Valentine's Day Massacre

A gunman killed four people at Northern Illinois University this afternoon, before turning his gun on himself and committing suicide. Seventeen people were injured, with at least three in critical condition. Developing. (CNN)

It's Only a Bitch Part

Here Kitty

Kermit Unplugged

A frog he would a-ruing go. Sad Kermit sings "Hurt." His version is absolutely ribbiting. (t/y Nick)

The Vagina Syndrome

A new comedy show's coming to MTV April 5 called and starring The Human Giant. The Giant's a sketch comedy troupe likened to The State and troupes of that ilk, and is made up of professionals who make a living being funny, so they should be good at it. We just don't know without immersing. But we have here their sketch called "Rob's Vagina," which sounds funny even before viewing, doesn't it? A guy with a vagina! Take a look. (t/y Victoria)

Fugalicious

"After four months, I was FINALLY able to release this parody of 'Fergalicious' that I shot for a TV pilot that is STILL on hold," Greg Scarnici tells us."Thought you'd get a kick out of it." Yes, we did; in fact, we got such a kick out of it that a bruise is beginning to form. So kids, enjoy Scarnici and the Lawson twins as the '80s-inspired dance team, the Oompa Loompettes. That's O to the O to the M....

And a Monkey on Percussion

Swedish girly-girl Robyn's video allows you to sing along karaoke-style to "Konichiwa Bitches." Makes sense. The rhymes, the accent, the costume changes, the smut, the bouncing ball, her bada-boom-booms, it's all too adorable. We like. (t/y Eduardo)

Couture de Force

Here's the first part of fashion designer Jeremy Scott's two-part short film, Starring, starring Asia Argento, China Chow, Mario Diaz, Liz Goldwyn, Lisa Marie, Tori Spelling, Amber Valetta, Monet Mazur, etc. It's like a very well-dressed hybrid of a daytime soap and a telenovela, which is how we like our shorts. Want more? Part 2. (via Queerty t/y Chris)

Clip Service

The Hostel sequel, which they're calling Hostel: Part II, opens June 8. It stars Jay Hernandez, Bijou Phillips, Roger Bart, Heather Matarazzo, and others. You've seen the poster. Now here's a scene.

Star(bucks) Trek

A guy named Winter spent eight years going to every Starbucks in the world, and another guy followed him with a camera. The documentary that resulted, Starbucking, will be out in late April. A guy named Mike got this trailer from the doc's director and posted it on his FreeIndie blog. You might want to get some coffee before you check it out. (t/y Mike)

Beyoncé and Beyondé

We sent this video to RuPaul, and he was smitten: "so brilliant!!!!!! i wish i could just hug and kiss him. better yet, i wish i had an academy for young sissy boys to develop their inherent fey. i'd create a super race of ultra nelly uber boys." [Ed note: Sounds like what Oprah's doing with her Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa.]

Long Shot

If you haven't seen this yet, here's your chance so you won't seem so ridiculously uninformed at the next pot party, dude. This is arguably the best-ever unedited four-minute Steadicam fight sequence ever shot in the history of movies. And we say that based entirely on hearsay. It's from 2005's Tom yum Goong, the Thai film also known as The Protector, starring Tony Jaa. So put that in your pipe and smoke it. (t/y Steven)

Jizz, Not Jazz

William Stosine sends us this: Here’s the latest (not yet released) video by Jonny "Gay Pimp" McGovern and his gang (Team Pimp). The title is "Something for the Fellas." Indeed!

Nip and Tuck. And Tuck

Ok. Ok. Some of you may have heard of the media mysterious mistress of the Internet known as Jeffree Star. Well he's not only one of Hollywood's top makeup artist but also a singer of sorts. Lately I can't get this song out of my head. Now I don't think he has an official music video for the song, but many of his fans have created videos of their own. This song is called Plastic Surgery Slumber Party.

– Kittybomber

"Flathead"

We're new to The Fratellis, but we think this is a lovely video and the girls in it are perfectly wonderful. Those Fratellis aren't bad either. (t/y JAMES)

Tough Cookies

What say we bake up a nice batch of tough cookies? (t/y Chris)

Spice Test

We had no idea that kids these days were eating spices. Here's a kid from the UK who demonstrates the effects of downing shots of various spices straight up. We're partial to his reaction to cinnamon, which absorbs all the spit in his mouth, and to the chile powder that he says is "like when you light a match and then you eat it." And now we're wondering if this was a trend as far back as the Spice Girls.

