June 30, 2006
Sitings
• Queer Republic makes T-shirts for the gays. Or, as they put it, "the GLBT peeps." I Heart Homos, This Bear Does Tricks, silly little fairy, etc. Sadly, though, the shirts don't have that visual panache one expects from the gays. (via Queerty)
• Here's a game with the brakes off. (via Evil TV)
• A melty animation from Nacho Rodriguez. (t/y Ted)
Snap!
Our friend, nightlife archivist Robert Coddington, sent us this photo from a recent studio session that Jayne County put together. The guy in the hat in the back, he tells us, is Don Bolles from The Germs and 45 Grave. Bolles helped set up the studio for Jayne's new side project Four on the Floor, featuring Cherry Vanilla (blue hair) and (front row, from left) Ginger Coyote, Holly Woodlawn, Jayne, and Constance. Coddington's promised to stop by the WOW Report suite soon with Jayne's recording of "We're the Transgeneration."
Literally, the Last Word, No Problem
We asked the staff at WOW to send the WR phrases, expressions, or words people repeatedly use that make them want to hit those people with a shoe. Here are some of the responses:
Need for speed
Follow your bliss
Exactly (when yes would do quite nicely)
Can you help?
Literally
That's so funny (when it's really not that funny and they don't get it)
Aspirational
Like
No problem.
You know
Whatever
Totally
Seriously
Ballpark me
At this point in time
It's all good
Everything happens for a reason
With all due respect
Let's bounce
Psych!
Combining names, like Spederline, Brangelina, TomKat
Tight
Red state/blue state
Ginormous
Ripoffs of the American Express "priceless" campaign (ditto "Got milk?")
Ya think?
Don't even go there
Bad hair day
You go, girl
Contributors: Michaline Babich, Kate Coe, Steven Corfe, Moye Ishimoto, Sara Kordy, Eduardo Magaña, Brett Shady, David Story, and SS.
Who-hah
What sweet Hollywood actress, who's been mentioned on this blog a couple of times, doesn't deserve to be saddled with her lowlife husband? She and he were dining the other night with the producer of the happy little film she's making and the producer's girlfriend. When our actress left to use the ladies room, hubby leaned over to the producer's girlfriend and asked – and not softly – "Is your cunt juicy?"
21st-Century Vox
Not Ready To Make Nice
A few years back when Shania Twain was still relevant in pop culture, the Dixie Chicks became a household name as a successful crossover country-recording group. The two tall blondes and the short chubby girl’s squeaky-clean riffs tore up the charts. It was like a fairy tale and almost too good to be true. And then a few words changed their lives. Natalie Maines denounced the President of the United States at a concert, and we all know how the snowball built into an avalanche. They were chastised by the country music community, threatened by their fans, and became the punch line for right-wing Republican jokes and martyrs for left-wing liberal causes.
In the midst of all the confusion, people seemed to forget that these were three girls who were expressing an opinion… nothing more. Well, the girls grew up quick, the chubby girl became a beautiful soulful woman, and the tall perky sisters became hard-core musicians. And now that their lives have changed, they still push to create music that reflects those new lives. "Not Ready to Make Nice" is the first hit from their new album, and it's about the struggle and acceptance that they have had to deal with during their life change.
America's Got Talent – Unless They're Ugly
Moye Ishimoto writes:
I know, we already discussed that America's Got Talent. Don't get me started on the XXX that the judges get to give out. Does it bother anyone else that the first thing that comes to mind when you see those three red X's is porn? Hello, XXX rating. Maybe they should have a show called America's Got Talent in Porn and we get to rate X's on how awesomely porn-ish Americans can be. On stage. In front of live audience. Oh my gosh, I need to write this down.
