September 16, 2006
21st-Century Vox
Kids can Suck and Lessons Can Be Learned
When we're young the world doesn’t seem so perfect, but it's true that as you grow up you can only remember the good times, or at least the times that seem good to you now. So I want to tell you about some of those things that happened to me. You know, the trials and tribulations that have molded me into the self-obsessed, neurotic, fame whore that I am.
Once, in fourth grade, I was deep in thought during a critical spelling test, and the word "island" had me totally perplexed. (Speaking of which, why is there an “s” in that word?) It was so important that I got the word right that I hardly noticed that Mary Keeling, the weirdo who sat in front of me and who had failed third grade like nine times, had turned around and was starring at me. Mary was about twice my size, but this was a test, so I told her to turn around. She subsequently picked her nose and rubbed a whopping booger on my desk. Being the stud that I am, I leaned over the side of the chair and puked all over the poor kid next to me. Twice. Funny now, not so funny then.
When I was seven, my brothers and sisters and I went trick-or-treating and we ran into the neighborhood bullies. My brothers and I were dressed as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and my older sister was in a white bunny costume. The bullies jumped us while we were walking up to a house, and my brothers and I were terrified. (They were big, dude! I swear) Well, my sister, who has no fear, beat the crap out of one of the dudes and they left us alone. When we returned home my mom was met at the door by three crying Ninja Turtles and a big white bunny soaked in blood. That’s a brilliant sight.
We were sitting around watching Dazed and Confused in college one time and had ordered Papa John's pizza. If you've ever ordered from there, you would have observed that along with the delicious grease-filled pizza they always include a nice hot pepperchini. Well, we were acting crazy and my roommate decided that launching the pepperchini at me would be great fun. It hit me in the eye, and let me tell you, IT BURNS! I ended up having to go to the emergency room, and I was fortunate enough to have to wear an eye patch for the next week.
Ah, the joys of being a stupid kid. Isn’t it weird how things that were so mortifying then seem so comical now?
OK, I have conspicuously left my discussion of the premier of Survivor until the end because I thought hearing about boogers, my bloody sister, and runaway pepperchinis would be somewhat more interesting than the actual show. I don’t want to go on any sorta rant, but I would like to point out some interesting facts of the show. First, I found it very interesting that most of the players, although I guess technically diverse, were so completely whitewashed that I couldn’t even tell that they were minorities. I mean, look at the picture and you tell me if you can see a lot of diversity. B, I love how the Asian Americans were great at the puzzle, the Latin Americans were the first group with tension, the white people were stealing chickens, and the black people had trouble in the water part of the competition. And 3, I LOVE that this is the first time in the history of Survivor that the three women were able to ban together – though they weren’t really in an alliance – to get rid of a male contestant. ATTENTION WHITE WOMEN: See how the African American women were able to overcome petty jealousy and work together toward a common goal? So if a woman ever does run for president, forget about how much you don’t like her hair or think she is too uppity – just support her. I think this is my first lesson from the show.
Now tell me about something stupid you did when you were a kid that seemed horrible at the time, but is now just a silly anecdote. BLOG HARD!!!
It’s always a business doing pleasure with you.
– Dylan Vox
Related entries:
- 21st-Century Vox: What You Wish For The other day,...
- 21st-Century Vox: So You Had A Bad Day Last...
- 21st-Century Vox: Hillary Clinton would be the best president...
- 21st-Century Vox: Testing Your Gag Reflex Wanna see something...
- 21st-Century Vox: Dylan Vox I’ve often been criticized on...
Comments
-- UrethraFranklin ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://worldofwonder.net/nav-commenters.gif)
| September 16, 2006 10:34 AM
OH WAIT !!!
I copied it in case Type key fucked up...as it does sometimes...so here it is YAY!!
You want stories babe?? Ive got some stories...
Lets see...there was the time I sat across from Craig during lunch in the first grade. He threw up in his plate of corn...I couldnt eat corn for 20 years after the fact. EEEWWW!! TRAMATIZED!! Lesson learned? Craig was a nasty boy!
