July 31, 2006
Sitings
• Air hockey over a distance. Seems like a lot of trouble and expense, but you could at least check it out if someone went to all the trouble and expense to invent it. (t/y Todd)
• Sex advice from '90s icons. That includes Dustin Diamond. (t/y Eduardo)
• Rumble Ball, another game via our techie Ted's website. Be sure to enter a name first.
• Single-handed keyboards, "a logical step forward to meet the needs of those who must perform keyboard operations with one hand." What would occasion that need? (t/y Eduardo)
An Inconvenient Podcast
Justin Timberlake should be the new James Bond? Has he brought sexy back? Janet, Rihanna, Jessica, and a heated discourse on summer songs, which leads inevitably to a heated discourse on pop star breakups and their winners and losers. Christina Applegate, someone posits, looks like Andy Dick. Will Reichen Lehmkuhl hurt Lance Bass? Never date a reality star because they will kick you off the island. The tragic Brooke Astor story is discussed, then it's back to music videos! Yay! What's this about Jay Z's mom and Beyoncé? Project Runway. Journaling. Scrapbooking. The dolls at the American Girl Store. The heat and global warming: God's way of punishing the fat? Al Gore. World Trade Center. Nicolas Cage as Liberace. Hayley Duff, that bitch. George Michael and what he probably liked about that portly guy in the shrubs. Is Smegma the hippest refrigerator in the UK? Vin Diesel not gay? Christopher Reeve. Pirates of the Caribbean's tentacle-faced Davy Jones: "That's the hottest look I've seen in years!" exclaims James. "God, I wish w could have done that in the clubs."
21st-Century Vox
Sixth-Place Girl
In life we all have “extras.” You know, like when you go to a wedding and there's that couple dancing no one seems to recognize, or at the gym there are those dudes who just don’t stand out. It’s not to say that the people are ugly or anything, it’s just the opposite. Ugly people stand out, special people stand out, it’s the sixth-place girls who just fade into the background and become extras in our lives.
Pie Noon
It's been a while since we've had any mention here of Brokeback Mountain, satirical or otherwise. (Remember when it seemed it was ALL we had?) But now news comes via New Zealand's Spare Room blog that Big Ben meat pies there have a new anti-gay advertising campaign that Spare Room host Ana Samways says "jumped on the Brokeback, er, chuckwagon." Ana points out the best comment on the ad company's blog: "I'd rather be seen stuffing a cowboy in my mouth than one of those maggot filled shit sacks." We can only hope Big Ben's pies are fresher than the concept of a gay cowboy. (Yes, we stole the headline.)
Leifer to Heaven
Who knew Carol Leifer was a lesbian? Not us. Well, she is, and the comedienne and Nick at Nite producer who was responsible for many Seinfeld scripts has just moved with her partner Lori Wolf from their 2,600-square-foot contemporary in the Hollywood Hills which Leifer bought in 1998 for $900,000 to a 5,000-square-foot traditional in the Santa Monica Mountains they bought together for $3.2 million. They wanted larger quarters because they're adopting a baby boy. Wolf is in the real estate business. (LA Times)
Gruel, to Be Kind
Since slop is to this season's Big Brother All Stars what peanut butter and jelly was to previous seasons, we must ask ourselves, "What exactly is slop, exactly?" It's apparently so vile that some of the houseguests have thrown it up and would rather bow out of immunity competitions than eat it, though it looks as harmless as oatmeal. Most Internet recipes for slop are of the school-cafeteria kind, comprised of hamburger, sausage, and onions called Sloppy Joe, which is more sloppy than slop. Dictionary.com and other dictionaries say slop's any number of other things, all unpleasant, including unappetizing watery food used to feed pigs, kitchen waste mixed with skimmed or sour milk, swill, and human excrement. We have to assume the Big Brother producers wouldn't intentionally let the guests ingest human excrement – even Dr Will, who only assumes a shit-eating grin. Turns out the stuff is Big Brother's own gruel-type food, made up of oats, protein, vitamins, salt, and water. Sounds good enough to eat and, according to someone who's had some, it tastes not unlike a protein shake. The houseguests are just drama queens.