And, seriously, Brandy. Sit your ass down. For one thing, why are you wearing a ball gown on the show? This isn't the Oscars. Even Paula doesn't dress up as much as you do. Second of all, why are you even judging? What happened to you? First you're a teen pop singer, then you had that fake rivalry with Monica but you guys made up with that addicting song, "The Boy Is Mine" (which I still sing in my car. OMG, that part at the end of the video when the boy comes over and the door opens to reveal BOTH OF YOU? Best scene ever), then you had the baby on MTV, which I really thought was the cutest thing ever until I realized that the whole marriage to your husband was fake and you guys didn't even love each other anyway, because you just got knocked up and had to cover it all up, then you had that awful hairstyle with the bangs. And now you're trying to make a comeback. But on this show? It's not working. No one can take you seriously.
More...Hicks' Hot Licks
Last night I went to the Wiltern to see Widespread Panic, and you'll never guess who was there. Unless you guess Taylor Hicks. Which you might if you read my previous post. My roommate came back from the bar in the Wiltern and told me he'd seen Taylor Hicks there. I joked that no way would I be seeing Mr American Idol at two concerts in a row. But of course two seconds later I saw that shiny gray hair pass by. I turned to my other friends, told them the Robert Randolph story, and proclaimed how we'd see Hicks play soon. But he didn't come out on stage till the encore, and with little fanfare. The band didn't introduce him, but all of a sudden there was a new sound, a harmonica, and a gray-haired guy on the side of the stage playing it. He blew that harp with pure blues gusto. I was standing much closer then I was at the Greek for Randolph, so I could see the way Widespread was watching him play and letting him lead the jam. They let him unleash, and the crowd went nuts – and I don't even think that crowd had a clue who he was.
– Jason Bryan
Horse Maneuver
Madonna shot an amazing series of equine pics for both the launch of her Confessions tour and a special issue of W magazine. Here's how the mag explained it:
As any equestrian worth her jodhpurs can tell you, the relationship between a woman and her horse transcends the boundaries of sport. There's often lovesick devotion involved (witness the bedroom walls of many twelve-year-old girls, where photos of Arabians crowd out the boy-band posters) and at times even a touch of the erotic (Lady Godiva, anyone?). When the woman in question is Madonna, one can expect the dynamic to get even more complicated. All of this was made clear when the 47-year-old, an avid horsewoman, took to a Hollywood sound stage with six stallions and photographer Steven Klein.
But what most fans don't know is that Madge also had plans to release a video on the same theme for her next single. No word on why the concept was abandoned. But we found some footage in our basement that may in fact be from that horsey video Madonna scrapped. Or it could be from a 1996 episode of the Shock Video series WOW ran on HBO. We can't remember which. (Watch the clip)
For Whom the Bell Rings
"Everybody loves puppets!" says Tammy Faye in this NSFW clip put together by our mix-mash-master Eduardo. Admittedly, the puppets Tammy had in mind were probably not the 12" knife-wielding Charles Manson or uncut malleable penis kinds, but they are puppets nonetheless, are loved, and are included in the clip to announce Friday as PUPPET DAY on Ring My Bell.
Snap!
Rocco, 5, and Lourdes, 9, play ball in Central Park. So cute. They look like miniature versions of Guy and Madonna, which of course they are. In other news, Madonna has decided she wants to direct. (via Hello!)
Confessions of a Hollywood Extra
OK, I am the most embarrassingly retarded person in the world. Three weeks ago, I worked on My Super Ex-Girlfriend as a drag queen, and I snapped a pic with Anna Faris. BEFORE I took the picture, this bitch named Rebecca told me that ANNA was MENA-fucking-SUVARI. I went up to Anna and I started my conversation with, like, "Hi MENA! I am such a huge fan of yours!" Thank GOD I didn't say "I loved you in American Pie." Anna never corrected me, so either she didn't notice or thought I was a total freak weirdo. (I sure as hell looked like one that day.) I called her Mena at least three times in our brief conversation. I have not written another blog item or left my house since, because I have been too goddamned embarrassed.
The Revolution Will Be Televised
Last week I read a post by Robert Scoble called Screwing the Long Tail. The gist of the post (though you should read it) is that "user-generated content" screws the user, that companies are making money off all your hard work by placing ads around your content.
You see, lots of people out there think that you're gonna do all the hard work and donate it to companies so they can put advertising next to it. Only you don't get to keep the money from that advertising, no no no. You don't understand your place in this world, do you?
