Austintatious

Remember Austin Scarlett? The amazing designer (and personality) from Project Runway (way back when) is having a fashion show! Three years ago, he answered the WOW Report's 5ive Questions.

5ive Questions for Billy Luther

Billy Luther is the director of Miss Navajo, a documentary screening at the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah. Click here for dates and times.

1. If you could be a Miss Anything, what pageant would you choose?
America's Next Top Model, of course. As Tyra always reminds us, "Modeling is not pageantry." So true. But I would never win. So if I could be a Miss Anything I would have to choose to be Miss Miranda Priestly.

2. Your mother was a Miss Navajo. Tell the truth: As a kid did you twirl in front of the mirror wearing her sash?
No. But I did spend a lot of time looking in the mirror, and still do, as a matter of fact. Also, I have an addiction to face products fit for a beauty queen. I love slathering stuff all over my face.

3. Do you dedicate Miss Navajo to anyone?
It's dedicated to the Navajo woman, which is what the film is all about. Navajo women wear the trousers in Navajo society. They work the land, they raise the kids, and they preserve the culture and traditions. And they butcher the sheep! So you can see they are so much more than just a pretty face. My film isn't just about them, it's for them.

4. Is Native American the preferred term for a Native American?
Ask Sacheen Littlefeather (pictured).

5. What do you drive and what's in the CD changer right now?
I drive a big truck. But I walk to and from the office because if I drive I run the risk of losing my parking space and that freaks me out. I know it sounds sappy, but in my CD player right now I have the music David Steinberg did for my film. It's so amazing.

5ive Questions for Noah Thomson

Noah Thomson is the director of Children of God: Lost & Found, a documentary that will be in competition at the Slamdance Film Festival in Park Slope, Utah. Screenings are at the Treasure Mountain Inn: Sunday at 6PM in the Main Theater and Tuesday at 4:30PM in the Gallery Theater.

1. What's the one thing you miss about being in the Children of God commune?
Free love.

2. If you started your own cult, what would you call it?
Cool Aide.

3. Your day job is providing craft services on the set of The Sopranos. Is it pretty much pasta everyday?
If you know what's good for you.

4. Beatles or Stones?
Beatles.

5. What do you drive and what's currently in the CD player?
I drive a pickup with a six-CD changer. I'm listening to the Flaming Lips and the sound of animals fighting.

5ive Questions with Jeremy Simmons

Jeremy Simmons is the very busy supervising producer and director of WOW's Sundance series One Punk, Under God (Wednesdays at 9PM). It would be easier to get us to tithe than it was to get him motionless enough to answer these few questions.

1. Now that you're a director, what is it you really want to be?
I want to be a photographer for National Geographic. Or a pirate.

2. What's the title of the Sundance documentary series on Jeremy Simmons?
All I know is that it has to be punchy, sexy, and short enough to fit in the TV grid.

3. Who plays you in the feature film based on the documentary series?
Matthew Broderick. That's my boyfriends answer – because he thinks I am moderately humorous with a boyish charm.

4. If you had your own church, how would you attract a congregation?
I would just be sure to call it something punchy, sexy, and short enough to fit in the TV grid.

5. What do you drive and what's in the CD player?
I drive a Jeep, and this morning I treated myself to "How Soon Is Now?" as performed by t.A.T.u., off their groundbreaking 2002 debut album 200 KMH In the Wrong Lane – an album that is still in Finland's top 100, and has been certified 5X platinum in Japan (for those who are interested).

5ive Questions

BRUCE DANIELS
(brucedaniels.com)

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
I'm a single guy in my 30's. I like to be active (I have two gym memberships and don't go to either one), I'm very spiritual (I went to Agape for a month), I'm an avid reader (People and Vanity Fair), I'm a strict vegetarian (when I'm not eating fish, chicken, or beef), I'm very social (I hang out in bars) but also an introvert (I hang out in bars by myself). I'm looking for the "One" ('til the next one comes along), someone who really gets me (worships me). All cerebral types (who work out) apply.

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me. I think I would go to Costa Rica. I was there for a few hours and what I saw was gorgeous and I wanted to stay longer. I would bring my friend Jay with me because he is highly adaptable like myself and I hate having to take care of people.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
I think that depends on the budget. I think I would play myself in present day, but for the younger years, it could only be Haley Joel Osment.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
I have different people for different departments of advice. For love and relationships, I usually stay away from my gay friends because they usually put their relationship stuff on me. I would go to my friend Carrie because she is the most levelheaded person I know.

