The St James Version

My friend Pat from Clearwater, Florida, is concerned that I'm not fully exploiting my current status. He suggests a more stringent admissions policy to my fan club, and a tightening of the reins on my part. He thinks it should be more of "an 'action group' kinda like the nazi 'Angstedt Grupen.'" Here are his proposed guidelines for the "First Ultimate Classified Knowledge Klub – Fabulous Action Group":

Purpose – to select ambassadors for promoting the advancement of patrilineally exclusive males, forwarding the fact that our orientation is a reaction to overpopulation. Being the further evolved species we were created to save the earth. Promoting our mission by covert operations to expedite the evolution of mankind.

1. You will become one of the most popular people on the planet
2. You will have full VIP status to all nightclubs
3. Have washboad abs
4. You will be protected by members of our organization who have used brutal lethal force in the past
5. Don't worry – I will tell you what to wear and how to act
6. Thousands of other perks will also be revealed.

Requirements:
1. Males only (we need females too but they can join my other exsisting fan club)
2. Must send picture(s), if you are buff then show it. We are very particular about admission and beauty is paramount to acceptance (just like in the real world)
3. A non-refundable fee of $100 must accompany your application. This shows us you are serious; however, your nude picture will be accepted in place of the $100 fee.
4. If accepted you must do exactly as you are told
5. You will advance in status as you successfully complete your secret missions

JOIN. BE SOMEONE. FUCK EVERYONE. (Our motto.)

Hmmm. I'm thinking about it, Pat. It might need a few more happy faces and some YAYs! and OMG!s – but the blueprint is there. Yeah, let's run with it.

– James St James

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