There was the time that a woman showed up to pick up Melissa C. and Matthew C. from school to bring them home. She said she was my fathers secretary. So my older brother and I got in her car and she proceeded to take us home. She needed directions and as we approached the house she said "this isnt your house." And we looked at her like she was crazy, told her "yes it is...and theres our dad" who happened to be walking up as we pulled up. Then the look of horror on her face said more than her lips, "OMG I HAVE THE WRONG KIDS!!" Later that night my brother was in big trouble casue apparently my dad didnt have a secretary...Lesson learned?? My older brother is a knuckle head!!
The there was the time that THIS FUTURE TEACHER cheated her way thru the 4th grade cause she was to lazy to study. I had perfected my technique. I would go up to get a tissue or to ask the teacher a question and on my way up and back to my chair I would scan the test papers on everyones desk. Well one day, Jaimie wouldnt let me see his paper! So I walked up to the teacher and told her he was looking at my paper. Yeah I KNOW!! But on the way back to my seat I got the answer I needed off of Katies paper LOL. BOOYA!! Lesson learned?? As a teacher, I know what to look for in a cheater!
Then there was the time I tired to drive thru a flooded street. I thought the faster I go the better cause then ill be thru it!! WRONG!! I flooded out with my best firend and my dog in the car..and may I add I wasnt suppose to be where I was YIKES! So there I am in the middle of nowhere in my catholic school uniform flooded out...and these jerks pull up in a car, and I ask them if they can help us. They said "well honey you flooded out...theres water in your engine." And I, the DUMB TEENAGER, say "do you have a towel?" Well the comedic belly laughs insued and the jerks left me there!!! Lesson learned?? You cannot dry out a flooded car with a towel!!
There was the time my friends and I were cutting thru the cemetary to get to PE and we literally ran into some poor homeless guy who was jsut trying to sleep...but in our stupid 6th grade mind set we thought he had risen from the dead!! We ran screaming bloody murder back to school. Lesson Learned?? Sixth graders are STUPID!!
<3 Uree
-- UrethraFranklin | September 16, 2006 10:35 AM
OK...gather round children...the Rooster is gonna tell you a story. Jimmy, stop grabbing Lisa's garder-belt. Marion, you have your own crack-pipe, stop smoking Steven's.
Anyway, I was just a little Rooster when this happened...barely hatched. I think it was 1983, so I guess I was about 8 at the time. Stop doing the math asshole, I'm 31. Deal.
So, It was was easter...which as you can imagine, is a particularly confusing time for a rooster, but I digress. I was at the 7-11, the only store opened that day, adding to my ever growing collection of Garbage Pail Kids. Do NEVER test Messy Tessy. As I'm paying, I noticed, down on the floor, the picture sleeve/card holder portion of someone's wallet. Being a conduct disorder in training, I thought, "Score!"
When I got outside, I examined the sleeve more closely. Insurance card, video club card, random picture with cheesy background, EasyBank Card....wait, EasyBank. Hmmm.
Now, the story would be over now, if it weren't for one simple, yet pivotal flaw. In the last section of the sleeve, Othello (we'll call him) had written down the 4 magic numbers. Yes, he did. I know! He also title this slip of paper "money machine" or something like that. Serious Darwin material right there.
So I skip over the EasyBank, and, in words of Tupac, "it's time to get paid." Over the next week, me and my sister and various close friends would withdraw close to $2,000. We played every game in the local arcade to the point of perfection. I think I actually completed Dragon's Lair that week. Everyday was Pizza - and needless to say, I completed my collection of Garbage Pail Kids at record pace.
Yes, we got caught. No we didn't get arrested. Back then the whole ATM thing was pretty new around here, so the bank consulted with the account owner about what he wanted to do. For some reason he just wanted his money back, no reprecussions, no police. Now that I think about it, he was probably a dealer or something shady. Either that he was just a nice guy. But in my neighborhood, the former is much more likely.
