The St James Version

I just don’t get it. WHYWHYWHY do I always think these mass murderers are so cute? I LOVE this new one, Robert Hawkins. I mean, COME ON, he’s ADORABLE! Is it that I’m just attracted to dorks and outsiders? I don’t like WHAT HE DID, of course. It’s a horrible, senseless tragedy. But the fact that the press keeps hammering on about “WHAT A LOSER” he was, in life, seems to me to be part of the problem. Maybe if MORE PEOPLE WERE LIKE ME and embraced these sad little nerds, and held them close and stroked their greasy little hairdos AND TOLD THEM HOW CUTE THEY WERE, maybe they wouldn’t feel the need to take out a dozen Christmas shoppers. SO GO OUT AND FUCK A NERD, PEOPLE. THE LIFE YOU SAVE MAY BE YOUR OWN.

– James St James

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