Recently Dead

Moye Ishimoto writes:

A moment of silence please, for the late Rocky Aoki who passed away last Thursday. Aside from his mustache, Aoki was best known for being the founder of the Benihana of Tokyo restaurant chain. In other words, I blame him for being solely responsible for horrible faux Japanese cuisine in the United States, as well as inspiring one of the best Office episodes ever.

No, really. Don’t even try to argue with me that Benihana is an authentic ethnic cuisine and that it’s really delicious. Sure, it’s good with kids who apparently don’t know how to behave properly in a restaurant setting but let’s try to teach our new generation on cultural sensitivity: Japanese food does not equal Benihana’s. That’s like teaching your kids that the Olive Garden is the best Italian food they’ll ever get to eat, and Mexicans really do eat “pizzas” made out of tortilla chips at Taco Bell. Also, please don’t try to prove that Rocky’s version of teppanyaki originated from samurai swords because it didn't. Send me as many Wikipedia links as you want, but I refuse to believe that of all the things associated with his restaurant chain (trash, trash, and trash), the samurai lifestyle had nothing to do with it. And I’m sure they had much better things to do than slice up some shrimp and pop it into their client’s mouth while singing “Happy Birthday.” Like, I don’t know, cutting up ninjas? Let’s get real, here.

If I had to give him credit for something since, according to etiquette, we have to be nice to dead people unless your name starts with H and ends with R, I will admit that Rocky was a marketing genius for brainwashing people into thinking that grilled food chopped up and juggled around was something you’d actually want to pay money for.

Also, thank you, Rocky, for also being the only Asian guy I ever saw to sport Jheri Curls. I was initially embarrassed about it, but the fact that you were physically able to manipulate your hair follicles into such a style is a feat in itself. And don’t forget that Rocky defied all typical Asian traditions of putting your family first – I’ve never heard of a Japanese guy suing his own children for not accepting his new wife, Keiko, especially after he changed his will that gave her full control over distributing their inheritance. I learned all that from this awesome article in New York magazine. But don’t worry! This Japanese Brady Bunch is all good now! Despite litigation between Aoki and his children over the past two years, all six of them were at his bedside when he died, along with his third wife Keiko Ono Aoki.

Awww, such a happy ending for a drama-filled family. (Photo: Kyoko Hamada)

– Moye Ishimoto

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