It would be like WOW doing our shows out of love, and the networks not paying us. Yeah, that wouldn't fly with us, so why should it fly with you?
A while ago, when we were first talking about what would become WOW TV, we had a similar conversation among ourselves. We didn't feel good about slapping ads all over someone else's channel, their work. It just seemed to be in such bad taste. Instead we decided to do something that some might think is a little crazy: We're charging for each channel. Not a lot, but enough that we won't need advertising to stay afloat and your channel really will be yours.
But we wanted to go even further, to let users make money. On WOW TV anyone can sell one of their videos, for whatever price they want. Yes, the vast majority of the money will go to them, not us.
They will figure out they are getting screwed and they'll move elsewhere as soon as there is a choice.
– Tom Wolf
BURNS UNIT: SPECIAL REPORT
Yes, Perez, Pete Burns is a free man and he's in our clutches.
WOW has been filming his every move since his eviction from the slammer, after a mystery donor stumped up the cash. Pete was detained at Her Majesty's pleasure for a shocking total of 60 days, though with all those horrible grunts around it "felt like an eternity." As Pete pointed out as he was sped away from the gates of Wandsworth Prison, hidden from paparazzi by the tinted windows of a 4X4, "some murderers and rapists get less time than that." What Pete was in there for in the first place is totally beyond our comprehension, but we are sure to get to the bottom of it.
Pete's got to stay outside the perimeter of London's M25. No, we didn't know such a place existed either. Is it like Narnia? Anyway, thank goodness for the rural and adoring fan who wrote to Pete in prison offering support and is now making him breakfast in bed.
Next up, Pete returns to london with special dispensation to get some cosmetic tune-up.
– UK team
Starry Starry Night
Now that was great TV! Is Star pyscho? Is Barbara psycho? Is Larry psycho? Is everyone psycho? I had pen and paper and kept track of how many times some key words were used:
LARRY / STAR
4 / 6 --- FIRED
0 / 2 --- (MY) BOOK
1 / 0 --- DIVA(S)
3 / 12 - CONTRACT
0 / 8 --- PROFESSIONAL
1 / 11 - VIEWERS (translation: fans)
1 / 5 --- TRUTH
0 / 2 --- CIRCUS
1 / 3 --- AGENT
0 / 1 --- CATFIGHT
0 / 1 --- SHINE (as in, I will continue to shine)
1 / 0 --- WHEW (as in, That was hard work, I hope Barbara still likes me!)
– Randy Barbato
Share The Shame
Even secretaries of state must want to snitch on the absurdities of their boss. Perhaps Condi could register on PA Secrets, where PAs and secretaries from the top end of industry reveal all about their seedy superiors.
– Cat McShane
June 29, 2006
The Izzard King
As I sat down with some WOW colleagues to watch Eddie Izzard perform his untitled work in progress at the Coronet Theatre last night, there was a feeling of leathery Jewishness in the air. Then I realized we were just staring at Gary Shandling trying to find his seat. When Izzard took to the stage (sans his usual dress and eyeliner) the crowd went wild. The next hour and a half passed too quickly and his topics ranged from the caste system of honey bees to intelligent design (or lack thereof), and then back to honeybees. Oh yes, and lots of talk of monkeys and horses.
I was sad to see my favorite rule-breaking comedian shed his iconic transvestite garb for a more "LA pilot season" look (he looked like an English Jeff Foxworthy), but regardless of what he is wearing, you always seem to want to listen to Eddie. He is definitely my favorite Brit transvestite comedian (second only to Fenton Bailey, of course). In the words of Loren Roberts (who doesn't want his name mentioned), "He made me laugh so hard, now I know what women with cramps must feel like," and that's something everyone wants to feel.
– John Hill
Truth, Justice, and the American Gay
Last night I lined up with every other queen on the block to see Superman Returns, and we weren't disappointed: it's the gayest movie of the summer! Here's my 2 cents:
KEVIN SPACEY: The campest Lex Luthor ever, full of queeny lip curls and bitchy sarcasm.
