High and Outside

Former Yankees catcher Jim Leyritz, whose heroics led the team to win the 1996 World Series, was arrested yesterday and charged with DUI manslaughter and DUI property damage after he crashed his 2006 Ford Expedition into a 2000 Mitsubishi Montero at a Fort Lauderdale intersection, killing the driver who was thrown from the vehicle. Witnesses said Leyritz ran a red light. Broward County officers reported that the ballplayer had watery eyes, a flushed face, smelled of liquor, failed a roadside sobriety test, was generally uncooperative, and refused to take either a Breathalyzer or blood test. Leyritz, who's admitted to using amphetamines and steroids in the past, was released from Broward County Jail after posting $11,000 bond. (New York Times)

Sequel Opportunity

The Red Band, age-restricted trailer for Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay – bongs, pubes, the KKK, and Neil Patrick Harris as the Beaver.

Help a Brother Out

Eduardo Cruz' sisters Monica and Penelope were nice enough to spice up the video for his otherwise-ordinary "Cosas Que Contar" with a bit of lesbian activity. ¡Muy incesto!

Snap!

Over the holiday, proud couple Mark Ruffalo and Ethan Hawke (so fanfuckingtastic in Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, by the way) showed off their new baby to the New York paparazzi for the first time. Congratulations, guys – she's beautiful. (Photo via I'm Not Obsessed!)

Brandy Walks

Due to insufficient evidence, Brandy Rayana Norwood aka Brandy will not be charged with misdemeanor vehicular manslaughter in the fierce rear-ending she gave a Toyota a year ago that resulted in the death of a 38-year-old woman. Two statements on the subject were released today:

A spokesman from the City Attorney's office said it "has decided not to file misdemeanor vehicular manslaughter charges against Brandy Norwood in the case stemming from a Dec. 30, 2006, traffic collision. After conducting a thorough investigation, which included consulting with some of the top accident reconstruction experts in the country, City prosecutors concluded that there was insufficient evidence from which a jury could find Ms. Norwood guilty of such a charge beyond a reasonable doubt."

Norwood's attorney said, "We are extremely pleased that after a more thorough and extensive investigation by authorities ... Brandy Norwood should not be charged with any crime whatsoever relating to the accident back in 2006. These past 12 months have posed an extraordinary hardship for Brandy and her family, who have been unfairly forced to live under a cloud of suspicion initially caused by the ill-advised and premature press release sent out by the California Highway Patrol accusing Brandy of wrongdoing before the police investigation was even finished."

Pup Culture Approximately

Quote Unquote

"I respond well to flattery. Flattery and money. Madonna flirted with me to get me to make her new film, Filth and Wisdom. She's a terrible flirt and very attractive. I was bewitched, so of course I fell at her feet." – actor Richard E Grant, on what it took to get him to star in Madonna's directorial debut. (Digital Spy)

Itemizing

• Milo Ventimiglia confesses to heroic romance with Hayden Panettiere.

• Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn call it quits after 11 years.

• Not-pregnant Jennifer Aniston virtually living with Jason Lewis.

• It's over between Russian billionheiress Anna Anisimova and her fiance, real-estate developer David Weisser.

• Rhys Ifans about to propose to Sienna Miller.

• David Spade hooks up with newly single Jenna Fischer.

• Hannah Montana's Miley Cyrus and Jonas Brothers' Nick, both 15, split.

• Socialite Lauren Davis set to marry Colombian heir Andres Santo Domingo.

• Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds threaten to marry at any minute.

• Kim Kardashian and New Orleans Saints' Reggie Bush go shopping.

Clerical Error

Proving that the Christmas spirit doesn't last very long at all, a brawl broke out between rival gangs of priests at the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem this week. The church – thought by many Christians to be the birthplace of Jesus Christ – is run jointly by Roman Catholic, Greek Orthodox, and Armenian Apostolic authorities. Each group has its own turf within the Basilica and everyone gets along just fine, as long as no one crosses into enemy territory. But that's exactly what happened on Thursday while the church was being cleaned after Christmas celebrations. Dozens of priests and church cleaners went totally OFF when someone from the Greek Orthodox group stepped into the Armenian Apostolic section. Brooms and fists started to fly and police had to come in to separate the two sides, but not before some were left bruised and bloody. Word on the street is that Jesus was not amused. (Photo: AFP/Getty Images)