Cinemajig

Greg Scarnici sent us his Best in Film for 2006 and we send it along to you.

The Shroud of Urine

At the BAFTA Awards in London, Ruby Wax asks former lifeguard Jake Gyllenhaal to tell a flirty Sir Ian McKellen what to do if he ever gets "bitten" by a jellyfish. "You might be interested in this," she says, correctly. A little act-out ensues. (t/y Chris)

iFeud

The real Mac vs PC. (t/y Nick)

Audit Contemporary

The people at TurboTax have hired Vanilla Ice as a spokesrapper to host their amusing TaxRap website, which features regular taxpayers rhyming about deductions and withholding in the hope of winning the "tax rap" contest that pays a $25,000 top prize on April 15. Of course, the Iceman was asked to perform his own rap as well, which he calls "Tax Rap Mojo." Could K-Fed have done it any better?

Seedy Pimp

With all that's going on in this video, it's still really difficult not to focus on that eyebrow. "Seedy Pimp" starring Gary Le Strange is perfectly fabulous. (t/y dirty girty)

Snack Bauer vs Aqua Teen

The real story behind those suspicious devices that terrorized Boston, as explained by the National Lampoon staff. (via 24 Headquarters)

Scissors in Soaptown

About a month ago, we posted a report about our Hollywood blogger neighbor MK's visit to the set of the soap Passions on the day the Scissor Sisters made a guest appearance. Now James St James tells us the episodes just aired. "Juliet mills is a witch named Tabitha," James tells us by way of setting the scene. "Her daughter is a baby witch named Endorra, who talks in cartoon thought bubbles and who conjures up the Scissor Sisters. Is this the future of advertising?" Well, soaps are notorious for getting pop groups to promote their product at the local Soaptown nightclub, but the Scissor Sisters' spot wouldn't have seemed so advertainment if their current CD had been shown less frequently. (Part 2 here)

A Feast of Celebrities

"Mr Spacey very tasty!" Celebrity contestants let their hair down for a reality show set at an island spa. (t/y Frank)

Dancing With the Athletes

Peyton Manning beat Emmitt Smith to the tango by a couple of decades.

In a Farmer Life

Ten years ago, before he was famous, aspiring actor and adorable hottie Evan Farmer – former member of 2gether on MTV and today the host of While You Were Out on TLC – was working at a gay bar in NYC called Brandys. Evan was bartending when my friends took me there while I was visiting NY and happened to be shooting a lot of video of the trip. He's married now, but my friends back then told me he had a boyfriend. Whatever. He was adorable then and is adorable now.

– John Smith

Feud for Thought

Controversy's always better when it's explained by someone who says, "Do I have to draw a picture?" Meet Rosie, Donald, and Barbara as they really are – two-dimensional. (See also and also)

Vader, Please!

Set the controls for rap speed. It's "Star Wars Gangster Rap 2." Jabba the Hut makes all kinds of sense now.

Donkey Conga

Captain Eeyore is the shot-for-shot parody of the 1986 George Lucas-produced, Francis Coppola-directed, Michael Jackson-starring Captain EO that played in 3D at the Disney theme parks. This takeoff, created by fully sanctioned Disney workers, stars Eeyore as Jackson with a cast of various costumed Disney characters chewing up the scenery. It's like a big plushy party, with moonwalking. Unfortunately, this is just a snippet. via Angry Tiki. (t/y Nick)

Shortbus Omnibus

Come March 13, the DVD of John Cameron Mitchell's Shortbus will drop. Meanwhile, here's a very likable, sexy music video that compiles what are probably the best moments of the film. (t/y Alan)

Snake vs Snake

You loved it in the first Jackass movie, now you can watch it over and over until you know it well enough to try at home. (t/y Steven)

A Year in the Life

A nine-minute video of every photo taken in Italy by Nick Barberio over a one-year period. He suggests you look at it in a small version (like we have here). The music is produced by him and Garageband. (t/y Nick R)

He's Madonna

Robbie Williams' new video, "She's Madonna," which we found on Perez, is bursting with drag queens, including Williams herself. A couple of viewings and you'll spot Constance, Sham, Jackie Beat, Mother, Alexis Arquette, and a slew of others. The song, produced by the Pet Shop Boys, is a bit lovely and it might finally get Williams known in the US. Oh, who are we kidding.

