July 17, 2008
When Your Homecoming King Is a Dick
My old high school classmate Andy Dick was arrested Wednesday in Murrieta, California, outside the Buffalo Wild Wings Grill & Bar on suspicion of sexual battery and drug possession. Andy, who police said was heavily intoxicated, allegedly fondled the breasts of a 17-year-old girl before pulling her top down and was later found to be in possession of marijuana and a Xanax.
Andy has always acted crazy even back in high school. He once dressed up as a superhero named “Super Dick” and he was elected our homecoming king as a school joke. I moved to Joliet during my sophomore year, which was Andy’s senior year. I had met him a few times through our mutual friend and fellow actor Anthony Rapp. We were never that close, but he definitely succeeded on several occasions in making an impression on me with his wild ways. I met up with him a few years ago in Los Angeles. I was staying at The Mondrian hotel, and was just about to leave Sky Bar with the group of friends I was traveling with when I noticed Andy was at the bar. I walked over with my friend John and tried to introduce myself. But as soon as Andy turned around to face me, I could see by his wildly dilated pupils that he was stoned off his ass. I was already at the bar by then so I decided to say hello anyway and asked if he remembered going to high school with me. For a moment he just stared at me without saying a word. Then he looked me up and down and gave my friend the once-over as well and then said “Oh good, gay boys. Why don’t you pull your pants down and I’ll ass fuck you right here.” It was one of the few times that I’ve ever been stunned completely silent. And to make matters worse, my friend happened to be a happy heterosexual and was none too thrilled with Andy’s offer. We left the bar as fast as we could and I never saw Andy again. But upon hearing of Andy’s arrest I can see that, sadly, he hasn't changed a bit.
– AguynamedWayne
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