Rating: GAY GAY GAY
PARKER POSEY: Steals every scene she's in in a whirlwind of fur and pearls, with a fluffy Pomeranian clutched permanently to her breast.
Rating: PRETTY DAMN GAY
BRANDON ROUTH: Never mind speculation over the actor's sexuality; visually the new Superman is the queerest thing this side of Krypton. With thick foundation caked on his chiseled face and cheap blue Claire's Accessories contact lenses (this movie has the NASTIEST makeup), you half expect Superman to get frosted highlights in his trademark black lacquered hair at any moment.
Rating: GAYER THAN A CLAY AIKEN CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
THE BULGE: All post-movie talk was of the digitally de-bulged red Y-fronts, so expect "I've been digitally de-bulged" to become the new "it's cold in here" for short-cocked men of the world.
Rating: DOES THIS YELLOW BELT LOOK TOO GAY?
VERDICT: Superman is gayer than your gay uncle in Gaysville. Go see!
– Steven Corfe
(Now read this)
The Podcast Wears Prada
Is James in a bad mood? He says no. The gentlemen, Randy and James (Fenton's abroad), are very complimentary regarding each other's shorts. Jared Paul Stern, the discredited journalist, has a Skull & Bones fashion line featuring a skull-&-bones logo. Randy has seen The Devil Wears Prada at its premiere. Fenton's disembodied voice is heard telephonically from London, excited about Noel Coward's Hay Fever starring Judi Dench. The Star Jones vs Barbara Walters controversy gets voices raised. "You don't fuck with Barbara Walters!" screams James, which is exactly why Randy finds himself feeling a bit sympathetic toward Star, because standing up to Barbara makes her fabulous. Discussion heats up, cools. Will Al Reynolds stick with Star now? More Devil Wears Prada. Has Britney endangered her fetus by dying her hair black? Nicole's virginal wedding. Hyman reconstruction surgery, courtesy of Moye. David Hockney at LACMA. Fenton allows that "big lavish bitchy evil women who swish around" are his favorite characters. "Hips Don't Lie" by Shakira, James has discovered, is the most-played song in the entire history of radio. Talk turns to wieners, as it will when the Pod Squad convenes. Are we losing commercials, "the cultural billboards of our lives," because of TiVo? JK Rowling and her important press conferences to announce her killing off characters. The one moment of brilliance in your life. Will Heather Mills be shot?
Plaid in Full
You'd think that after over 20 years – we're assuming – of doing so, Paris Hilton would have learned how to walk, especially since 15 or more of those years have been spent walking the red carpet under the cool appraising lenses of photographers. But here she is in Scotland to talk on a radio show and she's so swaybacked and pigeon-toed it looks like she's walking into a fierce sou'wester. That plus her lazy eye gives us a bit of the vertigo. Wait, there's more. Seems she tried to get a corporate discount on her $310 room at the Glasgow Hilton, but the reservations clerk said, "There is no discount I can initiate, I'm afraid," probably with a brogue. At a HILTON HOTEL. (via PopSugar)
A Light in the Piazza
An inmate serving four years in a Pakistani prison for the Muslim crime of making liquor, says he woke up in his cell last week with a lightbulb up his ass. He doesn't know how it got there, but suspects he was drugged by either another prisoner or a policeman. It took doctors 90 minutes to remove the object yesterday. "We had to take it out intact," said Dr. Farrukh Aftab at Nishtar Hospital. "Had it been broken inside, it would be a very very complicated situation." "Thanks Allah," said the patient. "Now I feel comfort. Today, I had my breakfast. I was just drinking water, nothing else." Oh, and doctors don't believe his story of how it got there. And no word on whether the bulb was a 3-way. (t/y Moye)
A Case of Roseola
Remember how Rosie O'Donnell penned "everybody breathe / madonna / 2 nite" on her r blog yesterday? Well, she's a man woman of her word. And Jossip ran into Rosie at Madonna's Confessions concert stop last night at Madison Square Garden. (She must travel the country seeing Madge shows, like Deadheads follow the Grateful Dead: She was front and center at Madonna's opening night here in LA.) And she was breathing.