5. What makes you cry?
The last thing that made me cry was the movie The Family Stone. The scene where everyone is sitting around the dinner table and SJP's character questions the wanting of a gay child. She continues by saying that with all of the challenges in this world, wouldn't you want your child to be normal? Diane Keaton's character flips out, and then tells her gay deaf son that he is more normal than any of the fuckers sitting at this table. It just killed me.

Bonus: Toilet roll - over or under?
Over, because that's the way Jennifer Aniston does it and hasn't she been through enough?

(t/y Ray Cochran)

5ive Questions: Sparks

Before we begin, it must be said that this editor is the most fanatical fan of Sparks, the smartest, most thrilling, and funniest pop duo ever, from Kimono My House through Lil' Beethoven. In fact, we joined the official fan club back in the '70s and the brothers were the subject of the first-ever interview we conducted, backstage somewhere in New York City. We're waiting for their next album, Hello Young Lovers, to drop, like a designer shoe, on March 21.

Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
Debonair guys with big song catalogue seek sympathetic ears for lasting relationship.

If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
Tokyo...a blond chick.

Who plays you in the movie?
Steve Martin as Ron Mael. Jake Gyllenhael as Russell.

Who do you go to for advice?
My local supermarket, Ralphs.

What makes you cry?
Umbrellas of Cherbourg.

BONUS: Toilet paper - under or over?
I have a bidet.

Kellan Lutz

Played a roommate in Room and Bored, the show-within-the-show on HBO's The Comeback.

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
KEYWORD: Random! I love life way too much and find fun in almost anything. I’m a chameleon. I guess what I’m trying to say is I adapt well to any situation. I’m tall, dark, and extremely handsome.... Haha quite opposite. I’m a farm boy who just wants to have a good laugh in life, with no regrets.

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
I love the Dominican Republic. It’s the most beautiful paradise in the world. I get lost in its beauty! The waterfalls, the greenery, the sky, the water, the people…everything. I’d bring my bother Brandon. He needs a nice vacation, and has yet to go to Europe.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Probably me if I could! But if not, maybe one of those twins (Zach & Cody) from that TV show. Those kids are great actors and seem to enjoy life like I do!

4. Who do you go to for advice?
I’m big on family, and the trust brought forward by blood. I go to different people to look for different advice. Mainly my mother for important issues. My brother Brandon for present life issues, and my father for business and future issues. I love my family!

5. What makes you cry?
When bad things happen to good people. I broke down in Cinderella Man when Russell went to the chairmen asking for money. Poverty sucks. I hate it cause I once was there…brings back memories. Also, when young kids die of disease or freak accidents and never get to live out their lives! I love animals. When my pet Doberman passed away, I felt like I lost my best friend.

Mark Lisanti

Editor, Defamer.com


1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
SWM, 31, enjoys blogging for 12 hours at a stretch, drinking too much coffee, and long strolls along Hollywood Boulevard to run scams on foreign tourists who are all too eager to believe that I'm selling them a map to Tom Cruise's pot of gold. Act fast, ladies, this one's a catch!

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
To a maximum security women's prison cell with Jennifer Connelly. Jessica Alba gets my ticket, as long as she sends me a postcard detailing their first night together in lockup.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Marlon Brando, circa 2003. I hate to spoil the ending, but it doesn't end well for the Defamer guy.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
There's this surprisingly sage transient man that hangs out in front of my liquor store who's a great listener, but keeps trying to convince me that he used to run Disney. Nah, couldn't be...

5. What makes you cry?
Thinking that 2003 Marlon Brando might not be tragic enough to play me by the time they make the movie.

Bonus: Toilet roll - over or under?
Somehow, I overcame an oppressive "under" upbringing and now enjoy a far more evolved "over" existence.

Lisa Edelstein

Dr Lisa Cuddy on the Fox drama House.

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
Hot and bothered yogini with very flexible hips looking for brilliant and hilarious guru/master of the universe. Must like dogs.

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
A tropical jungle with a huge waterfall. Mosquitos and cockroaches are not invited, but the following men are: super cool journalist Kevin Sites or his cute producer; Brad Pitt when he was in Fight Club; my ex-boyfriend, the Italian whom I'd still take back (cue: aww); or that guy I haven't met yet who's T, D & H, smart as a whip, and funny as hell. Where the fuck is he, anyway?

