October 31, 2006
Celebrity Halloween Costumes
Steven Corfe suggests:
Oprah and Gayle: gym teacher and schoolgirl
Mischa Barton and Nicole Richie: hamburger and fries; Rachel Zoe: old hag (hat optional)
Sunday Bloody Sunday
Jeez, as if Bono weren't insufferable enough, word comes from England that US churches are turning U2 songs into hymns. Because of the band's Make Poverty History campaign, songs like "Angel of Harlem" and "If God Will Share His Angels" will join the lofty ranks of Handel and Bach. Boston's Episcopal Reverend Paige Blair started the "U2Charist" trend and it's been taken up in more than 150 churches across the country. But the rev wants it made clear that the church is not worshiping Bono. Bono already has that covered.
Halloween Tip #4
For next year, maybe. Something similar. You'll need time to get a job as an aircraft mechanic, become disgruntled, then steal parts. (Neatorama via Defamer)
Brad Boy
Is it just us, or does Brad always stay at least a few steps behind Angelina like a prince consort to HRH? Even in wax.
Morning Becomes Elaborate
Today's Matt 'n' Al, Ann, and Meredith. Who seems most uncomfortable? (Photos: Getty Images)
Quote Unquote
"I honestly think the media is a give-and-take. It's not that I can say, Completely fuck you. I could just only say, Halfway fuck you. But I know why they do it. It's because they're making a lot of money. So I can't be mad at you. I come from a place where people do a lot of things to make money. So I cannot be mad at them. But I like that real journalism. I like putting other people's words in a sentence and making people, like, their faces light up about it. Not frown. Light up." – Kevin Federline, from "I Didn't Realize How Much People Love to Hate Me!" in the New York Post
Ryan Not So Private
OK, so it wasn't Oscar what did in Hollywood's cutest sweetheart couple, but a dame. We shoulda known. Seems, according to a very recent National Enquirer story, that Reese came across some inappropriate BlackBerry emails that Ryan, apparently very interested in what goes on Down Under, had been sending to his Stop Loss costar, Australian actress Abbie Cornish. Reese read the personal correspondence after Ryan inadvertently left his BlackBerry in the bathroom and Reese did what any normal wife would do. PITNB posted this yesterday.
For Whooom the Bell Rings
This morning's Ring My Hell guests are a ghoulish bunch of WOW employees who will be parading their costumes through the dank, dark RMH torture chamber. Call 323 603-6312 between 11AM and 12PM Pacific to talk to them and see them live at ringmybell.tv.
Nick Carter Carting
This is not the house of Carters, it's someone else's. A friend of Nick's needed help moving into his new digs so the Backstreet Boy-turned-reality star lent a hand. Looking decidedly pudgy, with relaxed gut and no shoes, Carter later employed another hand christening his friend's new lawn. (Source)
October 30, 2006
Pumpkin Pitch
Here's a sad story on the eve of Halloween. Jacob Roloff, the little, non-Little boy on the reality series everyone's mom loves to watch, Little People, Big World, was injured Saturday night in an accident involving a pumpkin launcher. OK, so my heart goes out to the boy's family, but I carted a few pumpkins around myself on Saturday night, in nothing more dangerous than a plastic bag, and I still came away with two bruised toes. So whatever the hell a "pumpkin launcher" is, in my mind Kid + Pumpkin Launcher = Bad Situation. I wish Jacob a speedy recovery. (Source)
– Steven Corfe
Price Includes Grilling on Oprah
According to the eBay site where they're being offered, the best thing about adopting one of these cuddly felt-and-cotton polyfilled African orphans that are so popular nowadays, is that "you can even leave them in the car with the windows rolled up while you do Pilates!" (t/y Thairin)
Party Monsters
Saturday night was my Halloween costume party, something of a tradition now that there've been two. Freaks, cross-dressers, and WOWers (generally interchangeable labels) came out in force again to eat, drink, and smear chocolate on the walls (thanks, Augustus Gloop). It's Monday now and I'm left with nothing but memories, a Madonna-gap Sharpie stain on my teeth, and these fabulous photos by Alex Van Praag, Angel Jones, Angela Rae Berg, Chris McKim, and Geri Logan.