"She was there with wifey Kelli Carpenter," reports Jossip, "and outfitted with a total-access press pass, lugging around an enormous SLR camera – we went for the jugular. 'So what's up with Star Jones?' we asked. 'I'm not at liberty to discuss it,' Rosie replied with an exaggerated wink and nod."
Moments later, when asked whether she was upset she won't get to cohost on The View with Star, she said coyly "Well, you know how much I like her, [but] she thinks she's Beyoncé."
For Whom the Bell Rings
This morning's guest on Ring My Bell is Dylan Vox, blogger, ex-porn star, and host of Spunk'd. Dylan has also just landed a regular spot on Dante's Cove. Call him at 323 603-6312 beginning at 11AM PST to ask him anything. And watch live at ringmybell.tv.
The Runaway Pride
"Oh my god we have to talk!" Christine Ebersole, star of Broadway-bound Grey Gardens, wrote in an email to her friend Ray, posted on his website, The Bent Post. "My float was saved by two seven-feet tall queens in raccoon drag." She's talking about her participation in New York's gay-pride parade. "The float left without us and we were all running down Fifth Ave, me in my girdle, fishnets, leopard skin swimsuit, and my nun's habit, holding two loaves of wonderbread, with these seven feet raccoon gals in nine-inch patent leather fur clad platform boots behind me, running with two-by-four foot Styrofoam wonderbread slices under their arms... running right past St Patrick's cathedral, trying to catch the float that was four blocks down the road. A moment I will NEVER forget. I will have photos shortly." We're so envious of Ray.
Kat and Matt
Gossip Janet Charlton, on her new Janet Charlton's Hollywood blog, reveals that Kathy Griffin's Bravo reality show, My Life on the D-List, is not exactly a paragon of reality. Big surprise. Seems that although Kathy filed to end her four-year marriage to computer consultant Matt Moline in September, the divorce never came to fruition and Kathy claimed the two were working it out. But they really aren't and Moline has moved into his own place. But for the sake of her show, he gets up really early and arrives at her fancy mansion before the camera crew gets there and pretends to be living with her. That sounds like a marriage that will last.
Cockfight
Tommy Lee was using the little boys' room (that's funny, 'cause Tommy's not little) at Hollywood boite Bella last night, when handsome Josh Duhamel had the urge to point Percy at the porcelain himself. Seems Tommy was taking a long time (get it?) so Josh banged on the door to express his urgency. When told who was in there, Josh said "Who cares?" which Tommy apparently heard and bolted out of the toilet and either punched Josh, causing him to fall to the floor, or pushed him, causing him to fall to the floor. Scuffle scuffle and Josh was kicked out. Or simply left. Either way, he never got to pee. Now Tommy's spokesperson (why can't we have one of those?) claims Tommy stayed to finish his dinner and Josh was evicted. Josh's mouthpiece says nothing like any of that occurred. Bella's publicist, however, says the fracas was personal, and without mentioning the men's room at all, claims the two stars "got into a pushing match in the middle of the restaurant. Fergie's name WAS mentioned in the beginning [...] Josh was escorted outside, Tommy stayed inside and finished his meal." (Three sources, one plain, one fancy, one really different)
thisisaknife: Budgies and Balls
The budgieman is a living legend. That's all we really need to say about this week's thisisaknife, except maybe to tease you that in today's episode, Donal also gaffer-tapes himself to a strapping young lad.
Fruitball Fanatic
Amrat Parmar, 64, from Leicester, has been inspired by the World Cup to carve three England players onto melons. "I took a woodcarving course and someone asked me if I had tried carving melons, and when I tried it, they came out really good." Parmar has displayed his work in pubs, but the fruit only lasts a week. Retiring next month, he hopes to expand his repertoire to include the pretty faces of brides (and their grooms), who would surely make cracking pairs of melons.