Gollum Never Gonna Give You Up

We smell an obvious attempt at viral contamination here, but what the hell, it's good to see Gollum again, even if it means Sméagol is included. (t/y Steven)

Knight in Shy Armor

Isaiah Washington is just plain bad news. TR Knight explains the "faggot" incident to Ellen, who calls him "McYummy."

The Singer Not the Song

It's really up to you whether this is hilarious, tragic, or deeply disturbing. What does she keep looking at off-camera? A mirror? Lyrics? Imaginary friend? (t/y Randy via Thairin)

Sometimes in Fashion You Play Against the Designer

I CANNOT STOP WATCHING THIS! It was sent to me by director, photographer, author, and general renaissance man Robert Trachtenberg. Watch...and gag!

– Randy Barbato

James and Michael's Lesbian Reunion

As we mentioned last week, the porn "version" of Party Monster, written and directed by and starring Joanna Angel, is in stores this week. This trailer, forwarded to us by our friend Lenora Claire (who it turns out used to date the codirector), shows the similarity between the WOW film and this wow! film to be tenuous at best, although we think we spotted the Keoki character. NSFW unless you work in a strip club.

The St. James Version

There has always been a sneaky subtext to SMALLVILLE—the whiff of a hint that Clark Kent is secretly a big nelly homo. The whole premise is OBVIOUSLY a metaphor for closeted teens (he can’t show his true self to anyone, he’s an outsider, not like the other kids, he has to hide his secret BLAH BLAH BLAH). In almost every episode of seasons 1 and 2, there was a shot of Clark, inexplicably, on all fours (or bent over a sofa, spread-eagle on the ground, etc) with Lex Luthor standing behind him (bald head looking VERY phallic). And, quite frankly, their recent fallout TOTALLY smacks of a nasty breakup, with Lex being the scorned lover. I’m just sayin’.

And then there are the LEGIONS of young boys over the past few years, that Clark befriends, and “comes out” to. IT’S ALL JUST SO GAY!. If you don’t believe me (and nobody ever does,) check out this clip from the 2004 episode “Run,” that was re-aired last night. In it, Clark hooks up (COUGH, COUGH) with the young superhero Flash. And what happens here isn’t even played as subtext. Watch it, and then YOU tell ME they aren’t going for brokeback. Even the song in the background is gay! (And people wonder why I am so obsessed with this show!)

– James St. James

Cultural Winning

Take seven minutes out of your full life to watch Madonna present Sacha Baron Cohen, as himself, with the Writer's Guild Ronnie Barker Award for Borat at the British Comedy Awards in London. Hear Madonna say, "We did not make sexy time." Apparently, she uses her English accent only in the States.

Good Grief, JD!

A Charlie Brown Christmas performed by the cast of Scrubs. (t/y Nick)

Plump Up the Volume

Lynn Somnia vs Sister Resistor in the Pillow Fight League. These girls are no featherweights. (See Sitings for more pillow-pounding girls)

The Quest for Length

Follow Roger Fan around as he tries to determine whether he should increase the size of his supposedly average penis and, if so, by what means – acupuncture, witchcraft, or surgery? Tiny bit graphic toward the end. (t/y Nick)

It Hepburns When He Pees

John Hill, the other half of the musical comedy duo Johnny and Kooks, reimagines the Audrey Hepburn skinny black pants Gap commercial, exactly. Oh, and Hill is a WOW staffer.

Trapped in the Clauset

A comic holiday takeoff of R Kelly's multi-episodic mind-numbing hip-hopera, "Trapped in the Closet" that had some dedicated fans and some not so much. This appeals to both, 'cause no one doesn't like claymation. Go to The Stranger for parts 2 and 3. (t/y Beau)

For Whom the Bell Rings

Friday's guests on Ring My Bell are the Kings of MySpace, makers of the dopest, illest, freshest, myspaceiest rap video ever. Call 323 603-6312 between 11AM and 12PM Pacific, and watch the Kings live on the webcam at ringmybell.tv.