– AguynamedWayne

Born for Porn

The not-that-handsome co-star of The Hills, Spencer Pratt, 24, has been approached to star in gay porn, reports InTouch magazine. “He was born to be in a gay-porn blockbuster,” said Michael Lucas (right), CEO of Lucas Entertainment, New York’s largest gay-adult-film company. Lucas is certain he could make Pratt the next gay-porn superstar. "There are many things I value about Spencer, especially his incredible energy and his in-your-face enthusiasm for attention. I know how to put all of that to excellent use in gay porn," he said. “Trust me – I’ll know how to show viewers the parts of Spencer Pratt they most want to see." What does Lucas know that he's not saying? Whatever it is, Pratt's not willing to put it on film. “I think I will have to turn down this offer,” he told the tabloid. “I would be on reality TV until I am 100. It’s the coolest thing in town.” (t/y Nicole)

The 12 Steps of Christmas

Mischa Barton was pulled over and arrested on the corner of La Cienega and Santa Monica Boulevard at 2:45 this morning for driving her white Range Rover under the influence and without a license. She was handcuffed and taken into the station, as any drunk driver would be, and is still being held, awaiting release on $10,000 bail. (Hollyscoop)

Art Basel Miami Beach

Phil Tarley writes:

The sixth annual Art Basel Miami Beach, North America’s most important art show, brought 40,000 attendees to bask in the glitz, the glamour, and the gaudy at the most massive assemblage of contemporary art the world has ever seen. In a strange, sexy move, the merger of high-end fashion and contemporary art zapped the zeitgeist with more money, more energy, and bigger sales. Net Jet’s fleet of private airliners whisked the wealthy to their one-stop art shop at Art Basel Miami Beach. Here, they could fulfill their art-shopping needs at what has been likened to the Target of the art world. For five furious days, the works had been vetted, priced, and put out on the floor in the most gigantic fine-art department store.



UBS, Net Jet, Perrier-Jouet, Hennessey, Davidoff, and Cartier – all corporate sponsors – jockeyed to position alliances with contemporary art. As I smoked Davidoff cigars and swilled champagne under the blue-lit Dome du Cartier, I wondered if contemporary art sold out or was bought out. Yes, beautiful works were all over the ABMB floor. Warhols abounded. Edward Steichen’s portrait of Gloria Swanson flew out the doors for a cool half a million. But ABMB was a safe bet, with Classic Contemporary its major theme.

This year, the provocative art was off-site at SCOPE, PULSE, AQUA, NADA, and the smaller, edgier shows that mushroomed up around town. Best of the show had to go to Los Angeles photo art dealer Stephen Cohen, who aligned his show, PHOTO MIAMI, with another photo phenom, AIPAD. This double show morphed bleeding-edge photography in one hot power venue which left viewers dazzled, dazed, and delighted. It flashed the lightening-like insights, freshness and the magic moments of vision we always hope for at an art show.

Feral Ferrell

Here's the Red Band, age-restricted trailer for the Will Ferrell movie Semi-Pro so, sorry, kids, you'll have to watch it with your parents. The language is a bit salty for young ears. You know, "cocksucker" and the like.

We Interrupt This Blog

...to bring you AguynamedWayne's illustrated, rhapsodic aside on vacationing in Hawaii:

Vacation. I love everything about it. It's a chance to get away from the stress and struggle of the daily humdrum and see some place on this planet that is still beautiful. To walk around outside with next-to-no clothes. To feel hot sun on my skin even though back at home winter is in full effect. To see some wildlife and maybe get a bit wild myself. Vacation. I love everything about it. Happy Holidays.

Luke & Noah: A Christmas Story

It's hard to believe we were alerted to this look back at ATWT history by someone other than James St James. (t/y tipster)

Yo Yo Yo, Y'all

Christmas Idol is sort of almost just like American Idol in name and purpose, but way more festive. Watch all the audition tapes here. Hilarious. (t/y Beckett Boo)

Snap!

Christmas Day, Camp Lee, Virginia, 1941. (via Dr. X)

A Holiday Message from the Editor

Christmas Music for the Obsessive-Compulsive pt 3

Tom Campbell writes:

I’ve discovered a way to recycle your dusty holiday CDs and iTune downloads of Christmases Past and create a whole new listening experience. Just burn full CDs of the one song, performed by a variety of artists. It’s not as annoying as it sounds. Instead, the mix becomes a kind of master class in the art of arrangements and vocal styling.