– Donal Coonan
June 28, 2006
R Is Just a One-Letter Word
Really, when all is said and done, will it be Rosie O'Donnell, in that big-boned way she has of seeing things, who will put all the back-and-forth in perspective? And in verse? We think maybe. The last few lines of my view, the latest, er, poem on her website, r blog, are these:
2 day
after my shrink
i drove past abc studios
there were camera crews
waiting
drama is as drama does
everybody breathe
madonna
2 nite
Getting Blade
Director Wakefield Poole explains in the clip from Inside Deep Throat we posted below that before Linda Lovelace and Deep Throat came along and changed everything, giving a blowjob used to be called "hilting" – as in taking it to the hilt. In honor of that charming old-school expression, we give you this website to explore: Sword Swallowing, a comprehensive history of the art of taking it to the hilt. And check this out.
Two Views
The peak moments from yesterday's and today's The View. First Star, then Barbara. You decide.
The Best Job in the World
Head. Fellacio. Souffler. Christopher Hitchens explores the history of the blowjob, in a breezy, deliciously informative (and personally researched?) piece in this month's Vanity Fair. Yes, he gives props to Inside Deep Throat, which we appreciate, and there are also lots of mots that are very bon sprinkled throughout. We're particularly fond of this one:
My friend David Aaronovitch, a columnist in London, wrote of his embarrassment at being in the same room as his young daughter when the TV blared the news that the president of the United States had received oral sex in an Oval Office vestibule. He felt crucially better, but still shy, when the little girl asked him, "Daddy, what's a vestibule?"
And of Inside Deep Throat, he writes:
The recent and highly amusing documentary Inside Deep Throat shows – by re-creating the paradoxically Nixonian times that re-baptized Deep Throat to mean source rather than donor – how America grabbed the Olympic scepter of the blowjob and held on tight. In the film, there is the preserved figure of Helen Gurley Brown, den mother of Cosmo-style journalism for young ladies and author of Sex and the Single Girl, demonstrating her application technique as she tells us how she evolved from knowing nothing about oral sex to the realization that semen could be a terrific facial cream. ("It's full of babies," she squeals, unclear on the concept to the very last.) In closing, Dick Cavett declares that we have gone from looking at a marquee that read DEEP THROAT, and hoping it didn't mean what we thought it did, to "kids who don't even consider it sex." This would leave us with only one problem. Why do we still say, of something boring or obnoxious, that "it sucks"? Ought that not be a compliment?
From Monica In Black and White to Inside Deep Throat we have spent a long time thinking about blowjobs. Christopher's piece inspired us to pull some exclusive out-takes of director Wakefield Poole (Boys in the Sand), author Gore Vidal (Myra Breckinridge), and editor Helen Gurley Brown (Cosmo) from Inside Deep Throat. (Watch here)
Mustoman
Regarding the new Superman movie, which we'll all be seeing after work tonight, Michael Musto tells us in his latest La Dolce Musto column in The Village Voice, that
the company that digitally youthened some of X-Men 3's characters for the opening sequence was also assigned to de-bulge BRANDON ROUTH because his crotch was so distracting, it looked able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Sort of like when King Kong's snaggletooth took attention away from NAOMI WATTS and JACK BLACK. Anyway, I saw the movie and Superman might not be gay, but he's definitely Jesus. Discuss.
And if we had a Headlines We Wish We Had Written Department, it would probably consist entirely of Michael Musto-created pearls. He titled his deconstruction of The Devil Wears Prada "In a Prada-Da-Vida."
The Other Hilton
Perez Hilton at Perez Hilton.com has some words of advice for troubled Star Jones Reynolds: "Be careful, Starzilla," he says. "Don't turn to food for comfort. Big Gay Al is your partner and best girlfriend. Go shopping together. Go get manicures. But, don't go pig out, which is exactly what [you] did on Tuesday after [your] abrupt departure from the show." And the advice accompanies this photo of Star and Al pigging out.
Meanwhile, in a rare interview, the self-appointed Queen of All Media aka Mario Lavandeira practically eats the andPOP interviewer's microphone as he dishes to her in a Toronto hotel, where he was lodged during the MuchMusic Video Awards. His ride to the top of the blogpile, speeding ahead of the heavy traffic on the gossip interstate, has taken him only nine months, and now his latest venture is to conquer TV, he says. But he's not pursuing that goal through the usual channels, so to speak. "I wanted it to come about, so I had a concept for a show and I auditioned production companies," says he to her. "I met with people that did a bunch of reality shows, but I ended up going with this great production company called World of Wonder. They've done Show Biz Moms & Dads, The Eyes of Tammy Faye, Inside Deep Throat, Party Monster, so they do these cool, campy, queer, edgy, fun stuff."