Summer Hummers: Dear Pop Stars
Randy Barbato writes open letters to pop stars because, he says, "When I listen to the radio these days, I find myself full of questions."
Dear Fergie,
Exactly what is your London Bridge? And why do I get the feeling I don't wanna be around when it "come down"?
Dear Justin,
Bringing Sexy Back? Really? Have you heard the number-one song this week?
Dear Nelly and Timbaland,
If you're both so damn promiscuous why don't you just do it already?
Dear Pussycat Dolls,
Why don't you loosen your own buttons?
Dear Rihanna,
If you're a murderer, why not just turn yourself in?
Dear Panic! At the Disco,
Why can't you write a pop song with a sense of poise...and rationality?
For Whom the Bell Rings
This morning's guest on Ring My Bell is Layla, the alter ego of Pretty Things sketch-comedy show creator Michael Lucid. Retail drone and jaded indie chick, Layla works the candy counter at a Westside LA arthouse movie theater. Call 323 603-6312 at 11AM PST to cheer the poor thing up.
He'll Tumble 4 5
The New York Dolls famously sang, "Trash, don't pick it up, don't throw your life away," but if you've thrown your life away already, that sage advice is moot. We knew it but now it's official that George O'Dowd will be spending five days in the scorching-hot month of August with a broom and plastic bags (and other misdemeanoring types) cleaning up the streets of lower Manhattan (where he once ruled the club scene), performing community service for falsely reporting a crime back in March. (High and paranoid, he thought he was being burgled, which happens frequently.) We're wondering if any of those women who lied when they said they'd been raped ever had to pick shit up off the streets.
Thankless Jobs
Now that you know, perhaps next time you'll think before kicking the machine. Think, then kick. (t/y Steven)
The Art of War
A man entertains Lebanon's remaining children on Saturday by drawing a cartoon of Condoleezza Rice. See that and other fun stuff on Princess Sparkle Pony's Photo Blog, a blog that appears to be all Condi all the time. (t/y Nick at Agenda Inc)
Snap!
Is it just us, or does Gwen Stefani look like a suburban housewife stopping off at Kmart to pick up some things for the weekend? We love her and everything and she's wearing L.A.M.B., but still. (via X17online)
Beefcake, Literally
"I love my food. I know I have a love handle or two, but I'm lucky that at this stage in my career, it's not hurting the work I do. And my wife loves the extra meat on me." – John Travolta
In the Pink
The faltering New York Observer has been bought by a 25-year-old, giving new weight to the old slogan "Youth wants to know." Having spent a reported $10 million for a majority stake in the weekly, Jared Kushner boasted yesterday, "I own the New York Observer." No word on whether Kushner, whose developer dad, Charles, is currently serving time, will introduce a comics page with a "Jumble" or publish features on drinking games. (NYT)
Rental Plan
Seems Tori Spelling and hubby Dean McDermott really enjoy the hardcore porn. At least, they like to watch it. In the latest issue of Giant (really, you should be subscribing), she says, "My husband and I belong to this service that's like a porn Netflix, called SugarDVD.com. The Netflix come in a red package and the Sugar DVDs come in a blue one, so we're like, 'Oooh! A Netflix arrived!' or 'Ooo! A porn arrived!'" Now, according to "Page Six" today, Sugar's delighted CEO called the gossip column to say he'd be happy to let it know which titles the couple has on queue. But Spelling's people said please don't. Nevertheless, he's giving them free porn for life. And now that she's virtually disinherited, that perc should help them make ends meet. So to speak. But, hey, whadda we get for mentioning the service?
July 30, 2006
It's Just Fan Mail
Lindsay Lohan's mother, Dina (the D Lohan who got cc'd the now-historic letter from James Robinson, Morgan Creek's CEO), defends her daughter's willful actions, her tardiness and absences from the set of Georgia Rule, and scolds Robinson for sending the letter to her frail, sickly child. In an interview on Access Hollywood tomorrow night, the elder Lohan will explain to Billy Bush, "Maybe [Robinson] has personal issues with whomever and it came out with my child. I don't know him. I can't judge him. I don't think it was a smart thing to do to a young girl. Lindsay was in 105 [degree weather] saying, 'Mommy, I feel sick, like I am going to faint.' She took herself to the hospital. She has asthma and in extreme cold or heat you can't breathe." Apparently, neither Mom nor Lindsay take the situation seriously. Dina goes on TV to thumb her nose at her daughter's employer; Lindsay continues to make the scene, partying last night in Las Vegas with boyfriend Harry.
