Battery Not Included

Naomi Campbell, like the supermodel she is, showed up at Manhattan Criminal Court today dressed in a black pencil skirt, grey sweater, and heels, with her hair styled in a short coif we suspect was comprised of a fiber alien to her scalp. She pleaded guilty to one of her many assault charges, this one brought by former assistant Ana Scolavino, who was conked on the head by a cell phone thrown by Campbell last year. Standing before the judge, the model read her statement: "I have an apartment at 500 Park Avenue. Ana Scolavino was an employee of mine. During the morning of March 30, 2006, I threw a cell phone in the apartment. The cell phone hit Ana. That was an accident, because I did not intend to hit her. I am advised that Ana was hurt, and I am deeply sorry about that." We're thinking perjury, but whatever. Originally facing a second-degree felony-assault charge punishable by a year in the pokey, due to a plea agreement with the prosecutors, Campbell was sentenced instead to only five days of community service, a round of anger-management classes, and an order to pay Scolavino $363.32 to cover medical bills. (Actress Archives via Starpulse)

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