What? Wait, that's us! Now we're intrigued. What'll the show be like? "It's a hybrid show, so it's got elements of some of my favorite other reality shows. It's a little bit Real World, a little bit Surreal Life, a little bit Punk'd all rolled into one."
Women: Ban This Filth!
This British politician is leading a petition by feminist campaign group Object for lads mags like Nuts and Zoo, lifestyle magazines (ahem) that feature pretty much 100% coverage of tits and ass, to be banished to the top shelf alongside more hardcore neighbours. Their teenage boy readership won't be able to reach these "repulsive" and "degrading to women" publications up there, at least not without causing a right old scene. Doesn't she remember being young, full of hormones and needing a nudie fix? The porno debate gets my knickers in a twist every time. I've read all the books and I'm still no clearer which side I'm on. But having an investigative quick flick myself the other day, I came to the conclusion she had about as much chance of controlling the desire of teenage boys as I do of winning the weekly "look at my girlfriend's knockers" competition, i.e. not very likely but an interesting idea.
– Cat McShane
For Whom the Bell Rings
This morning's guest on Ring My Bell is Jenny Shimizu, the Calvin Klein model who lists Madonna and Angelina among her previous (and allegedly on-going) lesbian flings. Watch your back, Brad. Call 323 603-6312 beginning at 11AM PST to ask her absolutely anything. And watch live at ringmybell.tv.
The Sound of Silents
We're always puzzled that celebrities vomit anectodotes to "Webster Hall's Baird Jones," as he's called when quoted in Page Six, as he is today. We can only surmise that Jones is paid by Manhattan's bridge-and-tunnel nightclub to promote the venue's name, since no celebrity has been spotted there since the '80s. Whatever. Developing. Anyway, Patricia Arquette apparently caught up with Jones at the new Le Cirque and revealed to him the details of how Thomas Jane, "the most romantic man in the world," proposed to her. "It was in a public movie theater, and we were watching Charlie Chaplin's silent film Limelight," she said. Somehow he had edited into the film a scene of him asking Arquette to be his wife. "When I saw him on the screen proposing, I said 'Yes! Yes!'" she said. "I had no idea." She must have had some idea something was off. Limelight, Chaplin's 1952 movie costarring Claire Bloom, is in fact a talkie. Didn't she wonder why their lips were moving but there were no title cards?
The Blindfold Test
Hey WOW! As the one gay producer on GSN's I've Got a Secret,I wanted to share a YouTube vid from a show we did featuring former Weather Girl, Martha Wash.
The panel is all gay, as you may already know. The executive producers weren't sure if the panel would readily know who Martha Wash was, making them unable to decide if they needed to be blindfolded for the segment. Naturally, as they always did with segments of this nature, they came to me, the resident homo in the office. I politely informed them that, yes, the panel, being all gay, would have to be babbling idiots if they didn't know Martha, so we did it with blindfolds.
As you can see, I was right. At about the three-minute point, we got a reaction from Jermaine Taylor that only a true gay man can give. This had to be the most genuine display of gay affection on television I think I've ever seen. It will truly put a smile on your face. (Watch it here)
– Gary Green
A View to a Kill
Star Jones Reynolds will not be appearing on The View today – or possibly ever again. The shit has finally hit the fan.
The suits at ABC have wanted to axe Star Jones Reynolds from the hen party that is The View for a very long time, after research showed Viewers were becoming less and less enamored of the formally fat egomaniac, but head hen Barbara Walters wanted to protect Star's feelings through the delicate and protracted removal process. "They wanted us to tell Star in December," Walters says in a New York Times piece today. "I said, 'I won't do it before Christmas.' Then in January her book was coming out. I didn't want to hurt her book. Then she told me in February she was having an operation. I didn't want her to go under the knife with all this stress." But now that Reynolds has jumped the gun, announcing on the show yesterday instead of tomorrow that she would be leaving, and simultaneously telling People that she felt she'd been fired, Walters has removed the kid gloves and put on the latex pair so as not to get viscera on her hands as she tears Reynolds apart. "I love Star," she told the Associated Press yesterday, "and I was trying to do everything I possibly could – up until this morning when I was betrayed – to protect her."