White Wetting
Pam had her floatation devices out and ready in case the yacht went down during the wedding ceremony. And opted for a brim over a traditional veil. Tres classy. We'd been worried she'd be weighted down with the cumbersome outfit we saw her wearing earlier yesterday. Watch the video and listen to the same frogarazzo shout out the same question and still not get a response. (via X17online)
July 29, 2006
In Plane Sight
Randy Barbato must have been thinking, "What was she thinking?" when he read this item in Saturday's "Page Six" about Courtney Love, who got off her flight at JFK wearing "knee-high brown leather biker boots and black cocktail dress." Randy had quite a bit to say about such a combo earlier this month, some of you might remember.
Bosom Buddies
We suppose if you just happen to see these images without warning you might think they're from Ed Gein's recently discovered photo album. But in fact they're just pics of a model having fun in the shower with a pair of novelty shampoo / conditioner dispensers. Gives new meaning to "I think I'll just nip into the shower," doesn't it? (Boysstuff via Gizmodo). Best part: They never get sore and they don't go out whoring at night. (t/y Tasha)
Andersock Wed in Pam Tropez
Pamela and Kid tied the (sailor's) knot aboard a yacht in St. Tropez yesterday, but first they had to encounter the frogerazzi, who are just as persistent in asking inane questions as their counterparts in other countries. On two occasions – Kid's shopping spree in town with his "bridesmaids," including Elton John's husband David Furnish, and Pam taking a boat to the Altavida for the ceremony – a French fotog threw out the incisive, "Is it good to be in love in St Tropez?" Eventually, it looks like Kid picked up another pair of sunglasses and we have to assume Pam opted to exchange vows in an outfit somewhat more appropriate than this. Although, with the Kiddersons you never know. (Footage via X17online)
July 28, 2006
Confessions of a Hollywood Extra
Sham Ibrahim writes:
I haven't written Confessions for a while, because I re-opened my Friday night weekly extravaganza Gossip last month and I haven't done much else since. It's at a dyke bar in West Hollywood called The Palms.
More...Oh Snap!
From the desk of Moye Ishimoto:
So you should all know by now (if you're the avid WOW reader and properly click on all the links we so graciously provide you), that Lindsay just got DISSED by a major Hollywood executive!
OOHHHH! SNAP!
Wait, is this high school or something? I feel like we're all hanging out on the playground, trading whispered rumors on "Oh my gosh, Becky, did you hear about that Mr. Robinson sent home with Lindsay yesterday? Her parents are gonna be soooo mad." When was the last time you had someone scold you? Through a formal letter? And CC your mother?? (Noticed the "D. Lohan" at the bottom?)
More...Fired Crotch
Remember the toothless paparazzi guy who sold us that World! Exclusive! Baby! Suri! Photo! back in April? Well he dropped by WOW Towers this afternoon, this time peddling a snap he claims he took out by the dumpsters behind the Chateau Marmont. We paid him off with his now-standard Scooby's hotdog, and in return present for you this World! Exclusive! Lindsay! Seeks! Next! Gig! To! Be! Fired! From! Photo!
– Steven Corfe
Meaningless Post #1
I think I am coming down with a cold. In the heat of the Los Angeles summer.
That is all.
-moye
Bell du Jour
Project Runway star Daniel Franco was on Ring My Bell yesterday, frantically sketching his new collection between calls, which debuts in New York this September at a big Nikon/ Elle magazine-sponsored runway show. "I'm pretty stressed, I'm feeling the pressure," says Daniel, "but it's a great chance for people to see the real me at last."
What Daniel doesn't realize is that he left one of his sketches behind, which is frantically being made into a pattern for mass-production by my intern Tasha down in the WOW basement as I write. We hope to debut the dress, which I have named The Monaco Mist, in knock-off stores nationwide beginning Monday. MORE CHIFFON, TASHA!