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Omar Epps. It's so obvious. Or okay, Melina Kanakaredes may WANT to but it's not going to happen. Were she still alive, and were the time/space continuum a bit flexible, I'd beg – absolutely beg – Anne Bancroft. "Please be me", I'd say, "so I can pretend I am you!"

4. Who do you go to for advice?
Who DON'T I go to for advice?

5. What makes you cry?
The search for America's Next Top Model.

Bonus: Toilet roll – over or under?
I tell you, it's an issue. (A tissue issue?) I always thought under made much more sense but was recently told over is functionally better. Well, I made the switch but I still don't see the difference. I've had just as many dispensing overages this way as I had the former. I am not convinced!

TJ Jourian

TJ is one of the stars of the WOW documentary series TransGeneration, which airs on the Sundance Channel on Tuesdays at 9PM.

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
Fun-loving critter, enjoys good food and political banter, seeks one with car, money, and cooking skills willing to share.

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
A sandy-white beach in Honolulu at a hotel with internet access (!) and I'd take Diana Taurasi with me.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Tobey Maguire.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
Staci, Jordan, Arielle, and Erin.

5. What makes you cry?
Thinking about my ex-fiancee or my family.

Raci Ignacio

One of the stars of the WOW documentary series, TransGeneration, premiering tonight on the Sundance Channel

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
Hi! I'm Raci Ignacio. 20/ts/Los Angeles. Im 5' 6" tall, 130 lbs. brown-skinned, brown-eyed, black-haired, Filipina-American girl. I go to school, majoring in History on pre-law option. I love watching movies, the outdoors, shopping, and eating at expensive restaurants. I'm funny and talkative but I can be smart when it comes to serious conversation. I'm loving and caring but NOT understanding... well, sometimes... but not most of the time. =)

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
I would go to New Zealand and I would take my one and only love, Mr. Nathan Thomas Sewell. Could I possibly get another ticket? I'd bring my cousin Kate cuz she's like my closest relative.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Halle Berry!

4. Who do you go to for advice?
I talk to my ts friend Nicole. She understands me better than anyone because not only does she know how it's like being a transsexual but also she is of the same age and we enjoy the same things.

5. What makes you cry?
Whenever I feel unspecial. It doesn't matter who makes me feel like it, as long as I don't feel special, my eyes just start getting watery. Yeah, I'm lame like that, but oh wells. LOL

Gabbie

One of the stars of TransGeneration, WOW's eight-part series on a year in the life of four transgendering college students. Begins September 20 on the Sundance channel.

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
I am queer, kinky, trangender, eccentric, hyper-energetic, engi-nerd, pagan girl who simply loves to have fun and enjoy life. I'm omni/poly/bi/pan/etc sexual so all genders and sexes feel free to apply.

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
Hmmm tough choices. I mean I could be traditional and go to some Caribbean island with some hot celebrity (cough Angelina Jolie cough). Or I could deviate and go someplace really fun like the moon (It said two tickets... didn't say what kind of tickets.. I mean could be with NASA right?). But then who would I take there... hmmmm. I think I will stick with my own paradise and just keep living my life as it is!

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Ummm... Does the series count? Cause if so, then... well... ME! But if it is the actual movie with all the big people playing it. Then definitely Ellen DeGeneres. She is the only famous person I know with the energy level as high as or near as mine.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
My spirit guide, all of my friends and family, and anyone else who is willing to listen to me whine when the time comes.

5. What makes you cry?
Anything and everything. But then again, I do feel life powerfully, and cry at all occasions, happy, sad, or even funny.

James Ransone

Actor in Ken Park, A Dirty Shame, and Spike Lee's upcoming Inside Man. Ransone talks about John Waters's Pink Flamingos for WOW's Movies That Shook the World

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
Skinny white tattooed male seeks girl with aceribic wit, must have fine taste in footwear and stationery. Will dance with you reluctantly. Actresses need not apply.

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
Man, I've been waiting so long. Eddie Money, and we'd go wherever the fuck he wanted. I'm too big of a pussy to say the name of the girl who I want to go to Costa Rica with.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
I'm not sure if that actor has been born yet, so the answer is in hypotheticals, probably Steve Buscemi and Ashton Kutcher's love child.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
My dad. Then when I realize I don't want advice I could give myself, I usually go to Bobby Lurie (musician, producer) or John Waters. They have lives, so when they're not available I talk to my best friend, Jason Dill.