– Steven Corfe
More...Split Decision
Though he hasn't been named specifically, it's clear that the sudden separation of Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe, America's sweetheart couple, was precipitated by Reese's affair with another man, the same man who had similar destructive affairs with Hilary Swank and Halle Berry: Oscar. You know him, you love him (or at least that annual gala he throws), but he's trouble. No man can compete. Swank took him home and swiftly kissed Chad Lowe good-bye; Halle kicked Eric Benet out of her life to make room for the little dildo-shaped man. It's obvious that Oscar alienated the affection of Reese earlier this year when he praised her for her work in Walk the Line. We're just saying. That said, the official word today from their combined camps is this: "We are saddened to announce that Reese and Ryan have decided to formally separate. They remain committed to their family and we ask that you please respect their privacy and the safety of their children at this time."
009?
Dame Judi Dench knows talent when she sees it. On the set of the new Bond movie, Casino Royale, Dench, who continues her role as M, could see into secret agent 007 Daniel Craig's trailer, which was just opposite her own. One day she got a eyeful of his package as he was changing. "It's an absolute monster!" she told a British paper. "Maybe I shouldn't have said that. How uncouth of me!" Wethinks perhaps Miss Judi doesn't get out enough, but it's no secret that Craig enjoys – even suggests – getting naked in his films, and Casino Royale is no exception. (Source)
Previously: Posting Bond; Frontal, Full Frontal
Fire Cross
A sizable number of compromising photos of Marcia Cross were inadvertently thrown out by her and are now causing her to play the desperate housewife role off camera. The photos, presumably taken by Cross's husband, show the redhead in a variety of "nature studies," including showering outdoors in the nude and other pubic situations she would rather not have public. They're currently in the possession of an agent in Phoenix who represents the guy who snatched them up, so to speak, in the dump where his carting company delivered them along with Cross's other trash. Cross wants them back, of course, desperately; the guy wants to sell them to her, or to the highest bidder. Her lawyers claim she owns the copyright on them; the agent says, "We recognize the copyright issue, but US copyright law stops at the border." That, however, is the only thing that stops at the border: "She looks absolutely gorgeous," he says. "And yes, the carpet does match the curtains." (Source)
Pink Is the New Poo
Have you heard the radio ad for Pepto Bismol Max? It's an urban jingle sung by a Patti LaBelle soundalike. It ends with full-on wailing of the word "diarrhea." For real. I went online in search of the commercial, but all I found was the Pepto site, dedicated to diarrhea stories. Yes, people, dedicated to liquid pooh. The best ones win prizes, like Pepto-pink luggage to store, um, shit in. And, if you are suffering from creative constipation, they have sample stories – like the Super Bowel story – to help inspire writing duties. More importantly, if anyone can find the Pepto Max urban radio jingle, please share!
– Randy Barbato
The Crock Hunter
Questions, so many questions. Is Bill Maher dressed as the real Steve Irwin or the South Park Steve Irwin? Is it less tasteless if he's doing the South Park version? Is it funny either way? Has Maher been drinking? Do we wish it were a real stingray barb in Maher and that doctors were unable to save him? Has Maher been drinking?
Toilet Humor
Kate Winslet and Hugh Jackman make a grand entrance to the Flushed Away premiere in New York City by sliding down a huge inflatable loo. In the movie from the Wallace and Gromit people, they voice the characters of Roddy, a pet rat who who gets flushed down the john, and Rita, the sewer rat he meets in the muck. Winslet says she could relate to Rita, but Jackman doesn't think he has anything in common with Roddy. (Source)
October 29, 2006
October 28, 2006
21st-Century Vox
Name That Film
Have you ever been watching a movie and someone in it says something that you totally wish you had said? A lot of times I'll incorporate things into my everyday speech and forget where they came from. I thought it might be cool to write some of my favorite movie quotes here and see if you can tell where they come from. Welcome to the first episode of NAME THAT FILM.
