Wake-Up Calls

• Mr McBeth returns to teaching position as Miss McBeth despite parents' cries of Out, out, damned spot!
• Satellite of hate: CBS's Les Moonves sues Howard Stern for $500 million.
• .345 and rising: Man passes out in home with near surgical-anesthesia blood-alcohol level.
• Dark victory: Dutch discover chocolate lowers blood pressure.
• Now almost identical, Paris and Nicole reunite for new Simple Life.
• Jaws: Grandmother saves friend from being eaten by 14-foot crocodile, gets award.
• Three little phishes in a big pond get caught.
• What does this mean, girl? Lindsay Lohan retires to Wilmer Valdrrama's hotel room after night of partying.
• Christian Democratic Party in Australia proposes smoking ban in cars.
• Oh, the irony: Bird flu kills cat in Germany.
• Four little pigs: Woman gang-raped by Disney workers.
• Pete and repeat: Doherty strikes again. Again.

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