5. What makes you cry?
Everything except the stuff that matters, uh, that shit makes me stronger.

Bonus: Toilet paper roll - over or under?
Here come the tears.

Dylan Vox

Vox is the host of Spunk'd, a DVD of raunchy clips of boys doing a myriad of hot and hilarious things. He also goes by the name of Brad Benton, if anyone asks.

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
I like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain. I'm not into yoga and I have half a brain. I like making love at midnight, in the dunes of a Cape. I'm the love you've been waiting for so come with me and escape. That's hot!

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
Some people want to escape, but paradise for me is the premieer of my first blockbuster hit with Kate Beckinsale as my costar – rrrrroooaaawwwwww.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
The cast of Saved by the Bell. Zach would be my hot stupid side (and he could finish complete sentences). Kelly would be my flirty tragic side (and she was a cheerleader). Slater would be my buff smooth side (and he could dance). Lisa would be my superficial I love to shop side (and she added some color to the whitebread cast). Screech would be my insane loser side (and he was an insane loser). And Jessie, well, just watch Showgirls.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
Oprah, duh!!!!

5. What makes you cry?
Seeing rich people get their own way (leave reality shows to the poor PLEASE!!! We deserve something).

Bonus: Toilet paper roll – over or under?
Ann Landers says under, so I'm gonna have to follow that advice.

Emo Philips

To learn more or less about comic Emo Philips, visit his website.

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad. 
Tall man with bad back seeks woman to place on pedestal.
 
2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take? 
The Scottish Highlands. And I'd take a fat naked person to draw the midges off me.
 
3. Who plays you in the movie? 
Adrian Brody...although I doubt he'd be keen to drop all that weight again.
 
4. Who do you go to for advice? 
No one who's done what I hope to do will speak to me.

5. What makes you cry? 
Heart-warming epiphanies, when one party finally learns of the self-sacrifice of another, in dramatic works of a narrative nature. It's common in novels and movies, less so in short stories and TV shows. My goal is to achieve it in a fortune cookie. How about, "You will never understand true love until you destroy your health secretly moonlighting at a bakery to put your son through medical school."

Bonus: Toilet paper roll - over or under? 
No idea...there's a metal cover over it at the bus station.

Paul Le Mat

Star of American Graffiti, Melvin and Howard, and Strange Invaders. One of many stars interviewed for the WOW series Movies That Shook the World, beginning in July on AMC.

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
I'm a pretty nice guy, I care about other people. I'm Christian, I believe in Jesus as the Lord and Savior. I contribute what little money I have to causes to help people. I don't flip people off on the freeway. Not that I haven't in the past, but I don't do it anymore. I think that I'm just a regular person. I don't see any big deal.

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
I would go to Hawaii and I would take my dental hygienist Janice.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Mel Gibson. 

4. Who do you go to for advice?
I go to God for advice, the spirit. I believe the spirit's in me and of course in the world and I ask a lot of questions for guidance.

5. What makes you cry?
Sometimes I cry about mistakes I've made in the past and bad decisions I've made. I wouldn't say there are a lot of them. Films occasionally, something touching in a movie can make me cry. I think that's one of the beautiful things about movies and television, that they can affect someone to that degree.

Brady Corbet

Costar of Gregg Araki's Mysterious Skin,
opening today at Laemmle's Sunset 5

1.  Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
True blue looking for deep purple.

2.  If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
A bedroom in Paris, afternoon, windows open, and white linen stretched over the mattress.  I would take someone lovely, but it would all depend on when the tickets came and who I was with when they arrived.

3.  Who plays you in the movie?
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, so sexy, so confident, so cool...  If only...

4.  Who do you go to for advice?
My mother, certainly.

5.  What makes you cry?
When I pay for an album that costs over $15, only to realize that there was something better (and cheaper) on my way out of the store.  

Bonus: Toilet paper roll – over or under?
Over, definitely.

(See also Gregg Araki and Joseph Gordon-Levitt)

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Costar of Gregg Araki's Mysterious Skin,
opening Friday at Laemmle's Sunset 5

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personal ad.
Gorgeous humble wealthy celebrity seeks woman with two breasts.

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
Brigitte Bardot to the Sunset 5.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Slava Polunin.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
Brady Corbet.