OK, There's No Need to Be Sarcastic, Roger
Our current favorite commercial, meaning we're not yet sick to death of it.
October 27, 2006
Sitings: All Nick Edition w/ Photo
• Strange statues from around the world. Something nags at us that we've run this before, but what the hey. (t/y Nick)
• Alvin and the Chipmunks' Christmas song slowed down so you can hear the human voices of the original singers. Surprisingly, lethargy doesn't set in. (t/y Nick)
• And, saving the best for last, Whitney Music Box variations. Headphones and a bong hit suggested. (t/y Nick)
Thoughts on Hilary
Stream of consciousness as I watch this Hilary Duff paparazzi video.
• Wow. When did Hilary become such hot shit that she merits this kind of frenzy?
• Wouldn't it be great to have a large black bodyguard to fend off questions. I'd have mine interrupt my mother when she's gnawing my ear off on the phone. "DON'T ASK THOSE QUESTIONS MA'AM!"
• The poor lamb looks petrified at the airport. Maybe the flashes are burning her face!
• Oooh, isn't she thin now.
• Wouldn't it be great to have a large black man to hold my hand at the airport. Sigh.
• Why is the X17 cameraman under some illusion that he's not himself a "prick"?
• Love the German airport official on the escalator. "MOVE ATTA THA WAY!"
• Would Hilary Duff be a good Halloween costume? Kinda tricky.
• Would German airport official be a good Halloween costume? Kinda niche.
– Steven Corfe
Quote Unquote
"Saying something isn't ‘godly' really makes me sick, because I feel like if you think that God created this world and gave us our brains.... I know there are things that are bad and some things are sin, but I don't think God's up at night, pacin' back and forth, worrying about rock ‘n' roll. Well, maybe nü metal." – Revolution Church preacher Jay Bakker on his supposed reputation as a gay-affirming heretic. (Source)
Snap!
One of 101 things to do with the shell of a coconut when you're vacationing in Hawaii. (Photo by Ray Cochran, or it could be of)
Knight in Shitty Armor
Yes, we've all heard the awful claims Pamela Bach has made against David Hasselhoff, the constant wife-beating, the cocaine-sniffing, the adultery, the rages, the secret herpes, the incessant requests for threesomes, the hateful name-calling, the climbing into bed naked with the children, etc. But nothing is nastier than the recent revelation that he gets so drunk that he pees and poos in his pants. In court papers, Bach puts it this way: “The petitioner has abused alcohol and drugs for over 16 years and as a result is often intoxicated and either violent and uncontrollable or completely incapacitated. He frequently loses control of his bladder and bowels, urinating and defecating himself.” (Source)
Previously: Knife in the Daughter, It's a Hassle Being Hoff, A Hoff of Bother, Hooked on a Hoff, Hoff Makes Our Day.
The Basement Tapes
In 1999, WOW had a show on HBO called Naked Players Meet the People, in which real people encountered naked professional entertainers in certain sexually volatile situations, i.e. a mattress store, a condom giveaway at the beach, and in this clip a sperm bank. Unwitting participants answered an ad in the paper for sperm donors who would be paid $75. What they got was a tasty sex show to get them in the mood to make a deposit – courtesy of today's Ring My Bell guests, the Nellie Olesens. Sadly, the segment never aired, but this clip with its meant-to-be-only-temporary narration by Fenton Bailey refuses to be ignored. Have a little paper cup handy. (Watch here)
Madonna Make Benefit Borat
The other day on Oprah, Madonna came to the defense of the much-maligned Borat Sagdiyev (who in another guise was once her limo driver) and Best Week Ever editor Rob Vernola captured it on TiVo. (Watch here)
Halloween Tip #3
Finger tip, that is, haha. Seems cookie dough with almonds serving as nails will do the trick for the fingers, and the brain-food treat is panna cotta and pomegranate sauce in a Jell-O mold. Try this at home, kids. Recipes here. (via Gizmodo)
For Whom the Bell Rings
This morning's guests on Ring My Bell are the Nellie Olesens, a comedy sketch trio named after the uber-bitch on Little House on the Prairie. Call 323 603-6312 between 11AM and 12PM to speak with them, and be entertained watching them on the webcam at ringmybell.tv.
