The St James Version

Yesterday, I received an URGENT!URGENT! request from my fanboard moderator, Urethra Franklin, asking me if I would PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE watch this old Nelson Sullivan clip, and then address the boardmembers on the burning issue of just WHAT in HOLY HELL was on my head? Was that a wig? Or was it my real hair? The debate was getting ugly. The fans needed answers.

Sigh. Unfortunately, yes, that was really my hair. I feel like I should issue a formal apology, or something, for it. See, I remember I had a tumbling mane of platinum locks that was my crowning glory. Not that; that's just a tragedy. That's a toxic bale of hay up there. So now you can understand why, when people ask me if I miss those days, I say, "eh..." I mean, sure, the '80s were fun – good times, yeah, yeah – but now is so much better. Seriously. Totally. I don't glamorize those days because i watch videos like that and just want to DIE. OMG! And it's not just my hair, it's that outfit! And LISA'S hair! And her makeup! And I'm not even going to TOUCH Fenton's look! BUT I'M SURE WE ALL THOUGHT WE LOOKED TOTALLY FABULOUS! And we probably spent HOURS getting that ugly.

So, In our defense, it was just a tacky period. TACKY ALL AROUND. Because that video didn't happen to catch us on an off-night, oh no. I remember that jumper. It was Yohji. And that hair was my ticket to the A-list. It was HOT. I know it's hard to believe, but all those things looked fabulous in our eyes back then. And they WERE fabulous. It's just hard to remember WHY.

Funny, though, Lisa hasn't changed at BIT. Not at ALL. Other than the hair and makeup, of course. It could be today. It's like I'm watching HOUSE on home video – seriously, the girl hasn't aged in 25 years. ME? I'm like a character on a soap opera that's been played by a dozen different actors. I don't even recognize myself half the time. And I wonder: Will we be having this discussion again in 20 years, groaning over our current fashion forrays?

– James St James

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