks

Artful rocks have been strewn across the lobby shared by a law firm and one of Discovery's new channels, Planet Green, seemingly to conjure up an eco theme. The rocks, which, surprisingly, belong to the law firm and not to Planet Green, are actually artificial (the large ones, anyway) and sit on non-slip mats.

– Fenton Bailey

The School That Smith and Hubbard Built

Will and Jada Pinkett Smith are founders and funders of the New Village Academy in Calabasas, a pre-K to 6 school with instructional methods developed by Scientology creator L Ron Hubbard and taught by some teachers who are members of the church. One teaching method the school uses, reports the LA Times, is study technology, which was developed by Hubbard and focuses on students gaining hands-on experience, mastering subject matter before moving to the next level. "There is no reputable educator anywhere who endorses [study technology]," said Scientology critic David S Touretzky, a professor of computer science at Carnegie Mellon University. "What happens is that children are inculcated with Scientology jargon and are led to regard LR Hubbard as an authority figure. They are laying the groundwork for later bringing people into Scientology." (Photo: LA Times)

Betty Bowers on Prayer

And now, the latest from Betty Bowers, America's best Christian, who explains the joys of prayer. "You'd all be in my prayers," she says, "if I had that kind of time." And, please, watch in high quality.

Pup Culture

This tiny Maltese was born without front legs and taken in by the Southern Comfort Maltese Rescue in Chattanooga, Tennessee, when she was six weeks old. A device was created for her by orthotist David Trunbill using makeshift shoulder joints connected to model airplane wheels. (Daily Mail via BWE.tv)

Seriously, How Cool Would This Be?

Possible or not, "I'm totally next."

Funnelly Enough

After 10 minutes of heavy rain and hail the size of golf balls, an enormous twister touched down briefly in Orchard, Iowa, around 9PM last Tuesday and then twisted back into the clouds causing extensive damage to trees and crops, but not to humans. Local girl Lori Mehmen had her camera handy at the time. (MCPress)

Genetic Reality a Theological Dilemma

It was announced yesterday in the Swedish newspaper Dagens Nyheter that researchers at the Stockholm Brain Institute have published results of a study using PET scanning that shows the brains of gay men are similar to those of heterosexual women in their amygdala connections, which process certain emotions. And, conversely, homosexual women have brains similar to those of straight men. (MetaFilter; t/y Nick)

When Stamen Met Pistil: Freaks of the Flower World

After working on the decor for the New York Botanical Gardens' Conservatory Ball, which had a theme of unique flowers, I started doing research on the freaks of the flower world. Sure, lots of people can get downright robust about roses or are quite happy with hydrangeas, even the poisonous poinsettia gets its due every Christmas season. But why are so few of us dazzled by the deadly datura? Who sings the praises of the proud nepenthes flower? Shouldn't more of us be beguiled by rex begonias or go bonkers for the bat flower? It’s past time for the outcasts of the flower world to stand up and get their friggin' bloom on!

(Flowers – left to right, from top: the bat flower, nepenthes, rex begonia, datura)

– Text and photos by AguynamedWayne

Photo from the Future

In a Huffington Post story today called Politicians Line Up To Save Anheuser-Busch Shareholders From Profits, InBev, about a Belgian brewery attempting to create the world's largest beer company, a sidebar photograph (above) is said to have been taken on July 24, 2008 – 42 days into the future! And it's a file photo, which means it's probably not even recent. After we unboggled our mind, all we can say is Thank God there'll still be beer 42 days from now. (t/y Beau)

Piggyback Penis

This baby boy who lives in China's Henan province was born with a penis growing out of his back, square between the shoulder blades. It's a condition called fetus in fetu, which sounds like baby talk. The kid's parents, a farmer and his wife, took him to the hospital right away to get it removed, like it was freakish or something. Frankly, we think removing the penis should have been a decision left for the tot to make when he got older. Like circumcision. Or paper vs plastic. And it's not like he didn't have another penis in the regular place. (The Sun; photo: SOLO)