June 27, 2006
Sitings
• This is kind of cool in an unnecessary way. You don't need it and after two or three minutes it's not that interesting. It's the Bar Code Clock.
• Fisting as an act of faith. Apparently, the bible wants you to fist. But first, "Before attempting fisting, a Christian husband and wife should pray together and ask for divine guidance. The husband should ask that God guide his hand and work through him, and for the skill and patience to fist his wife correctly and maximize her pleasure. The wife should pray for openness and readiness to receive God’s love and grace in the form of her husband’s hand." (t/y Beau)
• In case of fire or earthquake. (t/y Nick)
• The re-edited voice of Michael Jackson places a prank call to the newsroom at a TV station. "Can I stay with you tonight? What's wrong with sharing a bed?" Other prank calls here.
• What do you get when you cross an instructional video with a Harlequin romance model? You will believe it's butter. Click here. From the people who brought you Jerry v Jerry. (t/y Ted)
• In the event of an emergency landing. (t/y Nick)
Recently Dead
No, not Kelsey Grammer. He's still got a couple more sitcoms left in him. It's Eddie, Frasier's scene-stealing Jack Russell terrier, who's real name was Moose. He died last Thursday of old age at 16 and then some. Moose, a rescue dog, played Eddie on the sitcom's first 10 years, then his son Enzo took over the role. Moose and Enzo worked together in My Dog Skip and Moose posed for the covers of Entertainment Weekly, TV Guide, and Life among others. "He had an incredible charisma and was such a free spirit," said his trainer.
Rush to Judgment
There's more to the Rush Limbaugh story than was reported, writes our SF pal Quartknee. Like what was he doing in the Dominican Republic? "Apparently the Dominican Republic is known as a 'sex tourist' destination – obviously it's for straights because that news just made it to SF," says Quartknee. "Anyway, a guy phoned into Rush's radio show to ask him about his two day trip to DR and his return with vitamin V. The guy posted a recording of the conversation on his Calling All Wingnuts blog." Click here to listen to it.
The Hands of Time
Jeez, women can't cut a break. It's just been revealed that research shows mammograms used to detect tumors in the breasts can actually increase the risk of cancer. And no matter how hard women may work their abs and biceps to achieve iron-like magnificence, there are no exercises for the hands, which will always give away age. Photographed yesterday as she left a gym, a muscular Madonna, a mere 47, "displayed hands that appeared to be ravaged by age, with bulging veins and paperthin skin that wrinkled as she clutched a bottle of mineral water," reports the UK's Daily Mail.
Kitlers
Back in the 1970s, porn star Linda Lovelace had a cat that looked so much like Hitler that she named him Hitler. After being featured in the WOW Inside Deep Throat doc, Hitler the kitty (see above), rest his soul, became a posthumous star. In some circles, anyway. Now, 30 years after Lovelace started the trend, cats with Hitler mustaches are everywhere. We call them Kitlers. See lots more Nazi pussy here and here.
This Crime Could Lead to Hard Time
Rush Limbaugh was detained by customs officers at Palm Beach International Airport yesterday after his private plane arrived from the Dominican Republic and one of his bags was found to contain a bottle of Viagra that wasn't prescribed to him. It's a second-degree misdemeanor to possess Viagra without a prescription. Who knew? It's for getting hard, not high. Investigators at the airport confiscated the pills, of course, and Limbaugh was released without being charged. The radio host's lawyer said that the ED meds were intended for Limbaugh but had been labeled as belonging to his physician – "for privacy purposes." But if he'd just flown in with bottles of Rush, which some people swear has the same effect as Viagra, there would have been none of that fuss at the airport.