To Rehab and to Hold

While Britney's dysfunctional family is eager to put her back into rehab (the way some characters in gothic novels are hidden away in insane asylums), the pop princess is prancing around town showing off Michael Marchand, her handsome new toy boy with the privileged-sounding name and the service job. He's an actor slash waiter who works at Mirabelle restaurant, which is where he first serviced her, earlier this month, and where he serviced her off-duty yesterday, causing a bit of a stir. They came in one after the other, said a witness. "They were being discreet. Forty-five minutes later, they left the restaurant together. He was charming; he made Britney laugh and looked at her with this secret smile. They left in separate cars." An "insider" says their attraction was immediate and "he's very turned on by her. They're always texting each other." But, Britney, why a waiter? Can't you find somebody with his own bank account, who won't feel emasculated by your financial prowess and can buy you things without sending you the bill?

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