Itemizing

• She smells sex and burgers. Lindsay Lohan's been sending SOS text-message requests for McDonald's and sex from the Wonderland Center to Brody Jenner (who's just been signed as spokesman for Scope mouthwash). "Sorry, dude, I don't text and tell," said minty-fresh Jenner when asked what her messages say specifically. (Source)

• The Maryland Nighthawks' Sun Ming Ming is 7'9" and officially the tallest player in the history of professional basketball. Ming Ming's uniform sports the wink-wink number 79, and he's complaining that the XXXXXXL sweatshirt his team gave him is too small. Big baby. (Source)

• But, miraculously, she had no trouble spelling "Alzheimer." 71-year-old Julie Andrews embarrassed herself at a children's spelling bee in New York yesterday when they asked her to spell the tunes-a-Poppins "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" and she lost track halfway through. (Contact Music)

• Kicking off what could be arguably the shortest campaign for president ever, Senator Joe Biden described opponent Senator Barack Obama as "the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy." In an attempt to undo the damage, Biden visited The Daily Show and also called Reverend Al Sharpton. "I take a bath every day," the rev told him. (Source)

• Research has shown that using lotions scented with lavendar and tea tree oils can causes enlarged breasts in young males, a condition called gynecomastia. So? It seems to us that young boys who enjoy smelling like lavendar would also enjoy having larger breasts. And a vagina. (Source)

• Drunk, high, and speeding when he crashed his car and killed an underage passenger, actor Lane Garrison could have the felony charge of gross vehicular manslaughter brought against him and be sentenced to 13 years in jail. A prison break he hadn't counted on. (Source)

• A promotional campaign for Adult Swim's Aqua Teen Hunger Force had Boston's bomb squad closing roads and shutting down train lines while they searched for randomly placed boxes with blinking lights arranged in smiley-face formation. At least one of the harmless boxes was detonated. It went Pow! Blam! (Source)

Related entries:

1. Bench Bugs: Turns out rats, urine, and mental patients...
2. Wake Up to the Wonderful World of Alpacas!: You can imagine how running a big...
3. Itemizing: Children in the News: • San Francisco former priest and host...
4. Getting Ahead in Texas: Texans Matthew Richard Gonzalez, left, and Kevin...
5. Baby Picture: One of the interns here at World...