Itemizing

• Posh and Becks use bird-shit facials to control their acne.

• Rev Peter Mullen, chaplain of the London Stock Exchange, wants it made law that homos have their asses tattooed with SODOMY CAN SERIOUSLY DAMAGE YOUR HEALTH and their chins with FELLATIO KILLS.

• This time, Japanese scientists have gone too far and are going to hell.

• Coldplay to release eight-track EP. That's an EP with eight tracks, not an 8-track EP. Just so you know, you 8-Bit freaks.

• Jennifer Lopez intends to send her twin babies to Scientology school the moment their anterior fontanels close.

• Britney's back, bitch, playing three roles in her "Womanizer" video.

• Courtney Love laughed all the way to the gastric-bypass surgeon.

• Girls Next Door's Holly Madison to old playboy: "Hef Hugh!"

• Tina Fey signed a "megabucks" book deal with Little, Brown. Not a memoir. Meanwhile, it's likely Sarah Palin will make an appearance on either SNL or the first of SNL's Thursday-night "Weekend Update" specials.

Related entries:

1. Voila!: Don't discard your cumbersome VHS cassettes, recycle...
2. It's Birthday, Bitch: Jeremy Sisto, 34 Amy Jo Johnson, 38...
3. Itemizing: • The Scientologists have Amy Winehouse's crib...
4. Ed Magaña's Friday Vid Bits: Here are today's fab four: a dull,...
5. Doggie Door: Isabel doesn't realize there's no glass in...