White Christmas - Bing Crosby Now That's What I Call Christmas!
White Christmas - Guitar Ensemble Christmas Guitars
White Christmas - Clyde McPhatter & The Drifters Soul Christmas
White Christmas - Connie Francis Connie Francis - Christmas in My Heart
White Christmas - Darlene Love A Christmas Gift for You from Phil Spector
White Christmas - Otis Redding Soul Christmas
White Christmas - Doris Day The Doris Day Christmas Album
White Christmas - Mitch Miller & His Orchestra Holiday Sing Along With Mitch
White Christmas - The Supremes 20th-Century Masters - The Christmas Collection: The Best of The Supremes
White Christmas - Elvis Presley Elvis White Christmas
White Christmas - Steve And Eydie That Holiday Feeling
Blanca Navidad - Eydie Gormé Navidad Means Christmas
White Christmas - Esquivel Swingin' Christmas
White Christmas - The Manhattan Transfer An Acapella Christmas
White Christmas - José Carreras, Luciano Pavarotti & Plácido Domingo The Three Tenors Christmas
White Christmas (King Kooba Remix) - Charlie Parker Holiday Chill The Christmas Remixes
White Christmas - Linda Ronstadt/Rosemary Clooney A Merry Little Christmas
White Christmas (Paul & Price Remix) - Bing Crosby Holiday Chill - The Christmas Remixes

A Tree Fell in the Forest

According to Peter Sciretta at Slashfilm, Jessica Simpson's Blonde Ambition averaged $48 per screen on Friday in Simpson's home state of Texas, for a total box office of $384. Based on an $8 ticket price, that means only six people paid to see the movie at each of those theatres, and only 48 people went to see the movie. One of the worst performances a movie has ever had.

'Lindsay Was Insatiable,' Says Lover

Lindsay Lohan's rehab boyfriend, Riley Giles, told the News of the World all about their relationship at Cirque Lodge in Utah. He says the "nymphomaniac" actress swapped her love of drugs and alcohol for sex – and lots of it – with him. "She's wild in bed," said the 24-year-old professional snowboarder. "We'd have sex a couple of times in the day and then go to it through the night. We once did it four times in a row straight. That was crazy. Lindsay was insatiable. She'd demand sex again and again. We'd go at it for hours." He doesn't like to brag but, "she'd have worn out most guys." After their 60-day stint was up, the two took a cabin in the mountains overlooking the Sundance resort and "went at it like rabbits," claims the tabloid. "We'd barely gotten through the door," Giles remembers, "when we just ripped each other's clothes off. Lindsay is so hot. She has a great body. Her backside is fantastic, perfect, all plump and round. She has great curves but her belly is nice and flat and toned. We couldn't get enough of each other." (Continue reading – there's more)

The Nightmare Before Billy Idol

or Have Yourself a Billy Idol Christmas.

Stuffer Stocking

This is called the HO HO Heel. It's made by Three Queens and a Jack and comes in at least two sizes (ho, and drag queen, probably) and also in "liquid" gold. It costs under $20 at the Vine American party store in Los Angeles, on the not-so-swank end of Melrose. (t/y David)

Christmas Music for the Obsessive-Compulsive pt 2

Tom Campbell writes:

I’ve discovered a way to recycle your dusty holiday CDs and iTune downloads of Christmases Past and create a whole new listening experience. Just burn full CDs of the one song, performed by a variety of artists. It’s not as annoying as it sounds. Instead, the mix becomes a kind of master class in the art of arrangements and vocal styling.

Santa Claus Is Coming to Town (Single) - Bing Crosby & the Andrews Sisters A Merry Christmas with Bing Crosby & the Andrews Sisters
Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town - Bruce Springsteen
Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - The Crystals A Christmas Gift for You from Phil Spector
Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Eddie "Lockjaw" Davis Swingin' Christmas
Santa Claus Is Coming to Town - Ella Fitzgerald Ella Wishes You a Swinging Christmas
Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town - Frank Sinatra Christmas Songs By Sinatra
Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town (Q-Burns Abstract Message Remix) - Johnny Mercer & the Pied Pipers Merry Mixmas: Christmas Classics Remixed
Santa Claus Is Coming to Town - Jackson 5 A Motown Christmas
Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town - Lena Horne Ultra Lounge: Christmas Cocktails, Pt 3
Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town - Lou Rawls Christmas Will Be Christmas
Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town - Mariah Carey Merry Christmas
Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Peggy Lee Christmas Carousel
Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town - Mitch Miller & His Orchestra Holiday Sing Along With Mitch
Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Steve And Eydie That Holiday Feeling
Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town - Tony Bennett Snowfall
Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town - The Judds Christmas Time With the Judds
Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town - The Supremes Merry Christmas
Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Woody Herman Swingin' Christmas
Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town - Arthur Fiedler & Boston Pops Orchestra Pops Christmas Party