5. What makes you cry?
"Baby Mine."

Brandon & Ryan

Those two guys you love to hate on Showdog Moms & Dads. Final episode airs tonight at 10 on Bravo.

1. Describe yourself as it you were writing a personals ad.
Ryan: Your Ad Here.
Brandon: Energetic. I talk all the time. Very ambitious, outgoing, dark and Italian.

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
Ryan: I would go to the Caribbean and I would take Liberace. I would bring Brando as long as Liberace could be my carry-on.
Brandon: I would go to the Atlantis Resort and take Daisy. But after I thought about it, I knew Ryan would be sad so I guess I'll bring him.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Ryan: [No answer]
Brandon: I dunno. Myself. I am me and can be a number of different characters. But if anyone, I would choose RuPaul.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
Ryan: My sister.
Brandon: [Showdog field producer] Angela Rae Berg or my mom.

5. What makes you cry?
Ryan: Latter Days, the unrated version. Best gay movie ever.
Brandon: Everything makes me cry. Even when Daisy's Swarovski crystals don't stick to her toenails. It gets so frustrating!

Bonus: Toilet paper roll – over or under?
Ryan: So over.
Brandon: Under! Because I am always on top in my world.

Gregg Araki

Director of Mysterious Skin, opening May 6 in New York and May 27 in LA.



1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
Workaholic filmmaker w/ 10,000 CDs living a really simple happy life. Must love dogs.

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
Bed. With my boyfriend.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
I won't say Jimmy Duval because that's what everyone always thinks. Meryl Streep, because she can do anything.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
My dog Toby.

5. What makes you cry?
When you pay thirty dollars for an import CD, then they release it domestically the next week. And the book Mysterious Skin, both times I read it.

Bonus: Toilet paper roll – over or under?
Over, definitely.

Robin Leach

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad?
Fun, somewhat vicious sense of humor. Knows the difference between bad wine and good wine. Definitely knows the difference between champagne and sparkling wine. Sometimes thought of as a pain in the neck. Hardworking, probably a workaholic. Loves challenges, loves start-ups. And cannot tolerate inefficiency. I’m a Virgo.

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
If you travel non-stop, paradise really is your own backyard. But if I had two tickets to go anywhere in the world, who would I take? Well, I would probably take a tall young Scandinavian blonde, since that’s my weakness in life, and I would probably go to either a vineyard in Tuscany or an island in Fiji or Tahiti.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Boy. Well, it’d sort of have to be an English actor, by virtue of the accent. But Dana Carvey did a brilliant job slicing me up on Saturday Night Live. He and I are good friends. So I would have to say Dana Carvey would be my choice.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
I have no one mentor that I would go to. One of my great childhood heroes was Sir Winston Churchill. I probably read every book about him. He was an extraordinary leader at a time when it was impossible to lead. So a lot of things he said way back when can be rather pertinent today. But I generally go to experts in fields where I need advice. If I wanted to know about wine, I'd go to a master sommelier or the owner of a wine company or a vineyard. If I wanted to know about food, I would go to the best chef in the world.

5. What makes you cry?
Whoa! What makes me cry? When trust is misplaced. I always get sad when you give somebody complete trust and, for whatever reasons of greed or avarice or jealousy or whatever, that trust is destroyed. That’s a very hurtful thing, when you think you trust somebody and you’re wrong.

Laura and Jennifer Berman

Acclaimed sisters, Jennifer Berman, MD (left), and Laura Berman, Ph D, are hosting and executive producing the WOW documentary special, Secrets of the Sexually Satisfied Woman, ripped from the pages of their book of the same name. An exploration of female sexuality, SSSW (airing this Sunday) will introduce four women seeking the advice of the sisters, who literally make house calls in order to help them discover ways to create open, vibrant, sexy relationships with their partners – and themselves.

1. Other than people and pets, what would you save first if your house caught fire?
Jennifer: Important files/documents.
Laura: My photo albums (and my BlackBerry!)

2. What can't you live without?
Jennifer: My horse and vibrator.
Laura: My family.

3. Who do you go to for advice?
Jennifer: Old friends.
Laura: My husband and my friends.

4. Who plays you in the movie?
Jennifer: Jennifer Aniston.
Laura: No idea! I'll play myself!

5. What's your favorite room in the house to make love?
Jennifer: By the pool.
Laura: What's making love?

Secrets of the Sexually Satisfied Woman airs on Lifetime this Sunday, April 17, at 11PM; Tuesday, April 19, at 12AM; and Friday, April 22, at 1AM.

