May 5, 2007
21st-Century Vox
The Baby Dilemma
All the stars have them. It’s like a great new accessory, only it goes a lot deeper than that. Is it wrong that I want to get on the bandwagon and have one too someday? My best friend from high school is about to have a little baby boy, and it has been a great time at her house. I got to see pics of the little sucker in her womb and how awesomely happy she and her husband are about bringing a cute little child into the world. As happy as I was for her, I couldn’t help but feel a little sad that I don’t have a little dude or dudette coming into my life anytime soon. A lot of my friends don’t like or want children, which I think is cool, but I gotta admit I wouldn’t mind being Angelina Jolie (and not just for the Brad thing) and having a house full of different kids running around. I started to think out loud to a friend about the possibilities of what it would be like, and he expressed that he thought it was just stupid to bring a kid into the world when it was so fucked up. His response made me wonder, do people truly think like that or is it just fashionable?
I was born on Christmas Day in 1978 to some chick who got knocked up while she was in high school. I was left in the hospital and eventually adopted by my moms and pops. Now, I rarely talk about being adopted because most of the time I just forget about it until someone asks me what nationality I am or something like that. Believe me, it’s awesome to be able to skip all the family medical history stuff on documents. I simply get to put “adopted” and move on to the next question. I know a lot of people believe in abortion, which is their prerogative, but I have to say, I have had a pretty cool life for not really being a planned pregnancy.
I'm not saying that pro-choicers should burn in hell or anything like that, I just think that a lot of the time people believe in abortion because they think that a child who's not wanted or is unplanned won’t have a great life. It’s not true though. Life is pretty much what you make of it. There are plenty of kids who were wanted and were planned that have terrible childhoods, and there are those who are lucky and have great lives. There is no way to actually tell what life has in store for anyone. I also hear people who are pro-choice who say, Well, what if a woman is raped? Should abortion be allowed then? Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but who knows what good could come from something bad? Most “liberals” consider themselves pro-choice and against the death penalty. That has always seemed like a contradiction to me because I don’t think a human being should be able to kill another human being no matter what. Yeah, it happens, but the retaliation of killing someone for killing someone seems counterproductive and hypocritical. You can punish someone so severely for the wrongs that they do without resorting to killing them.
OK, sorry about the tangent. I was talking about kids, so let me get back to it. I know that a lot of gay people don’t like or want children, and I wonder if that is a product of biology or a product of society. Yes, I realize there are many more hoops to go through to get children if you're gay and do want them, but most boys – especially the ones I know – just don’t want them. Maybe it's an evolution of mankind trying to prevent the planet from becoming overpopulated.
I know my mom's and grandparents' generations felt like they had to have children. They needed and wanted them and usually had them pretty early on. Now women are waiting to have them later in life and are facing fewer societal pressures. I mean, look at Oprah. Maybe that’s just our inner biology protecting our habitat, the planet.
Who really knows why people want children or why they don’t, and who can really say how a child’s life will turn out if he is wanted or not wanted. I just know that looking at the little fetus sucking his thumb on the monitor made me happy. I don’t want a child right away, I’ve got plenty of time for that and want to make sure I have all my selfish things out of the way before I add a child to my life, but it gave me hope for things to come in the future and reminded me that even the smallest miracle is still a miracle. BLOG HARD!!!
It’s always a business doing pleasure with you.
– Dylan Vox
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Comments
-- Leo | May 5, 2007 4:09 PM
I agree with practically all you have stated about having your own children. I believe that almost everyone that is sane,intelligent and fiscally able should have them-otherwise the population would be severely diminished. And I am happy to find out your genealogy. Seems like you are doing a good job in life-and after all that is what matters. Keep up the good work.
-- Bob | May 6, 2007 11:18 AM
I see kids at the park, or riding their bikes in the neighborhood and sometimes wish I had one too. Then maybe I wouldn't have to cut the grass, or take out the trash.
But seriously, the thought of shaping a young mind is WAY too intense for me to even consider it. Think about it - everything you say or do during the first 12 years of life will be reflected in their concrete personality. That's way too much pressure if you ask me.
But I'm still young (mostly) maybe that will change....or not.
YCKTR
-- YCKTR | May 7, 2007 2:14 AM
Dylan, I think your position is somewhat arrogant considering you base it entirely around the good of the fetus rather than the pregnant woman. I can understand that, it is your own experience. Although it may be difficult because you are a man and this will never be a reality for you, it is important for you to consider the position of the pregnant woman. A fetus at that stage of development is not a person, it is a developing clump of cells. It has no viable organs, reflexes, and it is far away from the remotest consciousnes. In order for it to become a person, a woman's body must change itself in order to nurture it. The burden of having and raising a child is immense. Pregnancy and childbirth are extremely dangerous for women, complications can induce serious injury and death, and not every pregnancy is successfull. Similarly, the emotional and economic responsibilities of having a child are huge and long-term. Many women who become pregnant look forward to experiencing pregnancy and raising children. Many women who become pregnant, do not. Those who are pro-choice do not think or feel that they should be forced to carry both of those burdens regardless of their own feelings.
Expecting women to be slaves to a biological capacity is unreasonable. For you to expect that of raped women is even worse. Do you really believe that traumatized, violated women should be forced to sacrifice their health and possibly their lives to cultivate the development of that crime? To consider it in physical terms is horrible, let alone the psychological damage that would induce.
Many women with unplanned and unwanted pregnancies decide that carrying that pregnancy to term and giving the child up for adoption is the right choice for them. This happens across the world. I am in no means denigrating the adoption system, it is a very important and beneficial institution for many families.
Regardless, whether or or not to carry that pregnancy to term is a woman's choice, one neither you, nor any other person other than her has the right to make. A woman is a person, I think the cultural discourse sometimes forget that. She is a living, breathing, sentinent, autonomous being and to deprive her of her reproductive choice, is to deny her her right to self-determination. It is great that your birth mother made the choice to carry on the pregnancy and give you life, but even if she had made the other, it was still her choice.
-- SleepyJean | May 8, 2007 1:05 AM
I was unplanned--and I'm glad my mom had me--but I do think it's a woman's body, and if she doesn't want to have the child, she has the right to end the pregnancy. It's more to having a baby than having a baby: health issues for the mother, financial considerations, the psychological strain on the mother and those around her (my mother cried throughout her pregnancy because she was an unwed mother, and my dad was long gone. Her mental state during pregnancy has affected my mental state to this day--everything the mother feels, the fetus feels, too)
That said, I believe that adoption is great. My problem with the celebrity adoption thing is that they're adopting children from third world nations like their accessories. At some point it no longer becomes altruistic that one celebrity adopted an African child, and now we have people like Meg Ryan adopting kids from China. God help us if Lindsey Lohan or Britney Spears jump on the band wagon. Then these children become commodities (see John Sayles' "Casa de los Babys").
I love you, Dylan, and I'm glad your mom had you, but I disagree with you.
-- Felicia | May 10, 2007 11:23 AM
You can have MY BABY!!! :)