(Tomorrow: All "White Christmas")

Man vs Chimp

Don't want to spoil the surprise, but turns out the peanut gallery's a smart place to be heard from. (t/y Eduardo)

Arivaderci Lindsay

Lindsay Lohan wants you to think she's kicked cigarettes by walking all over town carrying that green box of nicotine replacement Ariva with the name clearly visible to the paparazzi. You've seen the shots. But just like when she carried those water bottles filled with vodka, it's all an act. She could in fact be using her body for product placement now; BritBoyLA says it's likely she's getting money from billionaire art dealer Andy Valmorbida to promote the product. Plus there are photos of her smoking real cigarettes in IHOP.

London 2007: The Highs, the Lows

Gee Corbett from World of Wonder's London office writes:

The HIGHS:

The Return of the Spice Girls: Victoria Beckham and her posse of Cavalli-clad pop puppets decided 2007 was going to be their year. The comeback video saw Mel C and Baby looking pissed off as Geri rolled around in nothing but a bra while Posh Spice cocked her legs in gaffer's tape bondage. Scary Spice frolicked around the floor and rubbed her groin. For a bunch of middle-aged, dried-up, vocally challenged, common slags, they sure know how to put on a live show. Posh pointed, Scary roared, Baby bounced, Sporty sported a sports bra and Ginger looked as desperate and uncomfortable as she always did. Thanks for the memories, now fuck off.

Pete’s PA: What was not to love. Plastic surgery masterpiece, pop icon, and generally daft dresser Pete Burns was looking for a PA. Bring on an assorted bunch of Britain’s craziest characters, lock them in a house together, set a few challenges, throw away the key, and wait for them to stab each other in the back. Genius.

Amy Winehouse: Ohhhhh the Winebag, so much talent, so much hair, and so little sense. My mother always told me "Drugs are for Mugs" and she had a point. Britain’s biggest talent may still be top of the charts, while her personal life is what tabloid dreams are made of. Get well soon Wino. WE LOVE YOU.

WOW’s new development team aka The United Nations: When America, Ireland, and Wales collided there was a creative explosion. Many ideas were simply ahead of their time. Jew-swish (Jewish gays doing something camp), Celebrity Death Race (tagline: What could be more tragic than dying to be famous), and Families (broad but brilliant).

Kerry Katona: The ex-Atomic Vomit singer and reality TV car crash gave us the best quote of the year: "Mum said it was sherbet and wiped it all over my mouth – it was speed."

After the jump: The LOWS

Ed Magaña's Friday Vid Bits

This week's clips feature Woody Allen closed-mouth for the sake of writers, a man whose penis is its own handjob, caroling cats dancing the hula in Hawaii, and an a cappela group doing a number on "The 12 Days of Christmas."

Warhol Dead at 21

Andy Warhol died at 6:21AM, the morning after he had surgery on February 21, 1987, 21 years ago. As his legacy continues into the 21st century, the World of Wonder storefront gallery will present "Warhol Dead at 21," a group art show dedicated to the artist and serving as a showcase for Warhol originals; modern Warhol-inspired paintings, photography, and sculptures; and original paintings by Warhol Superstars. The opening-night reception, "Night of a Thousand Warhols," at which guests will be encouraged to wear a silver fright wig provided by the gallery, takes place on Friday, January 11, from 8PM to midnight, with art unveilings, performance pieces, and readings by such Warhol Superstars as Mary Woronov (Chelsea Girls) and Holly Woodlawn (Trash), and an open bar sponsored by Svedka Vodka. Mark your calendar. More details to come.

Razzle Bedazzle!

Earlier this week, we asked you to tell us what you would bedazzle with a Bedazzler if you had a Bedazzler and we'd send a Bedazzler to you if we liked your entry. The deadline was today, so here are the best ones. A Bedazzler kit tis in the mail to each of the following:

The site of my first bedazzle would be that spot in the area of skin just beneath Madonna's right nostril where her mole (and her mustache) used to be. Thanks for your consideration.

– Prince Michael

With the holidays fast approaching, a needy college student like me could really use a Bedazzler: not to make sparkly clothes for my own selfish pleasure, but rather to create gifts for my family. Christmas is about sharing, about connecting with loved ones, and about coming together in a spirit of love and togetherness – so that, once a year, we can remember what is truly important.

This is why I would Bedazzle my family a matching set of 9-inch vibrating black dildos.