– Steven Corfe
DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS?
Stephen Saban, the editor, has taken his half day, which means that the WOW Report is now in the hands of the Bullshit Twins.
Oh yes, the rest of the day will be filled with meaningless posts on topics (that we will steal from other blogs), the weather and why the A/C in this office never seems to work properly, and how awful eating 2 Krispy Kreme donuts (actually, I only ate 1 and a half donuts. Steven's the pig.) with a cup of coffee will make you feel for the rest of the day, and updates on this annoying headache I have from the sugar rush.
Wheee....
-moye-
A Program Note: TGIHDF
Your WOW Report editor is taking advantage of World of Wonder's generous Half-day Friday plan, in which loyal employees are given the opportunity to work only 50 percent of selected Fridays during the summer. In our absence, the lovely and talented Steven Corfe will be filling in sporadically. You like Steven. – SS
Sniff, Swig, Puff: Rock Hudson and Bea Arthur Get Turned On
This has gotta be one of the funniest and most delightful YouTubes to cross the WOW Report desk since ever. We can't stop watching it. The fact that it's Rock Hudson and Bea Arthur doing anything together is enough. But it's Rock Hudson and Bea Arthur singing about drugs. The song is Cy Coleman's "Ev'rybody Today Is Turning On" from the 1977 musical I Love My Wife. (t/y Brian)
For Whom the Bell Rings
Russ Meyer vixen Kitten Natividad is this morning's big-busted Ring My Bell guest. Former Miss Nude Universe, star of Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens and breast-cancer survivor, Kitten is still making headlines and was featured in this month's Playboy as one of the most iconic bikini-wearing beauties of all time. Call 323 603-6312 from 11AM to 12PM PST and watch it all live on Ring My Bell.
Itemizing
• George Michael is suing the paunchy man "who I have never, ever seen, let alone wanted to have any kind of sexual encounter with" who nevertheless claims to have had sex with him in London's cruising park.
• Condoleezza Rice turns lounge pianist at security talks. Diplomats swoon. No word on take in tip jar.
• Paris and Nicole pretend to end pretend feud.
• Seeing red. Producers of Lindsay Lohan's in-progress movie Georgia Rule have sent the redhead an angry letter (cc'd to everyone) calling her "discourteous, irresponsible and unprofessional" and a "spoiled child" due to her late-night carousing. Comes as no surprise to cc'd.
• Are we there yet? Unedited, unabridged, full-length version of Kerouac's On the Road to be published in hardcover by Viking. It's official: God hates us.
• Jake Gyllenhaal's bicycle has a basket!
Potter to Ride a Cock Horse
Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe will be making his West End debut playing the lead in Peter Shaffer's Equus, a role that requires him in one scene to be completely naked astride a horse. Taking a page from American tabloids like Us Weekly, The Sun has "imagined" how he might look in the production. They made the horse naked too.
Lust in Space
World-traveling renaissance woman Vanna Bonta, who has the most tirelessly tenacious press agent, has designed the 2suit, a kind of coverall with Velcro strips, zippers, and a diaphanous lining that come apart is such a way as to allow for nauts, both astro and cosmo, to have intimate relations in the weightless environment we call space. We're guessing the secret is in the diaphanous lining. "Sex in space is not just a good idea, it's survival," says Bonta, a writer whose novel, Flight, is all about space travel, romance, and quantum physics. We bring this up because back in April, 2004, Bonta hung out with would-be spaceman Lance Bass at a celebration in LA honoring cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin's 1961 orbit around Earth, and two years later Bass is over the moon himself. Small world.
(Link)
Whoa!
This has got to be one of the ugliest and silliest designer products ever, but it's Gucci's limited-edition chocolate guccissima leather handbag commemorating the company's 85th anniversary and costs $1,095, so expect to see the usual subjects flaunting it at Hyde and other celebrity playgrounds. Er, guccissima leather? (Luxist)
Hello, Gorgeous!