Cows Are a Gas

Sheep and cows are responsible for more than half of New Zealand's greenhouse gases, which are a curse on the environment. But a solution may be on the way that will stem the ovines' and bovines' silent but deadly stank. "Our agricultural research organization just last week was able to map the genome that causes methane in ruminant animals," Zealand's trade minister told the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development in Paris yesterday. And he believes that they will soon be able to vaccinate against the flatulent emissions. Next up: a plan to avoid stepping in those patties. (Telegraph; photo: Reuters)

Aiken and Eggs: How It Happened

A message strictly for all those Claymates and Aiken-for-its out there who have worked themselves way too near the dizzying hysterical edge of their bipolar disorders over the news that – "We told you so!" – Clay Aiken has made a woman pregnant. You may have told us so, but it ain't entirely so. The act of conception likely looked like the artist's rendering above. Only not as romantic.

Beating the Odds

It has come to light that men who ejaculate more than five times a week are a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life. Recent studies show that cancer-causing cells in the prostate don't build up in men who masturbate regularly, particularly in their 20s. That's masturbating, not sexual intercourse; with fucking there's always that possibility of contracting a sexually transmitted infection, which increases the risk of cancer. A researcher puts it simply: "It's a prostatic stagnation hypothesis. The more you flush the ducts out, the less there is to hang around and damage the cells that line them." Now here's a picture – go flush those ducts. (BBC News)

Of Interest

Only one more operation in the lab and Dr Manson will have completed his transformation of Evan Rachel Wood into Dita Von Teese! (via dlisted)

Deity in Diapers

Sushma and Vinod Singh pose with their one-month-old daughter Lali at home in Saini Sunpura, outside New Delhi. "My daughter is fine – like any other child," says 23-year-old papa Vinod, apparently without irony. The child has two faces, you see, with a double set of fully functional features, as documented in this video. What's odder, though is that it's agreed by everyone in the village and beyond that the baby is a miraculous reincarnation of the mighty warrior goddess Durga; Durga, however, rides a lion and has 10 arms, but has only one face. So we don't get the connection. (CTV.ca; photo: AP)

Creepy Crawler

A unique, fist-size fish that crawls instead of swims and has a flattened face with forward-facing eyes like humans has been discovered by Indonesian divers off Ambon Island. It could represent an entirely unknown family of fishes, (Photo via Daily Mail)

Fetch – and Not So Much

Boston Dynamics' Big Dog robot and the less complex Beta version.

Don't Be Cruel

The Daily Mail says that DWTS contestant Priscilla Presley is one of the celebrity victims of a plastic surgery scam perpetrated by an unlicensed doctor claiming to have a new, injectable miracle product that's actually an industrial low-grade silicone similar to the grease used by car mechanics. (Photo: WENN)

Science Fare

Conceptualist Harry White designed this measuring cup with unexpected educational units. And he's created a recipe book using those eccentric measures: “Put flour in to the bowl equal to the amount of plutonium in a bomb and mix with half a human brain's-worth of water.” Yum, sounds like the start of wheat paste. (via BoingBoing)

Batwoman

Nicole Kidman has used Botox injections so much that she now has a "bat face" and is giving the cosmetic medicine industry a bad name, says Dr Martin Braun, a leading expert on Botox. However, Kidman, 40, says she doesn't use Botox, that her look is "completely natural." So it's the bat that's using the Botox, eh, Nic? (Daily Mail)

No-Brainer

Wouldn't you know it. The moment we buy a cool-looking 1980 Mercedes 300TD diesel wagon, a scientific journal would publish a paper showing diesel fumes to be bad for the brain. Of course, the test methods seem somewhat sketchy. Researcher Paul Borm and his team from a Dutch university put 10 volunteers in a room filled with exhaust from a diesel engine for one hour and monitored their brain waves. The level of fumes was similar to that found on a busy road or in a garage. After about 30 minutes, brain wave patterns displayed a stress response in the brain cortex. Well, sure, isn't inhaling exhaust fumes in a closed garage a well-known choice for suicide? We're keeping the Mercedes. (Impact Lab)

Water Way to Go

It was just last week that the local ABC news affiliate here in LA reported on the fine quality of California tap water for drinking. This week we learn our water – and yours, wherever you are – is generously laced with antibiotics, anti-convulsants, mood stabilizers, sex hormones, and other free stuff. And we thought it couldn't get better. (Source)

