Levi Johnston: Wasilla Gorilla

The positive side to the dilemma of 18-year-old Levi Johnston (pictured) knocking up GOP VP nominee Sarah Palin's 17-year-old daughter Bristol is that Palin will be a grandma around Christmastime, and that will make her at least sound a lot older than 44 and closer in age to 72-year-old McCain. The three female staff writers who collaborated on a piece about Johnston for the New York Daily News themselves seem somewhat smitten by the "ruggedly handsome" Wasilla High hockey star – who describes himself as a "fuckin' redneck" – and perhaps would like to have his babies too. "Johnston, broad-chested and wearing a No. 15 jersey, can be seen in photographs hitting the boards as a Warrior in action," they rhapsodize. "A closeup shot shows the handsome teen with a light dusting of whiskers on his chin – his dark brown hair curly and wet." Hey, stop it! Save some of his baby-making action for us.

On his MySpace page, Johnston proudly declares: "I'm a fuckin' redneck. ... I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing." He also warns that if anyone messes with him, "I'll kick ass." The Web site, before it was removed, appeared not to have been accessed for a year. On it, he admits to having a girlfriend. On the part where it asks about children, he wrote, "I don't want kids."

Related entries:

1. It's Birthday, Bitch: Salma Hayek, 42 Lennox Lewis, 43 Keanu...
2. From Lothar With Love: Tim Hancock writes: I have never met...
3. Things to Say/Not Say During Sex: Click for full chart. (t/y Clancy)...
4. Pup Culture: Growling chihuahua with toe tiara....
5. Ed Magaña's Friday Vid Bits: A Jeep jingle a la Agatha Christie;...