Born on the Twenty-fifth of December

The Church of Scientology has finally come right out and tapped Tom Cruise to be the Jesus Christ of their organization, and gone public with it. Don't know what took them so long; Tom will be a 44-year-old doing the work of someone in his 30s. In his capacity as Christ, Cruise will move throughout the world spreading the teachings of L Ron Howard to its many peoples, just as the Son of God proselytized the word of His Father, God, to the little children, albeit more locally. Scientology leader David Miscavige believes Cruise will be worshipped just as Jesus was. "Like Christ, he's been criticized for his views," said a church source, "but future generations will realize he was right." Can we assume there will not be an M:I:4? (via The Sun; illustration by Steven Corfe)

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