– Max Kuhn

Thank you for the opportunity to win a Bedazzler. Not only would it bring back fond memories of advertisements of yore, but it would also give me the opportunity to put some much needed glamour into the more mundane objects of everyday life.

For years I have been thinking of a way to bring that extra attention to my crotch. And judging by the products on the market these days, I have not been alone. Disappointed by the under performance of the "support Loop" of the CIn2 line, and not having the patience for someone to pull down my zipper to read "Lucky You" off my Lucky Brand Jeans, I think that bedazzling the zipper flap of my jeans will do the necessary trick. I will be able to add extra columns of dazzle for girth, extra rows for length, as well as make pointed designs and adornments.

Additionally, this being the election year, I feel that it's important that we express where we stand (or sit) on certain issues. We've all seen the "Juicy" signs across less then splendid female rears across Los Angeles in 2005. Why not bedazzle the political message of "Obama" across the glutes, to let your fellow Americans know exactly who's full of it.

These are just some of the uses I will be relying on my gift of the Bedazzler to effectuate. I thank you for the opportunity for both me and America to win this wonderful machine.

– Gary M Gekht

Right off the bat I'd Bedazzle a portrait of David Bowie on my favorite Levi jacket. I think his looks on 'Aladdin Sane' and/or 'Scary Monsters' would translate best in sparkle magic. Because I have very little artistic talent when it comes to rendering the likeness of a rock GOD in rhinestones, it'll probably look more like a day camp crafts project done by Corky from 'Life Goes On.' BUT I'LL know it's David. Oh yes. I'll know.

– Jimmy Donahue

Which One Is The Nottie?

Paris Hilton's starring feature, The Hottie & the Nottie, doesn't look like a Judd Apatow vehicle. Here's the trailer. We'll hold out for that opera she's shooting.

Trudie, Madly, Deeply

So we figure that when Sting starts flagging around hour seven of tantric sex with the wife Trudie Styler in the special red bedroom of their $24-million 18-room Manhattan apartment overlooking Central Park, all he need do is glance up for a moment at one of the tacky Helmut Newton photos on the walls to refuel his mojo and resume pumping vigorously. All we'd need do is remember for a moment that we're living in a $24-million 18-room Manhattan apartment overlooking Central Park. (via Daily Mail; photo: Splash)

Brit and the Real Girl

Britney's crowning moment has now been fashioned into a lifelike figurine by the good people at Vicale Corporation. At $39.95, it's probably not doable. But it's perfect for stuffing into a stocking. (via CityRag)

Christmas Music for the Obsessive-Compulsive

Tom Campbell writes:

I’ve discovered a way to recycle your dusty holiday CDs and iTune downloads of Christmases Past and create a whole new listening experience. Just burn full CDs of the one song, performed by a variety of artists. It’s not as annoying as it sounds. Instead, the mix becomes a kind of master class in the art of arrangements and vocal styling. Your holiday homework assignment: Compare and contrast “Silent Night” by Cyndi Lauper vs the Jingle Cats' version.

Silent Night - Bing Crosby All-Time Christmas Favorites, Vol. 1
Silent Night - Reba McEntire A Country Superstar Christmas, Vol. 3
Silent Night - The Blind Boys of Alabama Go Tell It On the Mountain
Silent Night - Stevie Nicks A Very Special Christmas, Vol. 1
Silent Night - The Impressions Soul Christmas
Silent Night - Ella Fitzgerald Ella Fitzgerald's Christmas
Silent Night - Aaron Neville 20th Century Masters - The Christmas Collection
Silent Night - Cyndi Lauper Digital 6 Pak Christmas, Vol. 1
Silent Night - The Three Tenors Christmas All Over the World
Silent Night - Dinah Washington Have Yourself a Jazzy Little Christmas
Silent Night - Mariah Carey Merry Christmas
Silent Night - The Supremes 20th Century Masters - The Christmas Collection
Silent Night - 42nd Street Carols For a Cure 2001
Silent Night - Elvis Presley Elvis White Christmas
Silent Night - Sarah McLachlan Wintersong
Silent Night - Mahalia Jackson The Christmas Album
Silent Night - Linda Ronstadt A Merry Little Christmas
Silent Night - Jingle Cats Meowy Christmas

(Tomorrow: All "Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town")

Quote Unquote

"It was very hot in the hotel and they had no air-conditioning. At 4 in the morning, I called the front desk and asked if they could send up a fan. The guy put me on hold, and came back and said, 'There are no fans.' We had this long confused conversation and finally he said he was sorry, but there are no women in the lobby. He thought I meant a groupie. Eventually I was able to explain to him that I meant a plastic thing that spun in the air." – technogeek Moby telling Baird Jones about a night in the Ukraine. (Page Six)

Itemizing

• Maddox plays with guns.
• Casey no rape case.
• Lindsay says "so what" to Jamie Lynn.
• Jessica Sierra says "me too."
• Nelly F weds Cuban BF.
• Women assault two football players.
• Christina chooses the scalpel
• 400 scientists: Global warming not manmade.
• Amy dolls up for Blake.
• Nepotist daughter not scared.