Stairway to Heaven

Watch video of dashing Alain Robert, the "French Spider-man," climbing barehanded to the top of the 59-story Montparnasse Tower in Paris two years ago. Vertiginous. (via Break.com)

Once Upon a Time

Angelina Jolie, 12, goes to the Oscars with her dad, Jon Voight, in April, 1988. (t/y Alan)

The Moving Man

On this episode of Balls of Steel, a British TV show we've never heard of, the host introduces Meg, a bloke in a cowboy hat who dreams up urban Olympic sports, and on this occasion the sport is Make 'Em Move, in which his goal is to make people move away from him, without touching them, as quickly as he can. You'll think you've seen him before at the dog park.

Blood Podcast

James, Randy, and Steven ooh and ahh over the cover of James's new book, Freakshow, but they're prevented from showing it due to James's confidentiality agreement with the publisher. That's hot. And something on the cover that especially pleases them had to be custom-made in China. Hotter still. So thumbs up all round for artistic vision. Dreamgirls. Seems everyone in LA has already seen it at one screening or another, except Steven. James is going to the party in "Thunder" Early drag. Beyoncé. Jennifer Hudson's take on Dreamgirls on Wendy Williams's radio show. Janice Dickinson's 12 days of Christmas. Eighties drag queen Marilyn. James will be casting a wider net for friends on his MySpace, hoping to get it up...to 10,000 by January. Won't you help? The loud buzz on Pete Burns Unspun in the UK. Pete Burns's take on his show. The transgender on All My Children. Reichen vs Lance. Steven gets a sudden sun bath. Brad's distracting wrinkles in Babel. Leonardo's distracting accent in Blood Diamond. Jack Black. Marie Antoinette. Celebrities flashing pussy. Randy wonders, Are we living in the age of the pussy? And does it relate to The Da Vinci Code? L'Uomo Vogue shows models dressed like Michael Alig in his clubkid heyday. James Frey's art collection. D-lister Jenny McCarthy on The View, an A-lister only in her mind. Hey, where was Fenton this whole time?

(Watch the video)
(Listen to the audio)

Report from the Ovule Office

Remember Clara the Chicken? For those of you who don't, click here or cluck there. Meanwhile, I'm sorry to report that Clara's career has taken a turn for the worse: Disguising herself as Fred, she's guest-starring in Clown Porn (watch the trailer). Judging by the cover art, it looks like she's getting a good plucking. When I tracked her down, she clucked in protest before reluctantly making a clean breast of it. She maintains that she is pioneering a new genre of adult entertainment: Pornomedy. Eggsactly!

– Fenton Bailey

V for Video

Tony vs Paul is an awesome experience with constant, nearly flawless stop-action effects, but the plot was confusing to us. Why did Tony strike Paul? (t/y Nick)

Tilt and Freak

On SNL, Maya Rudolph, as hostile low-rent diva Beginnings Chang, introduced her new single "Tiny Moves," which in turn introduced the tilt-and-freak dance movement, which might not be as naturally hilarious as the Chicken Noodle Soup (with a soda on the side) that swept the nation for a moment, but it's so non-exerting that at least it won't tire itself out prematurely.

For Whom the Bell Rings

This morning's Ring My Bell guest comes fresh from her world tour – Barbra Streisand! She'll be sharing some new material she's working on, thoughts on how her big tour went, and why her reputation as a diva is undeserved. We'd write more, but we have to run out to buy 24 fresh-cut white roses.

Shoot to Kill

Lindsay Lohan poses for Antonio Rossi and supposes to Jason Gay. Wearing very little. To the tune of Kasabian.

Love Shirts

Let's revisit that awkward scene from last night's episode of The OC, shall we?

Unspun Hero

As the WOW reality show, Pete Burns Unspun, is just about to unspool on Living tv (9PM!) in the UK, we show one last outtake from it: Pete wondering if he ever wore this article of clothing that looks too much like an oversize merkin. Pretty sure he did. (Watch)

Unspun Hero

Leading up to the Pete Burns Unspun premiere tomorrow on Living tv in the UK, another clip, in which the reality of Elton Joh