The Hamburger of Dorian Gray

What ever it is McDonald's is putting in its food – if in fact it is food – it's very likely the secret of eternal youth. Not in a good way, but certainly in a verrrry curious science-fiction way. (t/y Thairin)

Lab Bratz

And speaking of the flesh-eating disease, what better way for your children to learn the dangers of playing with feces or lying in stagnant, larva-infested water than with these cuddly, plush petri dish friends (from left) ebola, black death, mad cow, sleeping sickness, flesh-eating, and typhoid fever. From Giant microbes. Collect 'em all!

Zombie Apocalypse

Jason Bryan writes:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. Get your guns. Stock up on supplies. Head for a rural area and barricade yourself in. The Zombie Apocalypse is upon us. As you may recall from George Romero's 1968 cult classic Night of the Living Dead, the only explanation of the "flesh eating maniacs" is that a government satellite fell to earth. Jump forward to the present day: last night our government shot down a satellite, because something about it was toxic - the hydrazine fuel tank. Now just maybe the explosion blew up the toxic chemicals, but most likely the debris that fell to earth last night is still covered in the toxic chemicals and as you read this, re-animated corpses are tearing into the flesh of their former loved ones. You may also remember from Return of the Living Dead that it was a toxic government chemical (2-4-5 Trioxen gas) that created "the problem". Hydrozine fuel / 2-4-5 Trioxen gas - what's the difference? Not to mention last night was a lunar eclipse. A sure sign of the apocalypse. So hopefully you've already read the Zombie Survival Guide and have your plan in place. It may already be too late.

After the jump, a quick list of things to keep you safe.

Starry, Starry Night

Buzz Foto has some hazy pictures of last night's total lunar eclipse on their site. Scrolling down underneath the moon pics, however, one comes across the rather enigmatic "related post" Nicole Ritchie Leaves Dior. Is the photo agency suggesting that the occurrence of the skinny celebutante leaving a pricey designer boutique on Rodeo Drive is a rare astrological phenomenon, to be marked in our calendars and attributed mythical qualities? We find that hard to believe. Personally, we place much more significance on the rare tri-annular phenomenon Paris Hilton Has Evening At Home; Catches Up On NetFlix, during which we ritualistically smear ourselves with cream cheese, set fire to our back issues of Star magazine, and leap around naked in our back yard.

– Steven Corfe

FYI

Who knew the shaft of the penis has only two layers of dermis, rather than three like the rest of the body? And where exactly does the switch-over point lie?

Surf's Up

We don't know who took these chilling photos of a monster wave that froze in mid-crash after it broke through the ice in Antarctica, but we're awed by them. (t/y Billy)

Is Paris Burning?

Would you want this man representing you? Paris Hilton says yes. (PopMuse; photo: WENN)

There Was a Little Tart Who Had a Little Part Right in the Middle of Her Forehead...

OK, OK, I promise this will be the last Fergie posting I make today, but I have become obsessed with her face after watching the Grammys last night. Look how low her hairline is – it's as if it sprouts out of the middle of her forehead!

– Steven Corfe

Anonymologists on Parade

Yesterday, Anonymous, the anti-Scientology group that sprang from the Internet, was out in force in 50 cities in 14 countries in an obviously well-organized protest against the Church of Tom. This and the following photos are of activists on Sunset and Hollywood Boulevards in Los Angeles.

She Should Nip It in the Bud

We took a magnifying glass to this photo but we still don't see it. According to some reports, the Material Girl's mania to stop the look of aging has prompted her to massage her skin with cremes rich in the male hormone testosterone. And now she's growing unwanted fuzz on her chest, the kind an impatient 14-year-old boy welcomes on his upper lip. But we don't see it. Maybe the hair's lower down, on her nipples.

