Tour de Lance

When we thought cyclist Lance Armstrong was boffing a celebutroll 15 years his junior – to wit, mini billionaire Ashley Olsen – we were intrigued. But now that he's gone public, via Page Six, saying, "Ashley Olsen and I are strictly friends. We have hung out amongst other friends, and she strikes me as a nice, smart lady," we're not so much amused as creeped. Olsen should be playing with trolls her own age. Though she has since denied it, Armstrong's ex, Sheryl Crowe, would seem to agree: When asked what she thought of the Ashley-Lance thing, she said, "That's pathetic. Ashley's a kid." Recently, one of Armstrong's twin six-year-old daughters took Olsen to her school for show-and-tell. But what really amuses us is Armstrong's use of the word "amongst" in the Page Six item. Who uses that archaic word in conversation, other than poets and Steven Corfe? And who, you'll fire back in Corfe's defense, uses the expression "to wit" at all, other than poets and pretentious bloggers?

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