TransMission
Thairin Smothers, producer of WOW's moving doc TransGeneration, alerts the Report that the series' top trannie, Raci Ignacio, is featured on Linda Simpson's My Comrade blog. Simpson apparently found Raci looking, you know, racy on her MySpace space (see above).
Meanwhile, as a kind of footnote, here's a photo of Smothers with Amanda Lepore at an official Party Monster party. The picture was posted on Friendster back in 2002. That Smothers – always with the trannies, bless him. Um, what's a Friendster?
Girls Talk
The fabulous Jeri Ryan, who we figure has a tiny bit of her past worked into Amanda Peet's character on Studio 60, tells lad magazine FHM that most of her costars on Shark and elsewhere can't keep their eyes off The Girls, "as I refer to my boobs." She says that "within 30 seconds" of meeting her Shark costar, James Woods, he began commenting on The Girls, and they became a constant topic of conversation on the set, which doesn't seem to bother her. The magazine wondered it she and William Shatner talked about Star Trek when she worked on Boston Legal with him (she was Seven of Nine on Star Trek: Voyager). "Not really," she said. "He mainly talked about The Girls." (Source)
Grave Revelations
Fifteen audio tapes containing 20 hours of Linda McCartney's voice have now been tossed into the center ring of the McCartney-Mills divorce circus. Peter Cox, who co-wrote the first Mrs Macca's Linda McCartney's Home Cooking back in '89, has the tapes, which contain not only allegedly mount-watering vegetarian recipes, but also "dynamite" revelations about her marriage to the Beatle – revelations that Sir Paul will be doing his damnedest to keep out of court. The recordings of Eastman, who died or cancer in 1998, are "a private and emotional confessional," a source told a London paper. "She vents feelings which she'd not dared share even with her closest loved ones. She found the tapes cathartic." McCartney has, at least temporarily, prevented the tapes from going public, but if they enter the fray, Mills may finally get a leg up in the divorce proceedings. (Source)
Quote Unquote
"She bought a baby for God's sake. It's like getting a Louis Vuitton handbag. It's a crock of shit. If she wants to help the kid she should have got the father a little trade going, a fruit stand or something like that and built him a mud hut." – Sharon Osbourne commenting on the Madonna adoption, on the Howard Stern show. (Source)
October 26, 2006
Sitings
• Dogs in Halloween costumes with front-feet action. Always hilarious. (t/y Steven)
• The original Pong. We don't remember it being so hard. (t/y Ricardo)
• The insanely popular YouTube featuring the first four minutes from the motion picture, Borat. Worth another look. Click here.