Bigfoot

Carbon Trust, a British environmental group, claims that footballer posterboy David Beckham is responsible for 163 tons of carbon dioxide daily, compared to the average Brit's 9.4 tons. In fact, Beckham – who owns 15 cars, including a Porsch, a Hummer, and a Lincoln Navigator – may have left the largest carbon footprint in human history. So far. And that's not taking into consideration the massive number of toxins his strap-on wife spews into the air everyday making her stick figure presentable enough to leave the house. (Fox Sports)

The former England captain logged over 250,000 miles last year as he flew back and forth between the U.S. and Europe for England's European Championship qualifiers, while also participating in a Galaxy tour of Oceania in the latter part of the year. Beckham and his wife Victoria also collected over 50,000 frequent flyer miles for advertising obligations around the globe. Collectively, Beckham flew farther in 2007 than a trip from the earth to the moon.

Over the Moon

The Virgin Galactic spacecraft, being unveiled in New York today, is already under construction. Test flights are scheduled to begin in June, with commercial flights starting a year later. If it's anything like Virgin America, already-ticketed astronauts like Victoria Principal, Stephen Hawking, and Princess Beatrice will have to pay an astronomical price for the unearthly steak sandwich. (Source)

While It Lasts

Here's Tom Cruise delivering his nine-minute acceptance speech after receiving the Freedom Medal of Valor at an International Association of Scientologists convention. By some miracle, we found it on Towleroad. It keeps disappearing off the internet; must be the Church doesn't want us to hear the benefits of signing up. A former Scientologist, commenting at Radar, posts a glossary of Cruise's terms. (When the clip fails, try here. Or here.)

We 'Roid?

Mary J Blige has been implicated along with 50 Cent, Timbaland, Wyclef Jean, and Tyler Perry in an investigation led by Albany County District Attorney David Soares into entertainers ordering illegal human growth hormones. Although Blige's spokeswoman insists "Mary J Blige has never taken any performance-enhancing illegal steroids," unnamed sources quoted in the Albany Times Union claim Blige and the others often used fake names to receive prescriptions allegedly signed by Florida doctor Gary Brandwein, the osteopath named last year as the doctor who prescribed steroids to Chris Benoit, the pro wrestler who killed his wife, son, and himself. The doctor is awaiting trial in Albany on drug charges. We're not saying Blige is on steroids, but whatever she's on, she's been sounding sensational recently. And we'll punctuate that statement with the exclamation point recently gone missing from Panic at the Disco. (NY Daily News)

Drug Story

OMG, I was watching SoapNet last night and this commercial came on for the bipolar medication Abilify – HAVE YOU SEEN IT? It's ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING! I haven't been this scared of a product since the old "may cause anal leakage" potato chip commercials of the mid-'90s. The YouTube version I found for you here highlights the scarier aspects of the product. The worst is the bit about not being able to stop repetitive movements. Ever. Talk about the cure being worse than the disease! I'd rather stay bipolar, thank you very much.

– James St James

Man vs Chimp

Don't want to spoil the surprise, but turns out the peanut gallery's a smart place to be heard from. (t/y Eduardo)

Facing the Public

The world's first face-transplant recipient (11/27/05) Isabelle Dinoire is pictured for the first time without makeup (right). "At present, the patient says she is not afraid of walking in the street or meeting people at a party, and she is very satisfied with the aesthetic and functional results," her surgical team wrote in the New England Journal of Medicine. We think Mme Dinoire would fare even better walking in the street and meeting people at a party if, after applying concealer to the lower half of her head, she put a little effort into making her hair and eyebrows presentable. (Daily Mail)

Support Hos

Oprah's been warned. The New York Daily News reports that Madonna has sided with Hillary Clinton against the O-ppressive Oprah Winfrey-Barack Obama team battling for the Democratic presidential nomination. Madonna figures it's a kind of payback for Bill Clinton's foundation supporting her charity work in Malawi. Plus, hey, a woman in the White House. Oh, and meanwhile, has Madge had a facelift?

Who Nose?

Scarlett Johansson is vehemently denying an US Weekly report speculating that she had plastic surgery done on her nose, and plans to sue the magazine. And here are pictures of other actresses (if we can really call Paris Hilton an actress) who would probably be a little less sue-happy than Scarlett, were they in the same position, and with good reason.

– Steven Corfe

Sufferin' Suckerfish!

As if she didn't already live in an algae-filled aquarium. But we know a movie this heiress should see. (Photo: Pacific Coast News)