A site for saw eyes. Barbra Streisand checks on the construction of her new house in LA. She may look hammered, but her nails are flawless. (via Perez Hilton)
July 27, 2006
Bell du Jour
Playboy model Andrea Lowell was in the Ring My Bell dungeon yesterday, so I asked her for some Surreal Life scoop between calls / flashes of nudity. Turns out she just wrapped her second series of the hit VH1 show, a sort of All-Stars edition featuring previous cast members from all six seasons, called The Surreal Life: Fame Games. So what was her reaction on learning that she'd be competing for a prize of $100,000 against the likes of Brigitte Nielsen, Vanilla Ice, and Mini-Me? "Well the competition is based on how famous we are as individuals, so immediately I'm like, Fuck. I'm fucked." As for who walked away with the 100,000 big ones, her lips are contractually sealed. But I did notice she roared away in a rather fancy new Lexus. I'm just saying.
– Steven Corfe
Eek! A Mouse!
The Zero Tension Mouse. If you didn't know better, you'd think the operating instructions were for a different kind of toy device.
This big input device allows the hand to fully rest on the unit in a more natural "thumbs-up" or "handshake" position. You fingers wrap around the mouse handle where the right- and left-click buttons are conveniently placed. At the top of the handle is the scroll wheel, strategically placed for the thumb to fire at will. The whole design conforms to your hand, and you can move the mouse in any direction while keeping the wrist and fingers completely immobile, thus requiring no grip to move the cursor.
Picture This
Is there really a difference anymore? The Weekly World News had the right idea all along: Fabricate absurd stories entirely in the art department, write copy to fit. The WWN editors just had to wait out the laughter, the derision, the holier-than-thou attitudes of the other "legit" tabloids, knowing they would eventually follow. This issue of Us Weekly could easily pass for a satire by Mad or National Lampoon. (Actually, is it?) And WWN always had must-read stories.
Armrested Development
Today, in helping this blogger find out what the other side of the elbow is called, that soft underbelly of the arm where it crooks (ahh, wait! is it called the crook?), techie Ted came across something on Elbow Etiquette from April, 2004, on SimpleBits.com. It wasn't any help at all in naming that bendy body area for us, but it suggested new ways of designing armrests in such places as airplanes, trains, and theaters, where seats are placed next to each other and neighbors don't always share. It was a short post with three possible solutions to the problem, simply illustrated. We mention it here only because it got 101 COMMENTS! That's, like, more than, say, Gawker and Defamer get in a day combined. Armrests.
America's Gut Talent
Was there anything other than America's Got Talent on TV last night? Is there ever? We accidentally got sucked into watching the last 45 minutes of what was another two-hour installment (seems, somehow, that when you're surfing, you can't help but run into it). Everything about the show is so appalling that, once it gets inside your Sony, it's really hard to turn off (although America seems to be doing that in droves, surprisingly). From Regis to the three halfwit "judges" to the timewarped "talent" who think it's still 1955, the show is a throwback to simpler times – wrote huge. And, ironically, it showcases just how untalented Americans are. Last night, with 10 or so finalists to choose from, the judges put their heads together and idiotically chose Rapping Granny to go up against whoever the viewing audience votes for in the final (we can only hope) showdown. Rapping Granny won, over the stilt-walkers, over the grade-school Janis Joplin, the fire-juggler, the electric fiddler. We thought short-lived amateur novelty acts with salty seniors began with Mrs Miller and ceased with Gerty Molzen. Take a look at last night's winner.
Walk This Way
DJ AM and Nicole are together. What's that Band-Aid doing on that part of his arm where traditionally blood is drawn or drugs are injected? Did he have blood drawn or drugs injected? Why are they walking identically? Why is he so skinny? Why does he like her? (via X17online)
UPDATE: The Plot (of This Future Lifetime Movie of the Week) Quickens
Unkempt and ill-kept Brooke Astor, the 104-year-old millionaire socialite, has today been whisked from her Park Avenue apartment and placed in the care of Lenox Hill hospital, after allegations by her grandson that her son was subjecting her to wretched, health-threatening conditions at home. A specialist in internal medicine and critical care at the hospital has said that Astor's condition "has improved, and we are hopeful that she is going to go home in the very near future." Sounds like a prognosis both promising and frightening. (courtTVnews)
Leo and Giselle
Don't give up on Leo and Giselle. They had dinner at Table 8 in West Hollywood, he gave her a birthday present, which she used as a shield when they fled the paps. They're making an effort. (via X17onlilne)
For Whom the Bell Rings
Project Runway star Daniel Franco is this morning's Ring My Bell guest. So what was the deal with that awkward declaration of love for Heidi Klum on the Season 2 reunion show? "When I said 'I love you, Heidi,'" he says, "it was because she said something incredibly complimentary about my lingerie collection, not shown on the special. I think the producers wanted a good laugh." Franco will be answering all similar questions from you from 11AM to 12PM PST. All you have to do is call 323 603-6312 and watch it live at www.ringmybell.tv.
