Just Ask Joey

Dear Joey Over the weekend I decided I wanted to become a cheerleader. I'm 47 and work as a forest ranger in Grand Rapids, Michigan. My whole life has been devoted to botany and it wasn't until six weeks ago that I started to become disgusted with my day to day life. I mean don't get me wrong, being a forest ranger in the great lake state is truly an honor, but lately it just hasn't been up to par.

This morning I quit my job with the United States Forest Service and am now driving 3,000 miles south to Sarasota, Florida, where I will be competing in the 32th Annual Sarasota Amateur Cheer Competition. Is my rash decision-making and obsession with double handsprings out of control? Or is following the path of the universe the right choice? I feel like my brain is flooded with right and wrong choices. Please help me. In the mean time I will be practicing my cradle catch in the courtyard of the Sarasota Holiday Inn.

Cheerful and Fearful

Dear Cheerful I commend you on your "rash decision-making." America should take a cue from you and make all their decisions after a weekend of binge drinking and watching Bring It On. Because, seriously, we all know that's what happened, it’s as plain as day: You are 47, unhappy, and live in Michigan. All signs point to yes.

So now you are on your way to Sarasota, Florida, where you will be competing against what I can only imagine are other middle-aged botanists chasing a dream. Maybe after you fall down the first time and manage to get right up you’ll win the respect of your fellow cheerleaders. I think this is how the script for the Sex and the City movie developed – but I could be wrong on that one. I am sorry to say but, yes, this is one of those wrong decisions. Do what other dudes in your age range do when they get fed up with life: DRUGS.

Joey

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