• Classic American cuisine – squirrel, raccoon, opossum, and skunk – isn't just from roadkill anymore. Fire up the potbelly. (t/y Ricardo)
No, Seriously
Why didn't Madonna, a billionaire, give the dad some money so he could raise his son? If the reason that he couldn't care for his son was that he had to farm, isn't she just taking advantage of his economic situation? Why is the child more deserving of financial support (at the terrible cost of losing his remaining family and homeland) than the farmer who is a victim of drought or whatever? If we fall on hard times, should we be cast aside while the children we can't afford to raise are scooped up by the wealthy? Of course, the child will have a fabulously better life as Madonna' s child, but is being a rich celebrity's adopted child really the height of happiness? Just because it's what I fantasize about all the time? At least it increases the likelihood of a tell-all Mommy Dearest by one third. (Watch the clip)
– Clancy Cavnar
Little Suzy Stripper
UK supermarket chain Tesco has been told to stop selling one of its toys targeted at little girls. The £50 Peekaboo kit includes a flimsy garter, a how-to DVD, play money, and a chrome pole that extends to a length of 8' 6" and is similar to the pole professional strippers and lap-dancers use. The kit is advertised by Tesco as a product that will "unleash the sex kitten inside... Soon you'll be flaunting it to the world and earning a fortune in Peekaboo Dance Dollars." Peekaboo dollars aside (though they can really add up if you're good, we hear), it's a pretty sleazy item for five-year-olds. "Children are being encouraged to dance round a pole which is interpreted in the adult world as a phallic symbol," said a member of Britain's Family Focus, who likely still remembers the May pole dancers of his youth. (Source)
Word of Wonder
TiNo - (tee'-no) n. An unwatched television program saved on a TiVo or other personal video recorder; v. To not watch a television program saved on a TiVo or other PVR. Studio 60? That's a TiNo; I've been told I was right to TiNo Desperate Housewives this season. (Source)
Don't Dream It, Be There
And speaking of that Party Monster party in North Kansas City, Missouri, be there before it multiplies. Here's what you need to know if you're in the area on Saturday. It's at the VooDoo Lounge at Harrah's Casino, One Riverboat Drive, and starts at 9PM. DJs Bill Pile and Paul Matteo will be spinning until 2AM, and there's a $3,000 prize for best costume. (Jeez, all the real party monster, Michael Alig, ever gave away was $50 and an unwanted handjob, so times have changed.) For more info, go here.
For Whom the Bell Rings
Today's guest on Ring My Bell is Ethan Mechare, star of WOW TV's Cheap Fun With Ethan, VH1's Best Week Ever, and Hairapy spokesperson. Ooh, maybe he'll bring free samples. Call 323 603-6312 between 11AM and 12PM Pacific to ask Ethan anything, and watch him live on the webcam at ringmybell.tv.
Party Monstrosity #4
Last night was the 4th Annual Club Party Monster at the Music Box Theater in Hollywood, a night that gets bigger and crazier each year and is now taking off in other cities, like North Kansas City. (It's becoming Halloween's Rocky Horror.) Party Monster, both the movie and the shockumentary, played on a giant screen, mashed together with club-kid clips and Amanda Lepore jiggling her bitties thanks to VJ Thairin Smothers. Chris McKim, meanwhile, photographed the assembled cyber-punks, gogo dancers, and hot club messes. Spotted in the crowd were CSI's Eric Szmanda, Alexis Arquette, Ring My Bell guests Geoffrey Paris and Kelly Likes Shoes, fab portrait button designer Plasticgod, and a handful of James St. Jamesalikes. The real James meanwhile was unnerving in a splendid rictus grin mask.
– Steven Corfe
More...
Guard Doody
Sadly, we can't seem to find Osama, but we can do something about keeping our country's hotspots safe from the humdrum tedium of Lindsay Lohan. The government (or a movie producer) finally stepped in last night and sent military police to arrest the publicity whore at another tiresome event in Los Angeles. Developing. (Source)
Live to Televise
Madonna, currently being crucified in the press for stealing babies, has now agreed to "trim shots" of her mock crucifixion from the upcoming NBC special, and the press is on her back like a ton of mirrored bricks. Before you chip in your own two cents about whether she's a sell-out or being oppressed by the church-going masses, that doesn't really matter. Sure the girl has stuck to her guns in the past and defended her artistic integrity, in the face of religious condemnation and post-concert arrest, and sure she's proved to be a massive sell-out recently, with some pretty horrible ad campaigns tucked under her purple sequinned belt. She's a mass of contradictions, motivated by artistic expression and money – let's leave it at that. What interests me more is how NBC is going to get around the prickly issue of not showing a thorn-crowned Madonna on a giant cross for the entirety of "Live to Tell." The network has agreed to air the song, but will use "different camera angles." Now I saw the show twice at close range, and there's no getting around it – it's a big motherfucker of a cross. The rest of the stage is black. Are they going to pan round to the audience? Train the camera on her boots? I don't care how many camera angles they have (14, if you must know), it's going to be a strange segment.
– Steven Corfe
thisisaknife: Meet Donal's Parents
You may well have heard of Dishwasher Salmon, the tasty, energy-saving meal primarily f