Snap!
This Snap! has lost its elasticity. Looks like Travolta need a bravolta. In his latest film, Wild Hogs, he and his costars strip down to go skinny-dipping – and that unearned nickname he's had for years, Revolta, finally fits. And you thought the Brits had a lock on shirtless unpleasantness? (TMZ)
The Old Folks at Home
Brook Astor, a staple of New York society since her birth 104 years ago, is currently living in abominable conditions in her fancy Park Avenue apartment, according to the New York Daily News. The eldercare she's being given by her son, 82-year-old Anthony Marshall, is anything but caring. His mother, who suffers from memory loss, skin cancer, chronic anemia, heart problems, spinal stenosis, and has broken her hip twice, is paying him $2.3 million a year out of her $45 million bank account (thanks to late husband Vincent Astor) to look after her. Mrs Astor, who has given over $200 million to NY causes over the years, is known for her generous philanthropy and good manners, but her son's treatment of her is anything but charitable or courteous. Her grandson, Philip Marshall, has filed court papers claiming his father "has turned a blind eye to her, intentionally and repeatedly ignoring her health, safety, personal and household needs, while enriching himself with millions of dollars." He says, "Her bedroom is so cold in the winter that my grandmother is forced to sleep in the TV room in torn nightgowns on a filthy couch that smells, probably from dog urine." Also, Anthony Marshall has had his mother's French chef replaced by an "unmotivated cook" who prepares such dishes as pureed peas, carrots, liver, and oatmeal. Her weekly doctor visits have been cut down to once a month, and if a medical emergency occurs, her son has ordered the staff not to take her to an emergency room or call 911 without contacting him first. But probably worst of all, he wouldn't allow her nurses to buy her something new to wear for her 104th birthday, damn him to hell. Strangely, there was no news of any of this over at "The" Mrs Astor.
In One Era
Zooey Deschanel is not quite herself these days, and won't be for a while. Director Penelope Spheeris has chosen her over Pink, Britney, Lindsay, and Scarlett to play the coveted role of Janis Joplin in the biopic The Gospel According to Janis, says Popbitch. And the actress is already at work as Liza Minnelli in Daniel Minahan's Simply Halston. To go from Liza to Janis is not only genre-hopping but head-spinning. But really terrific!
thisisaknife: Ring My Nuts
It had to happen eventually: this week, Donal phoned up Ring My Bell, and ended up having a 20 minute conversation with Andrea Lowell, mostly about nuts. Also in this week's show, our web-celeb points out an an inner truth about Donal's sexuality.
Simon Cowell's Ya Father
In England, "how's ya father" implies "slap and tickle," "twenty minutes of the usual," or "sex."
Simon Cowell was caught last night in this very humorous photo when his presumed "bit on the side" (mistress) Jasmine Lennard, left his house in London at half past two in the morning. Cowell's girlfriend was away at the time. I'm not really that concerned about Simon Cowell's love life. I just wanted to use the title, because it works on both levels: the sex level, and also the father level, because Cowell is 46, and Lennard 21. He would have had her (or his real partner would have) when he was 25, not 46, as he is now doing.
– Donal Coonan
July 26, 2006
Bus Fare
Shortbus, John Cameron Mitchell's first film since 2001's acclaimed Hedwig and the Angry Inch, is about a bunch of New Yorkers "caught up in their romantic-sexual milieu," says one source, who converge at an underground club known for its mix of art, music, politics, and carnality. Here's what we said before. Here's the trailer.