This Magic Moment

It might have been magician Criss Angel who used his illusion to temporarily saw in half the marriage of Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon. Witnesses in Las Vegas say Anderson spent December 8, the night before Anderson's final performance with magician Hans Klok, "cozying up" at the LAX club with the guy who's been known to fly and walk on water so making out with Anderson is like a pick-a-card trick to him. But when Salomon, who was in a poker tournament at another casino (remember he "won" Anderson in a poker game), found out about the two, he and Anderson had a huge fight, and she filed for divorce a few days later. "Their relationship is so volatile," said a friend of the couple. "I'm sure this won't be the last time she files, but nothing happened with her and Criss. They were just hanging out." So this time the magician really did have nothing up his sleeve. (Page Six; photo via Gossip Girls)

Metamorphosis

In the new movie Seventeen, now shooting in Santa Monica, Matthew Perry is a 36-year-old dad who wakes up one day to find he's become a homely 17-year-old girl in need of a makeover, played by Zac Efron, pictured. (Photo via JustJared)

Clothes Whores

Steven Corfe wins today's Clothes Whores prize not for his clothes but for his Hideo Wakamatsu white suitcase and Paul Smith carry-on. Corfe advises to "always buy the most expensive luggage you can't really afford, even if it means you have to fill it with cheap crap for the family Christmas."

Snap!

Rumer Willis had a date with a boy last night. Michael K at dlisted says, "For his sake, I hope he's blind."

Of Interest

David Beckham in Armani's underwear ad and David Gandy in Dolce & Gabbana's Light Blue fragrance ad

Loose Lips

The reason Michael Jackson looks like a freak in this widely circulated photo is not because he's weird; there's a very logical explanation: His lips burst open and collapsed when one of his two identically named sons accidentally smacked him in the face. Reports a source: "He was whacked in the face accidentally by his younger son Prince Michael II while playing around and part of Jackson's upper lip collapsed. That mishap led an hysterical Jacko to make a beeline for the plastic surgeon for a bit of quickie repair work." Could've happened to anyone. (Digital Spy)

The World from Here

Here's the youthful James St James in New York, circa mid- to late-'80s, go-going from room to room at the wonderfully grim afterhours club The World. Notice, please, James' glorious crown of swept-up hair, his fine firm ass, can't-look-away moves, and, standing outside at the beginning of the clip, the bald-headed beauty that was Dean Johnson. (Video by Nelson Sullivan)

He Wants to Be Her Boyfriend

An insider tells InTouch that Larry Birkhead has a crush on Britney Spears. Don't laugh. "I think Britney is sexy," the insider said he said. "Larry has a thing for vulnerable blondes – and no one seems more vulnerable than Britney these days." Or more fucked up. Which Larry also has a thing for in a woman. In fact, the women don't even have to be real blondes. Larry finds being a single dad somewhat challenging and, according to the insider who knows all about Larry, he's looking to date a single woman with children. And if the single woman with children happened to come with a parenting monitor and $750,000 a month, he could deal.

Rash Decision

"Miss Puerto Rico Universe was speaking the truth," a spokesman from the San Juan police department said yesterday. "She was being sincere about the allegations." After conducting numerous interviews, police are admitting someone did in fact spray Ingrid Marie Rivera's gown and bathing suit backstage during the ceremony, causing her to welt up and scratch like the dickens. The suspect turns out to be a pageant volunteer, not a fellow contestant. Police haven't said who the volunteer is or her motive, and the DA has yet to decide whether charges will be filed. The spokesman said the pepper spray, which also affected five pageant officials who handled the clothes, was probably applied when contestants and their assistants left the changing room. (People)

What They Do While You're at Work

We cannot stop laughing at Michelle Collins' 50 Animals with Day Jobs, like heart surgeon Barky Von Tailwag and his nurse Laura. 49 more await. (BestWeekEver)

The Naked and the Dread