So yes, I felt awful. I felt like my life was over at the age of 8. Back then I had a sense of guilt I guess. I figured we would be handed over to the police and sent to "juvy hall" as we called it. I'd spend my childhood there, and eventually end up living in some cruddy apartment, hitching rides to my shitty job at Pizza Hut.
Of course none of that happened. I'm 31 and now I can go to my own ATM machine and withdraw $2,000 to spend on crap. I can also play video games all day if want to, and often, I do. I don't work at Pizza Hut, nor do I even eat there.
I guess the lesson here kids, is that if you rob someone's bank account, make sure he's a drug dealer.
YCKTR
-- nosebleeds | September 16, 2006 12:08 PM
BTW - I'm liking this VOX guy.
More please.
YCKTR
-- nosebleeds | September 16, 2006 12:13 PM
I'm going to go to hell for saying this, so everybody let me know if you have any messages for Mike "Boogie" who made a deal with the devil to be recognized as a "Big Brother" all-star next to the true players of the game like Danielle, Janelle, and Will. In seventh grade, I fell asleep in the auditorium of my junior high school during an assembly in which a Holocaust survivor recounted her traumatic days in a concentration camp. If that wasn't bad enough, I was sitting in the third row of the auditorium where my History teacher could plainly see me with my eyes closed. I woke up knowing that time had past. I didn't know exactly how long I had been out for, but I sure as hell could take a pretty good guess how long I had slept when I saw how pissed my teacher looked. I knew then and there that this was the worst thing that I have ever done. In fact, that's the only time that I've ever fallen asleep in public. It's just you know when you encounter that perfect situation where the feng shui and the temperature of the room are just right to instantly fall asleep? Everything was set up perfectly, and I would have fallen asleep even if Aerosmith was on the stage with the speakers jacked up to level 10. I didn't get in trouble because I was pulling straight A's in his class and he knew that I was a good kid who never caused any trouble, but I punished myself when I felt a feeling beyond absolutely horrible after it happened. But now, thanks to Zoloft and Jose Cuervo (not together, of course), all of my deeply traumatic memories now seem far less menacing. Viva, Jose. Viva! After what I wrote last week, I can't wait to see if there are any response to this. I hope there aren't, though, because it's impossible for me to feel any more guilty about this than I have already felt.
-- RockMyReality21 | September 17, 2006 2:03 AM
^^^I see nothing wrong with your situation...try to let it go dear. BUT the BB statement threw me for a loop...is there a corelation here that Im missing? And in my opinion if you dare to walk into that house, anything is fair game...and if youre dumb enough to be played in that manner then you deserve it!
-- UrethraFranklin | September 17, 2006 5:46 AM
Sorry, Uretha. You're totally right... if you get into the house, you should absolutely have the creative freedom to do whatever you want to get the money, and if you get played along the way, you get what you deserve. But he only made it to week four in his season, while everyone else played the game until at least the final five. And I truly hate how Mike treated Erika in that house. If you haven't guessed by now, I'm a pessimistic asshole who needs to let go of his anger and negativity! Keep in mind, a lot of the time when I write, it's nothing but verbal diarrhea, so I suggest that people take what I say with a grain of salt... or perhaps even a truckload of salt. Take care.
-- RockMyReality21 | September 17, 2006 10:06 AM
Sorry, Urethra. Didn't mean to call you Uretha! It was a Freudian slip at its finest! :) Party on.
-- RockMyReality21 | September 17, 2006 4:30 PM
^^^No offense taken...*gets her groove on*
<3
-- UrethraFranklin | September 17, 2006 5:32 PM
I haven't gotten much done , but it's not important. Not much on my mind lately. Today was a total loss, but so it goes.
-- Pamela Anderson (PAM) pantieless | February 9, 2007 7:06 AM
SO VOX!! You gonna go get that enormous comment I just psoted that is now deleted?? Seems I really dotn feel like retyping that novel...
but I still love you <3