21st-Century Vox

Just a Click Away


Since the beginning of time, mankind has been obsessed with the unusual, the peculiar, and the downright weird. Like watching a train wreck in progress, sometimes you just feel like you can’t look away even though you really should. Long gone are the days when sideshows were the only place you could see some of the strangest freaks imaginable. With the cyber revolution strongly embedded into our culture, now any weirdo can post whatever he wants, and millions of computer users can log on and see into the minds of some of the most bizarre people on the planet. I've compiled a list of just a few of the oddest, most absurd, and even mundane things you can find just by clicking.

About seven years ago when web sites weren’t so high tech, a guy named Mark McElwain came up with the idea to post voice messages left by his completely crazed ex-girlfriend. The site psychoexgirlfriend was simple in form, but the chick on the messages was captivating. As the messages increase to a total of 30 over a two-day period, the “psycho ex” becomes increasingly more irrational until you think the freak is gonna off herself on the other line. The site has since been taken down, but just as every good computer geek knows, if it went up, it really never came down. Check out dumpstermonkey.

In the film Boomerang, Grace Jones wanted to craft a perfume that would capture the essence of a woman and planned on the catchy name Steel Vagina for her creation. Well, the people at Vulva Original decided not to be so crass about their product and simply choose Vulva as their fragrance moniker, but still guarantee it captures the scent of a woman, and then some. The site smellme2 carries the fragrance that is said to smell exactly like a woman’s vagina. Even a straight man might think, “Um gross.” The hysterical photo gallery of high fashion models smelling each other’s nether regions while a man sniffs the fragrance on his wrist is worth the time it takes to pull up this site.

If you are looking to purchase some bugs and, let's face it, who isn’t, bugsdirectuk claims to be a wholesaler of the world’s most exotic insects. Weird enough for ya? Well, the customer comments speak for themselves: “What can I say, yet again totally lost for words, I didn't know millipedes like this existed, in a word awesome.” Yes, awesome indeed. Or how about this one, “Many thanks. My order arrived safely this morning. The Usumbara Red Baboon spider is a bit more impressive than I expected and is an interesting addition to my collection.” I mean, what a freak. Everyone knows that the Red Baboon spider is supposed to be your first purchase, DUH! And if live insects aren’t stimulating enough, they offer dead ones in candy flavors.

Skinbag is the brainchild of French transmedia artist Olivier Goulet. If you don’t know what that is, don’t worry. We’ve been looking at this site for weeks and have yet to figure out the purpose of the product. The site explains that a SkinBags are “autonomous seamless organisms in synthetic skin.” They look like grotesque scrotums that have been molded to carry your house keys in, but what they're made of is still a complete mystery.

From dead skin to just plain dead, buschfuneral is a site dedicated to announcing where you can attend a live funeral. An oxymoron yes, but the site allows you to type in any last name and a list of all the memorials that take place will conveniently pop up. So if there is a long lost relative that you've been hoping to receive an inheritance from, check out this site and see if the time has come for them to pay up.

If you wanna see some of the most entertainingly stupid pictures and videos on the web, check out fugly. It’s kinda like YouTube for the mentally disturbed and contains hundreds of the dumbest things you aren’t even sure you want to see like Boris Yeltson dancing, or people sewing their eyes shut, or the underside of Charo’s skirt. Now that’s F(uckin)Ugly.

Last but not least on the list of weird sites is conezone. This site sells a sex toy, a pink vibratorlike apparatus simply called the cone. Conezone allows you to have online chats with other cone users and has some of the silliest animated drawings demonstrating the versatility of the device. The characters are all using the cone in its various positions, and you can’t help but chuckle at how you would explain the contraption to your houseguests.

So whether you're looking to laugh, cry, puke, or pleasure yourself, there's always something weird waiting for you on the web. BLOG HARD!

It’s always a business doing pleasure with you.

– Dylan Vox

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