Ross the Intern

aka Ross Mathews, Tonight Show correspondent

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
Desperate seeking desperate. Any takers?

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
I'd take my dog Louise and we'd go to the Olive Garden.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Oh my God, I have no idea. NOT Nathan Lane, because that's just too obvious. I like to think a young Haley Joel Osment or an older Elizabeth Taylor.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
My friends, my family, and Gwyneth Paltrow.

5. What makes you cry?
Plucking.

Bonus: Toilet roll - over or under?
OVER. My God, it bugs me when it's under. I seriously change it at strangers' homes.

Bonus bonus: Are you still an intern?
I am not still an intern. I was never a very good intern to begin with. It takes more than a letter of recommendation or college credit to get me to get someone coffee or run an errand. Money talks, people!

Allan Tannenbaum

Award-winning photojournalist, author of New York and New York in the 70s

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
60-ish 60s and 70s survivor who's the hero of his own novel seeks heroine for a happy ending.

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
Bora Bora with my wife, Debora (my heroine).

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Johnny Depp.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
Debora Tannenbaum, who is extremely perceptive.

5. What makes you cry?
Beautiful films like Dear Frankie.

Bonus '70s question: Beatles or Stones?
Stones, far and away.

Bruce Wagner

Author, The Chrysanthemum Palace: A Novel

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
Seventysomething white male, looking for same for platonic strolls on beach. If you own a tattered, dog-eared copy of Susan Sontag's The Volcano Lover, we are destined!

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
Forgive me, but I would go to a makeshift, open-air morgue with Eddie Money!

3. Who plays you in the movie?
I am played by the timeless, always sensuous Dani Greco Needham Janssen!

4. Who do you go to for advice?
I read between the lines of magazine articles: In Touch, and AARP (the over-55 set) are two current faves.

5. What makes you cry?
I wept when Camryn Manheim said "cunt" on a recent episode of The L Word.

Lorna Luft

1. Describe yourself as it you were writing a personals ad.
Very funny, charming, friendly, sarcastic, outgoing BITCH.

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
I would go to St. Barts and take my husband Colin.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Sharon Osbourne.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
My husband.

5. What makes you cry?
When my credit cards don't work, not having a job, the news, onions.

Victor Gutierrez

Author, Michael Jackson Was My Lover

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
Small, fat, ugly Latino, lots of lawsuits, not good in bed, reporter, needs a good female attorney or publisher.

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
I will go to Neverland, not the ranch, take Jacko and leave him there. Or Thailand. Whatever makes him more satisfied.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
It has to be Danny de Vito. Bratt Pitt is little bit lighter than I am.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
If I get a lawsuit, an attorney. The Dalai Lama doesn´t respond to my emails. And I don´t understand what the pope tells me.

5. What makes you cry?
Dust in my eyes.

Austin Scarlett

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
Young Ashley Wilkes seeks older Rhett Butler for intimate library tete-a-tete and possible splendor under the magnolias.

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
Venice, with whomever responded to my personals ad.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
The little boy from Showbiz Moms & Dads.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
As many people as possible, and then I usually go with my original gut instinct.

5. What makes you cry?
Dorothy's farewell in The Wizard of Oz, Mimi's death in La Bohéme, and four beers and a Burt Bacharach-Dionne Warwick song.

John Waters

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
Like the movie "Boom"? Me too. Send nude photos. 

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
Back to Baltimore with my oldest friend Pat Moran.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Steve Buscemi.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
Close friends, lawyers, and – in the past – a shrink.

5. What makes you cry? 
Douglas Sirk's death.

Tammy Faye Messner

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
I'm 4 feet 11 inches tall – due to short growing season where I grew up. That would be International Falls, Minnesota. I have blonde hair & blue eyes. I'm full of energy and I love life and I love God. I sing and I play the organ and piano. I love animals. I have a dog named Tuppins and one named Muffin. I have 2 fish and 3 little frogs. I have two children, Tammy Sue Bakker and Jay Bakker. I have 2 grandchildren, James and Jonathan. I have been doing television most of my life. I love bright colors, my favorite is pink! Then comes red and black! I like fun, trendy clothes, purses & shoes to match everything! I LOVE TO SHOP! I don't like to SLEEP! I kinda consider sleep a waste of time! Ha ha! I love to cook and make fudge. I LOVE CHOCOLATE! And lilacs (that's a flower) and I LOVE Estee Lauder Private Collection. Oh, and I make cigar box purses!

2. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
I would go to Hawaii and I'd take my husband Roe.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
In one movie I was played by Bernadette Peters. I love her and think she did a great job.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
My husband gives me the best advice. He has a sense of what is good for me.

5. What makes you cry?
I cry for hurting people, for hurting animals. I don't want anyone or anything to hurt or be lonely.

Kenny Scharf

Artist

2. What's the title of your autobiography?
Rollercoaster.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Young: DiCaprio. Old: Brando.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
My friends.

5. What makes you cry?
The destruction of Planet Earth.

Andrea True

Disco queen ("More, More, More") and costar with Linda Lovelace in Deep Throat Part II.

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
Happy, curvaceous senior citizen. Blonde with even disposition loves good food, travel, dancing, music, cats. Seeks tall handsome multi-billionaire of any age.

2. What's the title of your autobiography?
To the Max

3. Who plays you in the movie?
It probably would be Sharon Stone, or it could be Sissy Spacek.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
God. And I have a best friend in New York I consult with.

5. What makes you cry?
Cruelty to animals.

Gerard Damiano

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
I'm nice enough to take home to Mother. But only if Father is not at home.

2. What's the title of your autobiography?
The Devil Made Me Do It.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
It's a toss-up between Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
I never make a move without my Ouija board.

5. What makes you cry?
When I drop something heavy on my foot. Also, "president" George Bush.

Marilyn Chambers

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
Former Ivory soap box mom looking for funny (not looking though!), articulate, pleasant-looking man who can take my breath away! Must love animals and children and be compassionate to those less fortunate than he. Baggage is okay, as long as he leaves it at the curb.

2. What's the title of your autobiography?
Confessions Of America's Most Famous Porn Queen.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Reese Witherspoon

4. Who do you go to for advice?
My big sis, Jann.

5. What makes you cry?
When my teenage daughter tells me how much she loves me and how happy she is that I'm her mom.

Harry Reems

1. Describe yourself as if you were writing a personals ad.
NO LONGER FOR SALE. Porno star in his late 50s. Happy as a clam (no memory left). Will not sell his soul again. However, one can purchase his left rotator cuff, lower back, and both knees. All have been totally restored.

2. What's the title of your autobiography?
He Came, He Shriveled, He Left.

3. Who plays you in the movie?
Jim Carrey.

4. Who do you go to for advice?
No one. Very few are willing to sustain a meaningful conversation. Their loss.

5. What makes you cry?
My rotator cuff, my lower back, and my knees.

Pauley Perrette

Forensic geek Abby Sciuto on Navy NCIS

1. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
My best friend Darren Greenblatt and our current loves and 10 other gay men friends to France. Ahhhh, France. Over intellectualize, drink, smoke, and complain about American politics. That's what I do anyway.

2. What scares you?
The American conservative right wing that claims to represent God for money and votes.

3. What can't you live without?
Animals, Budweiser, artists, liberals, high-speed internet, gay men.

4. Other than people and pets, what would you save first if your house caught fire?
My writing and my pillow.

5. What's your favorite room in a house?
Wherever I can smoke, drink, play loud music, spill stuff, and be alone with my pillow.

Photo: Christine Kessler

Erin Brockovich

1. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
I’d go to the Turks and Caicos and I would bring everybody in my family and all my animals. And I have a lot of animals.

2. What scares you?
Flying. I do not like flying.

3. What can't you live without?
Hope.

4. Other than people and pets, what would you save first if your house caught fire?
Pictures. Get the pictures and get out.

5. What's your favorite room in a house?
The family room.

Guinevere Turner

1. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
I would go on a drug/booze/girls binge with Johnny Depp in the south of Spain.

2. What scares you?
Pregnant lesbians.

3. What can't you live without?
High heels.

4. Other than people and pets, what would you save first if your house caught fire?
Journals from when I was nine.

5. What's your favorite room in a house?
I love a breakfast nook.

Cyndi Lauper

1. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
I'd go everywhere and I'd take my family and friends – if I could take anybody, I'd have to take everybody. Also, I'd have to take the dogs because they would miss us.

2. What scares you?
Sometimes everything and nothing when I rationalize my fears. But I'm not big on driving through the Battery Tunnel. Those spikes they've got up kill me.

3. What can't you live without?
Life?

4. Other than people and pets, what would you save first if your house caught fire?
Cell phone, wallet, laptop. It really depends on how bad the fire is. My son might want his Game Boy and his signed hockey sticks. It really depends.

5. What's your favorite room in a house?
The kitchen.

Omarosa

1. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
My husband and I honeymooned in Montego Bay, Jamaica, back in 2000 when we got married. I would love to go back there with him and have a second honeymoon. It was amazing!

2. What scares you?
Another four years with W!!

3. What can't you live without?
My family, my two cats, and Ben & Jerry's butter pecan ice cream. Yummy!

4. Other than people and pets, what would you save first if your house caught fire?
I collect first-edition African American literature so if there were a fire I would try to save as many of these precious books as I could grab.

5. What's your favorite room in a house?
I would say my bedroom, but I love my office/study. Hey, what can I say. . . I am a "workaholic."

[Ed. note: Watch Omarosa on the House of Clues season premiere tonight at 11PM on Court TV.]

Wilmer Valderrama

1. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
I would give the tickets to my mom and dad. They deserve them more than I do. I still have much to do to earn it.

2. What scares you?
Mr. Karma.

3. What can't you live without?
My self respect.

4. Other than people and pets, what would you save first if your house caught fire?
My issues 1, 2, and 3 of the comic book Spawn.

5. What's your favorite room in a house?
The office.

Holly Woodlawn

1. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
The Swiss bank vault and a gorgeous truck driver.

2. What scares you?
Skydiving without a parachute. . . or panties.

3. What can't you live without?
Other people.

4. Other than people and pets, what would you save first if your house caught fire?
My copy of Cleopatra with Liz Taylor.

5. What's your favorite room in a house?
The kitchen and my DUNGEON.

5ive Questions

CARSON KRESSLEY

1. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
I’d go to the Gucci sample sale and I’d take my American Express card or Tom Ford, whichever one had more credit.

2. What scares you?
Double knit polyester.

3. What can't you live without?
I can’t live without cuddly, cuddly cashmere. I’m wearing it right now.

4. Other than people and pets, what would you save first if your house caught fire?
My shoe collection. I’m serious, there are some shoes that can’t be replaced.

5. What's your favorite room in a house?
That's got to be the bedroom. Lots of fun stuff happens there.

5ive Questions

CINTRA WILSON
(Author of A Massive Swelling and Colors Insulting to Nature)

1. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
I'm a sucker for an ancient, holy Buddhist hot spring – there's a swell one in the north of Bali. I'd take my main teen slobber-crush, dream-date-du-jour: New York State Attorney General Eliot Spitzer! He's just the absolute MOSTEST! (Squeeek!)

2. What scares you?
People in high positions of authority who are boneheadedly religious, hyper-literal,fearfully repressed, incapable of abstract thought regarding context, metaphor, or moral relativism, and who are, to boot, totally un-psychotherapized. I loathe zealots.

3. What can't you live without?
Lipstick. I say this with no pause for thought.

4. Other than people and pets, what would you save first if your house caught fire?
I'd probably die trying to wheel out the grand piano. If they pried my sooty, tear-stained fingers off it, I'd take the accordion. Naturally my Mark Johnson paintings would already be strapped to my back, since I always sleep with them there in case of just such an emergency.

5. What's your favorite room in a house?
Rumpus. Sometimes the dungeon, but only if there's central heating. Or, really, wherever they keep the trampoline. Outdoor bathtubs are also particularly dear to my heart. Throw a couple of candelabras around it and who needs Bali? Bali Shmali. For that matter, throw in an unusually charming pizza boy and a deep foot-massage, and who needs Eliot Spitzer? 

5ive Questions

BRADY FINTA

1. If you had two tickets to paradise, where would you go and who would you take?
I would go where there are secluded beaches, thatched roofs, and a lot of umbrella drinks. And I would take Broni, of course. Other than that, I'd like to go to the Super Bowl and take the San Diego Chargers.

2. What scares you?
Disappointing people I love.

3. What can't you live without?
Football.

4. Other than people and pets, what would you save first if your house caught fire?
Photographs and my guns.

5. What's your favorite room in a house?
The Hugh Hefner Room.